AITA for trying to even out the presents me and my brother would get as kids?

A young man tried to make up for his parents’ unfair treatment by sharing gifts with his older brother throughout childhood — but those well-meaning gestures ended up hurting his brother deeply. While he enjoyed lavish birthday parties and piles of presents, his brother often received just a simple cake and a few small items like socks or a video game, highlighting the painful favoritism.

He thought he was showing love and fairness by buying extras and giving away his own gifts. But after his brother’s recent painful breakup, everything boiled over: the older brother screamed that he never wanted pity, that those childhood acts only made him feel worse, and slammed the door — leaving his sibling stunned and heartbroken.

‘AITA for trying to even out the presents me and my brother would get as kids?’

It all started with the way their parents treated the two brothers very differently from a young age:

The younger brother felt uncomfortable with the unfairness, even though as a kid he didn’t know how to stand up for his sibling:

Recently, when his brother went through a harsh breakup, he wanted to comfort him:

This story perfectly illustrates the classic “golden child” vs. “scapegoat” dynamic in families with severe parental favoritism. The younger brother was showered with praise and gifts because of his athletic talent, while the older brother was constantly criticized and made to feel like a burden due to his mental health struggles and learning differences. Parents openly compared them, thanked God for having a “normal” child, and even told the younger one he could “repay” them by buying them a house once he went pro.

The conflict here is heartbreakingly common: the younger brother genuinely believed he was showing love and fairness by sharing gifts and buying extras. But to the older brother, those gestures felt like constant reminders of his “lesser” status — unintentional pity that deepened his sense of inadequacy.

According to family therapist Rebecca C. Mandeville, author of Rejected, Shamed, and Blamed and an expert on Family Scapegoating Abuse (FSA): “In a narcissistic family system, the scapegoating is driven by a narcissistic family power-holder… the entire cast — the enablers, the bystanders, and the ‘Golden Child’ — who all participate in the shunning to maintain their own safety.” (Source: scapegoatrecovery.com)

The golden child often carries guilt and pressure to “make up” for the favoritism, while the scapegoat carries long-term wounds to their self-worth.

Healing will require an honest, calm conversation. The younger brother should apologize for unintentionally hurting his sibling, clearly explain that his actions came from love, guilt over the unfairness, and admiration — not pity. The older brother may need time (and possibly therapy) to process decades of pain. Together, they can acknowledge the real source of the hurt — their parents — and rebuild their relationship on equal footing. In some cases, limiting contact with parents who continue the favoritism may also be necessary.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

People on social media overwhelmingly sided with both brothers — but placed the real blame squarely on the parents.

Most readers felt deep sympathy for the OP and believed his brother was simply lashing out during an emotional low point — but his actions came from genuine love:

Many pointed out the classic “golden child vs scapegoat” pattern and suggested writing a heartfelt letter:

Some comments offered deeper insight into how ADHD and Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) can amplify emotional reactions:

This heartbreaking story shows how love can sometimes be misinterpreted when old family wounds run deep. The younger brother acted with the best intentions, but his brother carried years of pain that turned those gestures into something painful. The real source of the hurt? The parents who created and maintained the unfair dynamic.

What do you think? Should the OP keep trying to reach out and explain, or give his brother more space? Have you ever experienced parental favoritism and seen how it affected your relationship with your siblings? Share your thoughts in the comments below!