AITAH for refusing to reduce how much I talk to my mum?
A young man shares a cozy apartment with his girlfriend in a town far enough from his mom that visits eat up a whole day. After burying his dad years ago and two siblings in the last five, he’s her only kid left breathing, living solo with just a couple aunts nearby. He hates the idea of her rattling around empty rooms, so he rings her up to five times daily—quick hellos, funny stories, whatever pops up.
One lazy weekend, his girlfriend sits him down and says the constant calls feel weird and way too much. He fires back that it’s just looking out for family. She insists he’s tuning her out entirely, but he won’t budge an inch—what happens when love for mom crashes into couple life?
‘AITAH for refusing to reduce how much I talk to my mum?’
Distance limits visits, but loss stacks heavy—dad gone years back, two siblings in five years:
He calls multiple times daily, hating her solo days:
He stands firm, she feels dismissed:
OP faces a tug-of-war: deep grief drives him to shield his isolated mom with five daily calls, filling her void after massive losses. Yet this routine crowds his live-in relationship, turning care into unintended exclusion. Opposing views praise unlimited family support, especially post-trauma. Society often celebrates devoted sons, viewing frequent contact as moral duty in aging-parent cultures.
Still, constant tethering risks codependency, where OP becomes mom’s emotional crutch, stunting her growth and his partnership. Girlfriend senses sidelining, not jealousy. Psychologist Dr. Harriet Lerner warns, “Enmeshment occurs when boundaries blur, and one person’s needs dominate, eroding individual autonomy” (The Dance of Connection, 2001). Here, calls eclipse couple intimacy.
Social norms evolve: healthy adult children check in regularly but encourage parents’ independence via clubs or friends, preventing burnout. Solution: Cap calls at two per day—one morning check, one evening wrap-up. Schedule weekly video for depth. Help mom join local grief groups or hobby classes. Seek couple’s therapy to voice fears; individual sessions process shared grief without defensiveness.
See what others had to share with OP:
Online crowd leans YTA, calling five calls codependent and relationship-killing:
Most blast excess, predict girlfriend exit:
Critics urge reflection, not defense:
![[Reddit User] - Between the post and your responses you are absolutely a whiney ass mommas boy](https://en.aubtu.biz/wp-content/uploads/2025/10/wp-editor-1761881475034-7.webp)
Others suggest therapy, mom independence:
The man’s five daily calls to his grieving mom start as heartfelt support but evolve into a pattern that isolates his girlfriend and prevents his mom from building new connections. His immediate dismissal of her concerns highlights a lack of balance, risking the romantic relationship while unintentionally enabling dependency.
Finding middle ground preserves both ties without sacrifice. Would you agree to two structured calls daily, introduce mom to community events, and attend joint counseling to address underlying grief?
