WIBTA for Cutting off my Dad and his Wife if they Planned on being Buried Together instead of my Dad with my Late Mom?

A young adult (late teens/early 20s) lost their mother at age 14. Five years later, their father remarried his high-school ex-girlfriend. The remarriage always felt painful — speeches at the wedding emphasized “destiny” and “first and last love,” making the OP feel their late mother was reduced to a temporary placeholder.

Recently, the father announced plans to change his burial plot so he can be buried next to his current wife instead of the OP’s mother. The OP screamed at both of them and hasn’t spoken to them since, considering cutting them off completely. Their father explained it honors his current marriage and longer time with his second wife. Is the OP wrong for considering no contact over this?

‘WIBTA for Cutting off my Dad and his Wife if they Planned on being Buried Together instead of my Dad with my Late Mom?’

The loss of the mother left deep wounds:

The remarriage always felt like a betrayal of the original love story:

The wedding speeches intensified the pain:

The burial decision was the breaking point:

The father’s explanation only deepened the hurt:

Grief over a parent’s death at a young age is profound and lifelong. The OP’s pain is valid: losing a mother at 14, then watching the father remarry his high-school ex, and hearing “destiny” language at the wedding can feel like erasure of the first marriage. The burial decision amplifies that — it symbolizes finality, and choosing the second wife over the first feels like a public statement that the first love was less meaningful.

However, burial preferences are deeply personal and belong to the living person. The father is not obligated to be buried next to his first wife to honor her memory or soothe his child’s grief. He can love both women in different ways and still choose to rest beside the partner he spent the majority of his adult life with. The “destiny” comment, while insensitive, reflects his current truth — not a deliberate attack on the OP’s mother.

Psychologist Dr. Becky Kennedy emphasizes that adult children grieving a parent often project idealized versions onto the lost parent and surviving parent’s new relationships. Therapy is crucial here to separate grief from resentment and to process the feeling of “replacement.” Cutting off the father would likely cause more pain to the OP in the long run — they would lose the remaining parent while still carrying the unresolved hurt.

The OP is not wrong to feel hurt, but going no-contact over burial plans would be disproportionate. A calm, honest conversation (possibly with a therapist present) about how the language and decision feel like erasure could open understanding without ultimatums.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

The Reddit community was divided, but the majority leaned toward YTA or soft YTA, urging the OP to seek grief counseling rather than cut off their living father.

Many empathized deeply with the OP’s grief but believed cutting contact was too extreme:

Several commenters urged therapy and perspective on grief:

A smaller group felt the OP was NTA or NAH, focusing on the validity of the hurt:

The pain of losing a parent young is immense, and it’s natural to feel protective of their memory. Your father’s remarriage and burial decision don’t erase his love for your mother — people can genuinely love two partners in one lifetime in different ways. The “destiny” language was insensitive, but it reflects his current truth, not a deliberate attack on your mom.

Cutting him off over this would likely cause more pain than healing — you would lose your remaining parent while still carrying unresolved grief. Therapy could help separate grief from resentment and allow honest conversation without ultimatums. You’re not wrong to feel hurt, but permanent no-contact over burial plans is disproportionate. Both feelings can coexist: you can love and miss your mom while letting your dad live and die on his own terms.