AITA for not letting my daughter cook something else for my DIL?

A 16-year-old girl has been cooking most family meals since her older brother (37M) and his wife (37F) moved in temporarily due to financial difficulties. The daughter, who volunteered for the role, began preparing every dish with milk after the sister-in-law (DIL) previously made negative comments about her clothing style (shopping in the boys’ section) and never apologized. The DIL, allergic to milk, couldn’t eat the food and had to cook separately. After a week, the DIL snapped, asking how many milk-heavy meals the daughter could make.

The teen replied she’d researched enough recipes to continue for at least a month. The mother asked the daughter to cook something else for the DIL; the father refused, saying the DIL can cook for herself. The family is divided, with most viewing the daughter’s actions as petty bullying and the father’s stance as enabling it. He believes she shouldn’t be punished, only gently corrected for her wording, and he’ll veto any consequences.

‘AITA for not letting my daughter cook something else for my DIL?’

The daughter volunteered to cook for the expanded household.

The DIL’s milk allergy made meals inedible for her, leading to frustration.

The father supports his daughter while the mother wants accommodation.

The daughter’s deliberate choice to cook exclusively milk-based meals is clearly petty retaliation for the DIL’s earlier rude comments about her style. At 16, she’s old enough to understand allergies are serious health issues, not inconveniences to exploit. Using food as a weapon—even passively—forces the DIL to cook separately every night in someone else’s home, which is isolating and disrespectful.

The father’s defense (“DIL can cook for herself”) overlooks that the daughter volunteered to feed the household; excluding one person intentionally turns a kind act into exclusionary behavior. While the DIL’s initial insult was unkind and an apology would help, it doesn’t justify ongoing sabotage. The mother’s request for accommodation is reasonable—simple swaps (like almond milk) could resolve the issue without punishing anyone.

The father’s veto on consequences sends a message that pettiness is acceptable when hurt. A balanced approach would involve a calm talk with the daughter about empathy and boundaries, an expectation that she include the DIL in meals (or step back from cooking), and perhaps mediation so the DIL can apologize. Without addressing the root resentment, this living arrangement risks escalating into deeper family conflict.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Most commenters labeled the father and daughter as AHs, viewing the milk-heavy cooking as deliberate exclusion and bullying.

A smaller group defended the daughter’s pettiness, pointing to the DIL’s prior rude comments and her ability to cook for herself.

Some called it a mess on all sides, urging everyone to do better.

This father stands firmly behind his daughter’s petty retaliation—cooking only milk-based meals—after the DIL made rude comments about her style without apologizing. While the daughter volunteered to cook, intentionally excluding an allergic family member crosses into harmful territory. The community is split, but most see the behavior as spiteful and the father’s defense as enabling. The story highlights how unresolved slights and crowded living can turn small conflicts into major family rifts.

Have you ever lived in a multi-generational home where tensions boiled over? Do you think the daughter should cook allergy-friendly meals for everyone, or is she justified in refusing after being disrespected? Should the DIL have apologized for her earlier comments? Share your thoughts and similar experiences in the comments below.