AITA for not forgiving my sister as she had an affair with my husband even though i accepted my husband back?
A 33-year-old woman forgave her husband after he confessed to a years-long affair with her younger sister during her severe postpartum depression and grief over their mother’s death. She chose to stay for the sake of their two young children, despite never truly forgiving him. She works hard as a parent, keeps the marriage functional for the kids, and plans to leave once they’re older.
But when her sister—who initiated the affair—recently asked her to forgive, forget the past, and even be her bridesmaid at her upcoming wedding, she laughed in her face and walked out. Now the sister calls her an asshole for “punishing” her while forgiving the husband, claiming she’s her only family. The woman wonders if she’s wrong for refusing to rebuild the relationship with the sister who betrayed her so deeply.
‘AITA for not forgiving my sister as she had an affair with my husband even though i accepted my husband back?’
The affair happened during the wife’s depression after her mother’s death and second child’s birth:
The confession came at their anniversary party:
She separated from him but later reconciled for the kids:
Recently her sister wanted to reconcile:
This situation involves profound betrayal: a sister who took advantage of her sibling’s vulnerability during grief and postpartum depression to start an affair with her husband. The wife’s decision to forgive her husband (or at least stay) was pragmatic—for the children’s stability, financial reasons, and his role as a good father—but it doesn’t mean she has to forgive her sister. The sister’s actions were a double betrayal: violating the sacred sibling bond and exploiting her sister’s lowest point.
The sister’s current request—to forget everything and be bridesmaid—shows a lack of accountability. She’s minimizing her role (“forget the past”) while demanding full reconciliation. This is classic entitlement after betrayal. Forgiving the husband was a calculated choice for family unity; forgiving the sister is different—she wasn’t part of the daily life or parenting equation.
Therapist Dr. Ramani Durvasula, expert on narcissistic and toxic family dynamics, says: “Betrayal by a sibling often cuts deeper than by a partner because it destroys the foundational trust of family. The victim is not obligated to forgive or reconcile, especially when the betrayer shows no real remorse or understanding of the damage. Forcing forgiveness for appearances (like a wedding) is manipulative.”
Practical advice: The wife should maintain no-contact if it protects her peace—she owes her sister nothing. If she ever considers limited contact (for family events), it should be on her terms, with clear boundaries and no wedding involvement. Therapy could help her process the grief and anger. Her children’s well-being is priority; modeling healthy boundaries (not forced forgiveness) is more valuable than a fake family reunion.
Here’s what the community had to contribute:
The online community overwhelmingly sided with the wife, calling her NTA and criticizing both the husband and sister for the betrayal. Most said she doesn’t owe her sister forgiveness.
Most agreed the sister has no right to demand forgiveness or bridesmaid status:
Many felt she was too lenient with the husband and urged her to prioritize herself:
A few suggested hearing the sister’s version but still supported no-contact:
This heartbreaking story shows how betrayal by a sibling can cut deeper than by a partner. The wife made a difficult choice to stay with her husband for the children, but she owes her sister—who actively pursued the affair—nothing. Refusing to forgive or participate in her wedding is completely understandable.
What do you think? Have you ever had to choose between forgiving a cheating partner vs. a family member who betrayed you? Would you attend the wedding? Share your thoughts below—we’d love to hear your experiences!
