AITA for expecting my brother and SIL should do all the chores because they’re living with me for free?

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Picture a cozy apartment, where the faint aroma of coffee lingers, but the sink overflows with dirty dishes, sparking tension thicker than morning fog. A hardworking individual, juggling a 70-hour workweek, opens their home to family in need, only to face a “chore strike” that threatens to unravel their generosity. This Reddit tale from a frustrated homeowner captures the clash of gratitude and entitlement, pulling readers into a domestic drama that feels all too relatable.

The story unfolds with raw emotion—annoyance, betrayal, and the sting of being called an “a**hole” for setting boundaries. Readers are hooked, wondering: is it fair to expect chores for free rent, or does family deserve a pass in tough times? The urgency of the homeowner’s dilemma, coupled with the looming threat of eviction, sets the stage for a heated debate about obligation and fairness.

‘AITA for expecting my brother and SIL should do all the chores because they’re living with me for free?’

My brother and SIL have been staying with me for around a month and a half now, completely rent free, including groceries. To be honest, I didn’t really like the idea of living with them, still don’t, but they were desperate. They’re having financial problems, which I can understand, but I expect them to move out as soon as they can.

I work around 70 hours a week, I used a cleaning service, because I just didn’t have the energy to do all the chores after work. I usually ate out as well, but I can cook. I can afford to do these things comfortably, but obviously the cleaning service and eating outside aren’t available right now.

When I first made the agreement with my brother and SIL to let them stay with me, I asked them do the chores and cook in exchange for rent. This includes taking out the trash, doing the dishes, laundry, general cleaning around the house, and cleaning my cats’ litter box.

Most of these chores used to be done by my cleaning service. I buy all the groceries, and one of them cooks for all three of us. Sometimes I’ll order delivery, and when I do, I buy some for them as well.

This week, I noticed the dirty dishes were piling up in the sink, so I asked them to please wash them soon, and my brother got really annoyed at me, and told me to do it myself.

Then my SIL asked me to order out for dinner, but I said I’d rather her cook today because some of the ingredients might go bad soon. She got really frustrated with me, and said that I was overwhelming them and it was annoying seeing me sit on my ass all day while they slaved for me.

They’ve decided to go on a “chore strike”, so I told them that this was the agreement we made, and if they didn’t stick to it, I would kick them out. They’re also calling me an a**hole for threatening to kick them out, which would make them homeless. AITA?

Hosting family can feel like walking a tightrope between generosity and resentment. The OP’s situation—offering free rent for chores—seems fair on paper, but emotions muddy the waters. The OP, stretched thin by a grueling work schedule, expects their brother and SIL to handle chores like dishes and cooking, a deal rooted in mutual benefit. Yet, the “chore strike” reveals a disconnect: the guests see the tasks as servitude, while the OP views them as rent.

This clash mirrors broader issues of family dynamics and unspoken expectations. According to a 2021 study by the Pew Research Center, 52% of young adults in the U.S. lived with family during economic hardship, often straining household harmony (Source). The OP’s brother and SIL, hit by COVID-related financial woes, likely feel humiliated, fueling their resistance to chores they perceive as demeaning.

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Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Conflict arises when expectations aren’t aligned—clear communication is the antidote” (Source). Here, the OP’s blunt eviction threat escalated tensions, while the guests’ “strike” broke trust. Gottman’s insight suggests both sides failed to clarify boundaries upfront, letting resentment fester.

To resolve this, the OP could initiate a calm discussion, outlining chores and timelines in writing to avoid ambiguity. Offering empathy—acknowledging the guests’ financial stress—might ease tensions. If the agreement falters, consulting a lawyer about tenant rights, as some Redditors suggest, is wise.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

The Reddit crowd didn’t hold back—here’s a peek at their spicy takes, served with a side of humor and shade. From witty one-liners to legal cautions, the comments are a rollercoaster of support and skepticism. Buckle up for their unfiltered thoughts:

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PoliteAdHominem − NTA. This is what happens when you bite the hands that feed you.

Mysterious-System680 − NTA. They were paying rent in the form of chores. If they decide that they are no longer going to pay their rent, they don't get to complain if they are evicted.

The only thing I would caution you about is that, depending on the laws in your location, they may have established tenants' rights by staying with you for more than a month. It could be wise to check where you stand in terms of sending them packing. You may need to give a certain period of notice, evict in writing, etc.

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lightwoodorchestra − NTA. You made a totally reasonable agreement that they're now going back on. It's really gross to accuse you of 'making them homeless'-- you're homeless if you have nowhere to live, not if you have a place to live but don't want to do the dishes required to have it. They're lazy free loaders and you should kick them out at will.

elcad − NTA You are not kicking them out. They are breaking the agreement you had.

marheena − OMG NTA - I’m sure you’ll get 1000 upvotes and I hope you show them the responses. If that was the arrangement, they sure as s**t better stick to it. There’s nothing worse than freeloading family you are obligated to help out.

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Don’t forget with 2 of them and you gone most the week, AT LEAST 75% of the mess is theirs. Not to mention, the electric and water bill they add... PLUS is always more annoying to be the single person in a group of three.

I bet you feel the odd man out in your own house most the time. Add the fact that they don’t pay anything and I’d be furious in your shoes. Set them straight. Best of luck.

QuixoticLogophile − NTA They made an agreement, labor in exchange for housing. They're no longer living up to their end of the bargain. You are well within your rights to kick them out. Next time don't put yourself in a position like that. Get it in writing, or don't let them move in at all.

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Evil_SugarCookie − I think more info is needed.. -They've been abiding the rules, and the very first week things go hinky, you're threatening to throw them out?. -Did something happen to provoke this?

While it's agreed that it's your house, your rules, I've seen situations like this before. Except The Benevolent Benefactor constantly reminded the people they were helping of their position of needing help.

Or constantly telling people how wonderful they were for helping the 'less fortunate'.. There's obviously an undying issue that needs to be addressed, maybe sitting and talking might help?

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[Reddit User] − NTA. chore strike? you know where you won’t have to do any chores? THE STREETS.

yourlittlebirdie − NTA but you need to talk to a lawyer ASAP because you may not be able to kick them out so easily if they’ve been living with you for awhile. I’ve heard too many horror stories of people getting tenancy rights from being allowed to stay with someone for short periods.

[Reddit User] − NTA. Show them the door. They're not on your lease and they're not paying rent.

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These hot takes light up Reddit, but do they reflect reality? Or are they just armchair judges tossing out zingers?

This saga of dishes and defiance shows how quickly family generosity can turn sour without clear boundaries. The OP’s frustration is palpable, but so is the guests’ sense of overwhelm. It’s a classic case of good intentions gone awry. What would you do if you were in the OP’s shoes—open your home but set stricter rules, or draw a hard line sooner? Drop your thoughts below and let’s keep this conversation cooking!

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