AITA for not working with the father of my children to make his and his wife’s relationship with the kids better?

A 36-year-old mom discovered her partner’s devastating lie mid-pregnancy: he was never divorced, had reunited with his still-legal wife, and together they seemed to view her twins as their ticket to parenthood since the wife couldn’t conceive.

For years, the couple fought aggressively for custody, pushed the wife as “mommy,” attempted parental alienation, and tried to marginalize her role entirely – even wanting the wife at the birth. She held firm with lawyers and boundaries, securing 50/50 custody eventually.

‘AITA for not working with the father of my children to make his and his wife’s relationship with the kids better?’

The relationship seemed solid until the shocking truth emerged during pregnancy:

The couple’s aggressive push to claim the twins intensified post-discovery:

Custody battles raged with ongoing boundary violations:

Now the ex seeks her active help to repair the damage:

This situation reeks of reproductive coercion and attempted parental erasure – using deception to conceive, then aggressively sidelining the biological mom. Courts rightly rejected full takeover bids, but ongoing alienation efforts damaged the kids’ bonds naturally.

Refusing to “fix” relationships the ex-couple broke isn’t withholding cooperation; it’s protecting hard-won boundaries. Forcing warmth toward a stepmom who pushed “mommy” status risks further confusion. Therapy should prioritize kids’ voices, not adult agendas.

Co-parenting requires mutual respect, absent here from day one. Family experts advise documenting violations, using apps for communication, and considering GALs (guardians ad litem) for high-conflict cases. Kids rejecting manipulators is often self-protection – support that, don’t override it. Long-term, stability with the primary attachment figure (OP) matters most.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Overwhelming NTA, with many suspecting deliberate surrogacy plot and praising her protection:

Strong suspicions of premeditated deception:

Calls to stay vigilant and limit contact:

Some nuanced advice on therapy and boundaries:

Others pure support:

Verdict rings clear: NTA – the ex-couple manufactured this rejection through years of manipulation and alienation attempts.

Kids sensing the truth and protecting themselves isn’t something to “fix” for the adults’ convenience. What do you think – planned surrogacy scam, or just opportunistic cruelty? Would you ever cooperate in therapy, or keep walls high?