One of my (f22) best friends (f21) is supposed to move in with me in October. She has now gotten pregnant and wants us to raise the baby together?

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At 22, life is often a careful balance between freedom and responsibility. For one woman, that balance felt manageable while planning a shared apartment with two close friends, dreaming about decorating, hosting friends, and navigating university life together. Everything seemed to be falling into place.

Then a single revelation changed the entire trajectory of those plans. One friend announced she was pregnant and wanted to keep the baby, but beyond that, she expected her roommates to help raise the child and contribute financially. What sounded like excitement to one person felt like panic to another, and the disagreement quickly became a flashpoint online. Readers were left asking whether friendship ever obligates someone to sacrifice their future for another person’s life choice.

One of my (f22) best friends (f21) is supposed to move in with me in October. She has now gotten pregnant and wants us to raise the baby together?

The housing plan felt exciting, flexible, and safe for everyone involved…

So yeah I've rented a room in a great 4 bedroom apartment for the past year and since my two roommates both are moving out in August,

I've been offered to rent the whole apartment which is a great opportunity and I've already asked my two best friends if they wanted to sublet the two other rooms

and move in with me which they were both very excited to do. My two current roommates aren't moved out yet and no lease has been signed either on my...

I've been transparent to my friends that it might fall through as my landlord might change his mind and just let me continue to rent the one room

and not let anyone else move in as the building is going to be renovated once all renters have moved out.

One friend’s stable situation contrasted sharply with the other’s excitement…

My one friend, Indy, has an apartment of her own that she's comfortable in so she isn't depending on this to go through, even though my apartment is definitely better...

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My other friend, Layla, still lives at home where she isn't in a rush to move out either so none of my friends would end up with nowhere to stay...

Layla is very excited and I've been excited with her, talking about how we each have a bit of money saved that could go towards improving the apartment and it's...

The pregnancy announcement completely shifted the tone of the plans…

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Now, things took a turn on Wednesday. Layla found out she's pregnant. She got tinder about 2 months ago and have been having some fun meeting new people and dating...

And so there are more than one option for a father, all of whom she isn't interested in involving. She's over the moon over this news and wants to keep...

Serious concerns quickly surfaced beneath the excitement…

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I personally think this is a terrible idea. She's only 21, she's not in university yet, only has a part time job of 4 hours a week and has a...

and anxiety disorders (possibly borderline personality disorder or something like it, she's in treatment to find the right diagnosis), has never lived out of her parents home

or taken care of herself at all. It's her decision and not mine though, and I will of course be there for her as I've known her for over 15...

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The proposal to co-parent crossed a line the poster never agreed to…

She hasn't told her parents yet because they would flip out and she would like to be moved out before she does tell them.. She wants to move into the...

We met up Friday and she layed out this plan on how she could work until she knew what she wanted to do in terms of university, and my friend...

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arranging it after our classes.. She said we each could put our savings towards the baby as "we essentially would all be parents".

I am just not okay with this at all. I feel like university is stressful and I don't have enough time as it is for my assignments without caring for...

I am 22 and I also like doing 22 things like having friends over for a drink on Fridays and sleeping in on Sundays, having dates over and all that...

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And having an infant in the apartment is just not something I see working out with my lifestyle. It's her choice to keep the baby but I don't think it's...

I think she has this romantic view of what its like to care for a small child, especially as a single, young mother with very little means and even though...

I'm not willing to sacrifice that amount of time and money on her decision to become a parent unexpectedly. She's only 6 weeks along so it's not an immediate problem,...

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Indy doesn't know yet, but I'm thinking she will have the same feelings as me about the situation. Layla has told a few of her friends I'm not very close...

about her plan as if it is definitely going to happen and they are very excited for her and kinda hyping her up and further painting an idyllic picture of...

I just have no idea what to do right now. I don't know how I'm supposed to tell her that this is not going to work for me and she...

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I didn't directly tell her I think it's insane for her to have a baby right now as this must be a tough and scary time for her and I...

