Woman Refuses to Grow Family After Partner Admits He Expects Her to Solo Parent While He Travels

We all know that moment when a shared dream suddenly feels like a heavy, solitary burden. For one thirty-year-old woman, the excitement of planning a new baby with her partner quickly dissolved into a cold realization about the future of her household. After already navigating the grueling path of raising a five-year-old entirely on her own, she was determined to ensure her next experience of motherhood was a true partnership.

However, as her partner’s career in the rapidly expanding cannabis industry began to take off, the blueprints for their shared life started to shift. What was once a collaborative plan for support and presence transformed into a schedule of extensive travel and empty promises of domestic help. The tension reached a boiling point when she realized she might be signing up for a second round of single parenting, despite having a partner in the house. Want the juicy details? The full story is right below.

Woman Refuses to Grow Family After Partner Admits He Expects Her to Solo Parent While He Travels

AITA for getting upset that my partner is okay with me raising our child by myself while he’s traveling for work?

The narrator sets the stage by emphasizing that this wasn’t an accidental pregnancy scare, but a calculated step toward a shared future.

For context, I (30F) and my partner (31M) are trying to start a family.

We’ve been intentional about planning, tracking ovulation, and talking through parenting.

I also have a 5-year-old from a previous relationship, who I’ve raised entirely on my own.

He knows this.

We’ve been discussing moving either near his work in Minnesota or back to my hometown.

He works in the cannabis industry, which is expanding quickly, and his role will require extensive travel during the week for the next few years.

Some nights he’ll be home, some he won’t, and we don’t have a clear schedule yet.

A significant shift occurs here as the financial safety net they discussed begins to evaporate before the baby even arrives.

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He’s currently negotiating a raise or better travel compensation, possibly eliminating the apartment he pays for in the city he works in (about $1,500/month).

Recently, he said that even with a raise, it may not be enough for me to stay home full-time (which was originally his idea while I’m in school) or afford...

This upset me because I thought that was the point of the raise he was asking for.

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I explained that it’s not fair to expect me to stay home with two kids alone during the week while he travels.

I’ve already done solo parenting and don’t want to do that again.

We don’t have a support system in Minnesota.

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He does have strong support in Omaha, and I suggested that as an option, along with living in Iowa where costs are lower and we could afford part-time help.

If those aren’t possible, I feel we should pause trying for a baby or reconsider his job if he doesn’t want me working.

This revelation exposes a fundamental imbalance: his career is a non-negotiable fixture, while her personal growth is treated as an impossibility.

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He was surprised by my pushback and assumed I had already considered all of this.

I hadn’t, because we had clear conversations about me not wanting to do this alone.

I even said if I did take this on, I’d want time later to travel and study abroad while he took over, and he immediately said, "That wouldn’t work due...

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I feel like I’m being asked to carry the full weight of parenting without support, and when I try to explain the reality of that, I get "I understand," but...

I support his career, but not at the expense of doing this alone again.

Am I wrong for setting a boundary that I won’t move to Minnesota, have a baby, and raise two kids mostly by myself while he’s gone?

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Community Opinions

The Reddit community was largely supportive of the woman's boundary, though a few commenters felt both parties were failing to communicate effectively.

u/Winter_Mosss NTA. Living in a new state with a 5-year-old and a newborn while your partner is gone most of the week is a recipe for postpartum depression and resentment....

u/DoTheRoarararar
I’m confused.
You want to be a stay at home mom but also have paid help and have your husband, who’s working and paying for everyone to also help?

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u/ThrowawayLaundryDay
NTA.
Please do not have another baby yet.
He is not ready or willing to be a present parent alongside you.

u/keishajay NTA. I did it once. And I decided that I would NEVER do that again (with knowledge that it would be the case). Stop trying for now. There is...

u/LionFyre13G Are you saying you don’t want to move to Minnesota unless you can be a SAHM? Are you able to be a SAHM if you stay where you’re at?...

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u/FilthyThanksgiving
NTA. You'll regret having a kid with this dude.

u/Dravid-Vanol NTA. You’ve already done solo parenting and you’re clearly saying you won’t do it again that’s a fair boundary. Planning a baby without realistic support isn’t responsible, and you’re...

u/Glass-Satisfaction19
NTA you are being perfectly reasonable. Do stand your ground.

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u/zgrssd NTA What is euphemistically called "workaholic" is in reality a home avoider. He might end up being a mere paycheck parent. It might even be a attempt to baby...

u/Sainz_Paglu
NTA.
He won't be much of a PARTner if he doesn't take part with you, right? I think you should think this situation thoroughly..

u/Proper_Hunter_9641 If you don’t want to do solo parenting again I suspect you will have to 1) find a different man that will parent with you, or 2) move back...

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u/singerbeerguy ESH. So you both want to be parents, but he wants to leave you on your own to raise the kid now and then you want to leave him...

u/lisa_lionheart84
How are you supposed to work while also being home alone with a newborn and a 5-year-old so much of the time? That sounds terrible.
NTA.

u/rockology_adam Are you wrong for setting this boundary? No, not at all. This the right call. Do not attempt to have a child with this person now. But whose fault...

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u/Only-Breadfruit-6108 You definitely shouldn’t have another baby with him, but you don’t work, you study, and you already have a child, and he’s paying for it all, so it’s fine...

While the majority urged her to stop trying for a baby immediately, some pointed out that 'solo parenting' and 'parenting while a spouse travels' are different categories of struggle.

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The tension between professional ambition and domestic presence is a hurdle many modern couples face, but it becomes a wall when one partner’s previous trauma with solo parenting is ignored. By drawing a line now, the narrator is attempting to prevent a cycle of resentment that could dismantle the relationship later. Whether through a career change, a move to a lower-cost area, or a total pause on expanding their family, a resolution is required before a child enters the mix.

Do you think her boundary is a fair way to protect her mental health, or is she being too rigid about his career growth? And if you were in her shoes, would you move to a state with zero support while your partner traveled? Share your hot take below! Drop your thoughts in the comments.

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