AITA for refusing to give my mom a second chance and cursing at her when she tried speaking to me?

One day, a 17-year-old faced their mother after years of feeling abandoned. It all began with a divorce that split two siblings between their parents, only for their mother to make choices that left them feeling cast aside. When she tried to reconnect, old wounds fueled an emotional showdown. Can trust be rebuilt once it’s broken?

Dive into this heartbreaking story of a teen grappling with the past and questioning parental duty. With heated discussions on social media, it’s sparked a range of opinions. Read on to uncover the details and see what the community thinks of this teen’s bold stand.

‘AITA for refusing to give my mom a second chance and cursing at her when she tried speaking to me?’

The trouble started when the OP’s family fractured after their parents’ divorce in 2017:

My parents got divorced in 2017 and me (17) and my sister (15) split time between both our parents.

In 2019, life shifted as their mom began a new relationship and made a tough call:

In 2019 my mom started dating this guy. One day she told us her boyfriend's kid had cancer and that they needed her so she'd need to stop seeing us...

After two years of near silence, their mom reached out to reconnect via Zoom, but the siblings pushed back:

In 2021 she got married to this guy and wanted me and my sister to meet him over Zoom. We said no. We hadn't seen our mom in two years...

He still had cancer. Mom called dad to say it was a matter of time and to prepare us for a funeral. Her husband's kid died and mom expected us...

It didn't. We didn't go to the funeral and we ignored her calls. My sister spoke to her once a couple of weeks after but I didn't at all. Then...

Mom wanted *the family* to meet. I said no. My dad told me it was fine and we'd figure it out. With both me and my sister saying no there...

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In 2023, their mom announced a pregnancy and invited the siblings over, but got no warm response:

In 2023 mom told dad she was pregnant and wanted us to come over. Dad told her she needed to do more than that and she went silent.

Tensions peaked in 2024 when their mom pushed for custody and showed up uninvited to the OP’s birthday:

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In October 2024 mom had her lawyer write to dad to say she wanted 50% custody back. Dad's lawyer wrote back and said that was not happening and she had...

There was lots of crap going on and mom tried to show up to my birthday and my grandparents made her leave before I saw her. I didn't want to...

The final clash came when their mom pleaded for a second chance, only for the OP to unleash years of pent-up anger:

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Mom ended up asking for a second chance and saying she'd do anything to have us back in her life. My sister talked to her a bit but said no...

She came over and told us she was sorry and she made excuses that a very sick little boy she loved had needed her and she told us it was...

She blamed grief and a now dead kid being sick for her sucking as a mom. She said we had other siblings and we needed to be a family again....

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I told her she chose her husband and his kid(s) over us and I didn't want anything to do with her. I told her I didn't want to go to...

And I called her a bad mom and told her to f**k her husband when that's all she cares about and leave us alone. Mom tried to yell at me...

Even my grandma (mom's mom) is saying I should apologize and give her a second chance because she's my mom and I hate it coming from her because she's so...

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The OP’s story reveals the deep scars left by parental abandonment, a serious psychological issue. When a parent prioritizes a new family over their children, it can breed feelings of rejection and erode trust. Here, the mom’s choice to call only twice in two years signals a failure to uphold her role as a parent.

From the mom’s perspective, caring for a child with cancer is an immense burden. She may have felt torn between responsibilities. Yet, this doesn’t justify nearly severing contact with her own kids. As Dr. John Gottman, a renowned psychologist, notes, “Relationships thrive on consistency and reliability” (The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work). The mom’s prolonged absence shattered that foundation.

Social media reactions range from backing the OP to urging forgiveness. Society often expects kids to give parents a second chance, but that’s not always fair. At 17, the OP has the right to set their own boundaries. The mom’s tendency to blame the dad and dodge accountability only deepens the hurt.

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The OP should consider counseling to process their anger and pain. This isn’t about forgiving or reconnecting with their mom but about safeguarding their mental health. For the mom, genuine remorse means consistent effort—like regular contact without pressure—rather than excuses.

Ultimately, this story highlights the messy reality of post-divorce family dynamics. There’s no perfect fix, but prioritizing personal well-being is key for the OP. If the mom wants to rebuild, she must start by respecting her children’s choices.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

The online community erupted with opinions on the OP’s story, offering a spectrum of support, criticism, and personal insights, with 15 distinct voices weighing in.

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Many stood firmly with the OP, arguing that the mom’s abandonment was unforgivable after years of neglect:

AlwaysHelpful22 − Your mom made her choice and now you have made yours, NTA.

Aggravating-Sock6502 − You are completely valid for not wanting your mom in your life after she abandoned you. In all those years she was protecting the sick kid, she couldn't...

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Regular_Boot_3540 − NTA. There really is not much sadder than a child dying from cancer or from the side effects of cancer treatment, but if there's one thing that's sadder,...

Some emphasized the consequences of the mom’s choices, insisting she doesn’t deserve forgiveness:

Impossible_Nebula_33 − You’re 17 no court will force you into her custody especially as she hasn’t been in your life in years and continues to have little to no communication

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and effectively abandoned you and your sibling for 6 years and even had other kids in the meantime let her threaten with courts it won’t go in her favour. Just...

Advanced-Pear-8988 − NTA- keep telling her and your grandma to f**k off. She doesn’t deserve anything and chose a man over her kids. No coming back from that.

MrTitius − NTA. She doesn’t get out if the consequences of her awful choices.

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Others shared personal stories, connecting deeply with the OP’s pain:

Every-Bad-2471 − As a mother who’s had a kid fighting cancer… I could never ask another man to leave his kids to be with me and mine. Two years two...

VictoryShaft − My mom and dad split up when she moved in with her new BF. I was 12. At 17, she said "I'm ready to be your mom again"...

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Key_Two77 − Your grandma syays to forgive her because she's your mom. She's not. She gave that up years ago. She is your egg donor, nothing more.

Some suspected ulterior motives behind the mom’s sudden return:

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Significant_Bed_293 − I also think that she now realizes that she’s gonna need free babysitting for the newest kid and is getting desperate.

No_Cockroach4248 − The cynic in me says your mom does not want to pay your dad child support and is likely looking for two free babysitters for her new baby.

Impossible_Nebula_33 − She is only wanting back in your life because whilst people were quiet because the kid had cancer and she could concut some excuses he has now unfortunately...

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Finally, many urged the OP to prioritize their mental health and set firm boundaries:

jonjon234567 − NTA. She abandoned you, period. You don’t owe her anything and you need to focus on your mental health.

ChakraMama318 − NTA. When your mom abandoned you and your sister- well- that kind of r**ection leaves some deep marks.

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jahubb062 − She’s never apologized. She’s never taken responsibility for her choices. Honey, your mom failed you completely.

The OP’s story is a gut-wrenching look at the lasting impact of family abandonment. Their mother made difficult choices, prioritizing her new family, but her near-total absence for years left deep emotional scars, especially for a teenager craving stability.

The OP’s anger and refusal to forgive are understandable, as their mother’s actions weren’t just a temporary lapse but a prolonged failure to show up. Healing for the OP may involve professional support to navigate complex emotions, but their choice to maintain distance is valid. Can a fractured family bond ever be fully repaired? What do you think of the OP’s stance, and how might a family move forward after such deep hurt?

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