WIBTA if I told my daughter to find a different hobby?

Your 17-year-old daughter has found a passion for building miniatures, spending hours crafting tiny cottages and greenhouses with her hard-earned money. She’s a good kid—solid grades, chores done, no trouble—but you’re frustrated, sipping coffee next to her $60 miniature greenhouse, wishing she’d pick a “useful” hobby like sports or theater. You miss meaningful conversations with her, and her obsession feels like a wall between you. When you suggest cheerleading or walks, she shuts you down, and your husband’s support for her hobby only adds to your annoyance.

This story isn’t just about miniatures—it’s about parental expectations, a teen’s autonomy, and finding connection. Would asking her to find a new hobby make you the bad guy? Dive into this family tension and see what Reddit’s community thinks!

‘WIBTA if I told my daughter to find a different hobby?’

OP’s Story

An Unexplained Frustration

Family Divide

A Mother’s Reflection

This story of a mother wanting her daughter to abandon her miniature-building hobby for something “useful” reflects a common tension between parental expectations and a teen’s need for self-expression. It’s not just about a hobby—it’s about how parents navigate their child’s growing independence.

OP acknowledges that Ann is responsible, with good grades and completed chores, and funds her hobby with her own money. Yet, OP’s frustration stems from comparing Ann’s solitary hobby to her niece and nephew’s more socially “impressive” activities, like soccer or theater.

This suggests OP may be projecting societal expectations or personal desires onto her daughter. Dr. Lisa Damour, a teen psychology expert, notes, “Hobbies help teens develop soft skills like patience, creativity, and self-discipline, even if they don’t directly translate to a career” (Under Pressure, 2019). Ann’s miniature-building fosters focus and craftsmanship, potentially applicable to fields like design or architecture.

At 17, Ann is asserting her identity through a hobby she loves. Her rejection of her mother’s suggestions, like cheerleading, may reflect a need to establish autonomy, especially if she senses disapproval. Her father’s support likely feels validating, while OP’s push for change could create distance.

Society often prioritizes hobbies with visible prestige, like sports or performing arts, over quieter, creative pursuits like model-building. This can pressure parents to steer kids toward “resume-worthy” activities, undervaluing hobbies that nurture mental health and personal growth.

Advice: Instead of asking Ann to change her hobby, OP should engage with it—perhaps by joining her in building a miniature or asking about her creations. This could open doors to deeper conversations and strengthen their bond. OP should also reflect on whether her frustration stems from societal pressure or a desire for control.

Encouraging Ann to explore how her skills might apply to careers, like prop design, could bridge their perspectives without dismissing her passion. Supporting her while suggesting occasional shared activities, like a family craft night, will foster connection without judgment.

See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit came down hard on OP, urging her to support her daughter’s passion rather than impose her own preferences. From calling out her judgment to suggesting bonding strategies, here’s what they said, grouped by perspective:

Criticizing OP’s Lack of Support:

Highlighting the Value of Hobbies:

Suggesting Ways to Connect:

OP’s frustration with her daughter’s miniature-building hobby stems from a desire for connection and societal pressure for “impressive” activities, but Reddit overwhelmingly calls her out for not supporting Ann’s passion. Her daughter’s hobby fosters valuable skills, and pushing her to change risks alienation. Instead, OP should embrace Ann’s interest to build a stronger bond.

What do you think? Should OP encourage her daughter’s passion or guide her toward other activities? How much should parents influence their teen’s hobbies? Share your thoughts!