AITA for telling my sister that she cannot hold my baby?

A young father stirred family drama when he told his sister she couldn’t hold his 3-month-old daughter, citing concerns about her health and erratic behavior. Despite a prior agreement on safety rules, his sister broke the deal, leading to a tense confrontation and emotional outbursts, leaving him questioning if he was too harsh.

This story explores the conflict between familial bonds and the duty to protect a child. Was the father wrong for setting strict boundaries, or was his decision necessary for his baby’s safety? Let’s dive into the details and see what the online community had to say.

‘AITA for telling my sister that she cannot hold my baby?’

The story centers on OP (27M) and his sister (25F), who has a complex medical history:

I (27 M) told my sister (25 F) that she cannot hold my 3 month old daughter. Over the past four years my sister has a history of manic and...

Doctors have notified her that her use of alcohol and marijuana causes issues with the prescription drugs they prescribed. they help reduce the seizures and manic episodes. The substances ultimately...

Before a family gathering, OP set clear safety rules:

She was due to visit my newborn at a family gathering that I was hosting last month. I had a phone call with her prior to the event. I explained...

I asked that if she would be ok to sit while holding my baby and to not be i__oxicated while holding my baby. If she does drink or smoke I...

His sister broke the agreement at the event:

Event comes around now, and before we went to brunch she smoked pot. During brunch, she drank two sangrias. A family member was holding the baby and wasn’t aware we...

She agreed, stood up, and held my baby. Due to the risk of causing an uproar, I just kindly asked her if she would sit. She said no, and I...

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The next day, OP addressed the issue:

The next day they came back to my house. I made light about how we use to get in trouble with our own mom, and then how mom would have...

I then told her that I feel like my rules were not respected, and she put my baby in danger by breaking our agreement. I said that I feel like...

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Before I could finish my sentence, she proceeded to get very upset, screaming and throwing things in my house. The baby was only 5 feet away in someone else’s arms....

After the incident, OP banned his sister from holding the baby:

Now I will see her next weekend for another family gathering. I fell that I cannot trust her to hold my baby. I had to call to tell her that...

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I cannot trust that she will not respect my rules of holding my child to keep my baby safe. I would really like to see changes in her actions around...

This story highlights the tension between maintaining family ties and protecting a child from potential harm. OP was entirely justified in worrying about his baby’s safety, given his sister’s history of seizures, erratic behavior, and substance abuse that undermines her prescribed treatment. Her violation of the agreement and explosive reaction when confronted further validate his concerns.

Dr. Gabor Maté, an expert in mental health, notes that “individuals with substance abuse issues often struggle with impulse control, especially under emotional stress” (In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts). The sister’s behavior, from disregarding medical advice to lashing out, indicates she is not a safe person to hold an infant, particularly while standing and under the influence.

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OP’s decision to bar his sister from holding the baby is sound, but his approach could be refined by clearly communicating the rules to other family members to prevent misunderstandings. He should also consider limiting his sister’s presence at gatherings involving his child until she demonstrates behavioral changes, such as adhering to medical treatment and avoiding substances.

OP should maintain firm boundaries, inform family members of the rules to avoid confusion, and encourage his sister to seek professional help for her health issues. This protects his child while potentially supporting his sister’s recovery.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

The online community overwhelmingly supported OP, emphasizing child safety and criticizing the sister’s behavior. Below are all cited comments, grouped by theme.

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Most users backed OP, affirming his decision to prioritize his baby’s safety:

Emicaa2004 − NTA you had a deal that she didn't respect. Your request is reasonable since you are not barring her from seeing the baby just holding it.

Apart-Ad-6518 − NTA "She put my baby in danger by breaking our agreement. I said that I feel like I need to protect my baby from those situations and…. "

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You do need to protect your baby. " I would really like to see changes in her actions around my baby before I feel comfortable with her holding the baby....

RebeccaBlue − NTA - Your sister's medical conditions would be enough of a reason to sit down. (My wife had epilepsy, and wouldn't hold either one of our kids unless...

Dschingis_Khaaaaan − NTA - Her history of seizures alone is reason to be very careful. The substance abuse problems and clear anger issues make it an easy call.

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She is not safe to be around the baby let alone hold it. You are way more forgiving and diplomatic than I would be. So far she hasn’t demonstrated that...

CivMom − I’m not making light of your situation but I sometimes think this sub should be “I need validation because boundaries are hard. ” You are doing the right...

Having-hope3594 − NTA. You have been very fair and very clear. You have responsibility for the safety of your baby! You are letting her know ahead of time for next...

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waterfireandstones − Your baby's safety trumps your sister's pride. Don't set your family on fire to keep her warm.

BreakfastAtBoks − NTA Your sister is clearly a grown child and her ignorance knows no bounds. You are being a good dad and she can go kick rocks.

Unfortunately you are going to need to make it very clear to the rest of your family that your sister is acting this way and should not be holding the...

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Some urged OP to restrict his sister’s access to the baby entirely:

Scenarioing − she proceeded to get very upset, screaming and throwing things in my house. The baby was only 5 feet away" ---She proved your concerns to be entirely valid.

Also, it showed the need to be kept out of the presence of your home and child for a long time to come. Do NOT bring your child to the...

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[Reddit User] − Why do you keep taking your baby around her? STOP IT.

Theythinknot − NTA. And if your sister screams and throws things when she is upset, I would question the wisdom of having the baby in her presence at all.

DiTrastevere − Before I could finish my sentence, she proceeded to get very upset, screaming and throwing things in my house. The baby was only 5 feet away in someone...

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The fact that you are still considering letting this person have access to your baby is generous to the point of recklessness. Your sister is not a safe person, no...

tango421 − NTA. Safety first. Also, what part of screaming and throwing things around YOUR house within range of YOUR BABY makes you think she is and will be a...

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Her continued substance usage given her medication combined with the consequential episodes make her a clear safety issue. The fact that she exploded on the phone after ensures there will...

Global_Look2821 − NTA. Your baby’s safety comes first, always. She has shown that she doesn’t respect that- her screaming at you (twice! !) just proves your point.

Being at gatherings where you would typically “pass the baby” will be fraught for you now if she’s there. Do you trust that she won’t try to hold your baby...

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This story underscores the importance of prioritizing a newborn’s safety, even when it leads to family conflict. OP was justified in barring his sister from holding his baby due to her health issues and erratic behavior, but his guilt reflects the difficulty of setting boundaries with loved ones. What do you think of OP’s decision? Should he continue limiting his sister’s access to his child, or is there a way to mend the relationship? Share your thoughts!

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