I did tell her I have concerns with how it would work out but she wasn't fazed at all. Should I tell her parents?

Her mom is a very sweet and kind person who have always helped her but her dad is a different story and I don't know how he would react.

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I have considered talking to Indy about it and maybe figure out a way for us to tell her together, or something but yeah any advice or comments are appreciated!...

This situation reflects a common but deeply uncomfortable clash between empathy and obligation. Supporting a friend through a difficult moment does not automatically mean sacrificing one’s own future plans. When expectations are assumed rather than discussed, resentment often follows.

According to clinical psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula, people sometimes blur boundaries during emotional crises, believing closeness equals entitlement. She has stated that “emotional closeness does not mean shared responsibility for life-altering decisions.” Friendship can involve support without requiring total life restructuring.

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From a practical standpoint, raising a child demands time, money, and emotional capacity. Expecting roommates to provide childcare and financial support without explicit consent creates an unstable foundation for everyone involved, including the child.

Experts generally recommend clear, early communication in situations like this. Expressing limits does not make someone selfish; it protects all parties from future burnout. True support can mean helping a friend find realistic resources rather than quietly accepting a role never chosen.

Check out how the community responded:

Many readers firmly supported setting boundaries and saying no…

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[Reddit User] − Tell her she won't be moving in. This is not your responsibility. Having a child in the household is difficult and will disrupt your studying and stress...

given that Layla counts on your help. You can talk with Indy too and tell Layla together. You must be firm and not feel guilt. She has a home she...

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sophyines − She's trying to force responsibility on you. It may be hard , Tell her that This is not okay and that you're not ready to prioritize a baby...

You are her friend but this was HER life choice, not yours and you have every right to tell her that you're not ready for a baby in your life...

Best part about not wanting a baby is you don't have to justify why you don't want one. You aren't the one who made her pregnant and it sounds like...

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Tell her if she wants help building savings, to go look for the father and take him to court. I guarantee she will take advantage of you and any other...

you'll be taking care of the baby more than her, or paying more in living expenses as she may continue to work for 4 hours a week despite her "plan".

It sucks during covid with places shut down but if you're having difficulty finding words to make sure you don't hurt her or ruin your Friendship,

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contact a women's clinic, let them know your situation and that she wants to keep the baby, but you need to help your friend by finding options. Good luck!

Harrison_w1fe − Tell her. SHE chose to have that baby not you. Being friends doesn't include raising each other's babies. She'll survive.

silentdash − Don't let yourself get saddled with someone else's responsibility. When talking to her about this, just be honest that this move will not be a great situation for...

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It doesn't have to be about her not having a great job or her struggle with mental illness. This new development is not something that you signed up for.

You aren't into the idea of co-parenting. Let her know that you're friends and that you don't judge her,

but that moving in togetjer is not something that can happen as it would be too much of an upheaval of your life and the plans that you have for...

No other justifications are needed or owed so don't be made to feel guilty. Stay strong and good luck.

kevin_r13 − 4 hours isn't even part time. it's more like volunteer work and she got a little bit of money for it. Anyway she can raise the baby but...

you're not Ready to be involved in that at your stage in life, and in fact she might get more help by staying at home with her parents than moving...

Others were blunt, emotional, and openly frustrated…

Batwoman_2017 − Hahahahahhahahahahahahahahaha she can f__k off OP. Tell her she can't move in. Or if she does, you have no obligation to raise the child with her.

dudedudetx − Wow she is ridiculous. There is only one proper response to something that absurd. “F__k no”.

drunkymcgee88 − Moving out of her parents home with a child and she works 4 hrs a week. Did I read that correctly?

zanne54 − I wouldn’t move in with anyone who only works 4 hours a week. Who’s going to (be stuck) paying their rent? And then adding the expense of a...

and no support from the other parent? And she’s told you her expectation that you will support her and baby? This has disaster written all over it. She needs an...

Romo4549 − Don't accept being the godmother if she asks! ! At all, I can tell you now if she expected a friend to raise her kid she's gonna pass...

