AITAH for not telling my dad that im going to college?
Growing up with an inconsistent parent leaves marks that don’t fade easily. For one 18-year-old, years of emotional distance from her father shaped the way she learned to protect herself. So when she decided to return to school and pursue college after dropping out due to severe bullying, she didn’t feel compelled to share the news with him.
Her father, however, felt differently. After finding out through her brother, he confronted her and expressed disappointment that she hadn’t included him. The exchange reopened old wounds about favoritism, abandonment, and whether children should be responsible for maintaining relationships with parents who never showed up consistently.
‘AITAH for not telling my dad that im going to college?’
Her father’s pattern of leaving began very early:
Years later, he returned — but not equally:
A painful moment exposed the favoritism clearly:
Holiday exclusions deepened her sense of invisibility:
A new decision about her future changed everything:
His late-night message left her questioning everything:
When a parent is inconsistent or emotionally unavailable during formative years, children often develop protective detachment. This response is not cruelty; it is self-preservation. Trust is built through repeated reliability, not through biological connection alone.
Favoritism between siblings can be particularly damaging. Research in family psychology shows that perceived unequal treatment often leads to long-term resentment, lowered self-esteem, and fractured sibling relationships. The pain is not only about exclusion but about public invisibility.
The father’s reaction suggests wounded pride rather than accountability. When he says she should have included him, he frames himself as entitled to involvement without examining his past behavior. Healthy repair would require acknowledgment of harm, not shifting blame.
As an adult, she has the right to decide what access others have to her life. Boundaries are not punishments; they are guidelines for emotional safety. Any reconciliation would need to begin with responsibility and consistent effort from him.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Many commenters firmly sided with her and validated her feelings:
Some commenters even drafted responses she could send him directly:
Others emphasized personal responsibility in relationships:
Some responses were blunt but unwavering:
At the center of this conflict is a painful question: does a title alone guarantee closeness? Many readers believe relationships are earned through presence, effort, and care — not simply biology. After years of exclusion, her decision to protect her milestone may reflect emotional survival rather than spite.
College marks a new chapter in her life, one built through resilience after bullying and hardship. Whether her father becomes part of that chapter depends on whether he is willing to truly show up. Should a child be expected to chase a parent’s attention, or does responsibility flow in the other direction?