I'm just livid that she didn't even consult you. It was just " You have to put your time and savings into my kid".

My mother's friend is just like this, stuck on welfare and decided to have a kid with a man who was going to disappear shortly after birth (and she knew).

Now she rants on Facebook about how much of a b__ch her daughter is and gets mad when people can't care for her.

Some focused on communication and long-term consequences…

livinthefeverdream − I'm going to preface this by stating my heated opinion, followed by my advice. I'm sorry but she sounds obnoxiously selfish and incredibly toxic.

I understand that she is a very close friend that you'd want to help through thick and thin, but for her to not only ask you and your other friend...

but to also ask you guys to contribute financially? ? No combination of words can describe that level of insanity. When you factor in the details regarding her current school/work...

that only further proves her unreliability and potential to seriously s__ew you financially. You sound like you're doing well for yourself with going to school and living independently.

Following through with what she is asking of you is only going to cripple you and destroy your own potential.

I'm in my 20's and have close friends from childhood that unfortunately made a hell of a lot more mistakes than I did. I haven't been in your exact position,...

I can 100% guarantee that your best option is to be completely honest with her and tell her what you need to in order for her to get a grip...

Not only say how hurtful it is for her to put you in that position, but tell her as a super close friend that wants to see her be successful...

Offer to be there with her to tell her parents, but tell her that they need to know; they're obviously going to know sooner or later.

Tell her that instead of moving in with you and your other friend, she'd be much better off with her parents while simultaneously finding a job with more hours so...

If she can't take that reality and goes directly on the defensive, then that's up to you to decide if you need that toxicity in your life.

I genuinely wish the both of you the absolute best. Unexpected pregnancies are life-changing and difficult to get through, and you're going to need all the support you can get.

But there are right ways and wrong ways to do it. What she is proposing so far is the wrong way to do it, and she needs to know that.

Digitalbird06 − Definitely don’t tell her mom, that’s a huge violation of trust and would probably ruin your friendship with Layla.

As for raising the baby, you are well within your right to say no to her moving in. You had only agreed to her moving in, not her and a...

It’s very selfish for her to assume you and your roommates would drop everything to raise her baby. That is her responsibility, not yours.

My question for you, are your roommates close with Layla? If not, she might feel like you’re all ganging up on her. However she also might not take you seriously...

I’d definitely talk to Indy about it and get her opinion. Either way make sure she knows you’ll still be there for her.

Maybe help her find a place to live so she’s not left with nowhere to go. She’s going to take the news hard so she may push you away. Just...

Luvagoo − Lawwwd we need to stop raising women to be such non-confrontational pushovers and i say this as totally one myself. DID YOU JUST SIT THERE AND SMILE

AND NOD WHILE SHE WAS TELLING YOU THIS? ?? Why didn't you say something? ?? This is batshit insane. At least a hesitant weak af 'oh I'm not sure.

..' is better than clearly giving this h__ebrained girl the impression it's full steam ahead. God DAMN. Edit: I forgot I was reading this as the OG for an update!...

love6471 − Literally this exact same thing happened to me a year ago, needless to say me and that friend no longer talk and for whatever reason she doesn’t have...

Don’t let yourself get put in that situation, if she can’t take care of herself then she’s not ready for a child.

meowmeowtime89 − She wasn't phased by your gentle approach. ..you might need to be a bit more assertive, and quickly.

ou're not a bad friend for rejecting this idea/fantasy of hers. ..its a terrible idea and she needs to come back to earth asap. You would be a bad friend...

She has a lot to think about after coming to terms with that news. ..maybe with advice from others as well she might consider an a__rtion, which sounds like it...

This story struck a nerve because it highlights how easily friendship can be tested by major life decisions. While compassion matters, consent and boundaries matter just as much. Supporting a friend does not require becoming a co-parent or sacrificing one’s future. The question remains open-ended and deeply personal: where should the line be drawn between being a good friend and protecting your own life path? What would you do in this situation?

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