AITA for not knowing anything about babies?

In a quiet suburban home, the hum of a custody exchange turned into a storm of accusations. A woman, soon to be a stepmom to two school-aged girls, found herself cornered by her fiancé’s ex-wife, who thrust a breastfeeding infant toward her with a demand to burp. Unfamiliar with babies and caught off-guard, her nervous laugh ignited a fiery tirade questioning her fitness as a stepparent.

This isn’t just about a baby—it’s about navigating the choppy waters of blended families, where old wounds and new roles collide. The woman’s discomfort with infants doesn’t define her bond with her stepdaughters, but the ex’s outburst raises a stinging question: does inexperience with babies make her unfit for stepmom life? Readers, you’ll feel the tension in this clash of expectations.

‘AITA for not knowing anything about babies?’

My fiancee has two children with his ex-wife. They are 11 and 9. We get along pretty well. I am going to be moving in with them after the wedding and converting my house into a rental. I've been staying over a lot as we move towards this transition.

The girls were supposed to stay with their mom for three days, and my fiancee asked if I could oversee the pickup because they'd just had a big fight and didn't want her to try to start something with him again in front of the girls. I agreed.

So she arrives and is breastfeeding her new baby. She says the girls aren't packed properly and insists on helping them repack. She goes in the nine yo's room with her while 11 and I hang out in the kitchen talking about nothing. Ex comes out and tells 11 to come help them.

Then she tries to hand me her baby and tells me she needs to be burped. I back up and laugh nervously. I tell her that I have no idea how to burp a baby. She goes off on me and says both of the girls know how to take care of the baby and I can't even burp her and that I'll be useless as a stepmom and shouldn't be allowed to be alone with children.

I ended up calling my fiancee, because she was getting so heated and I was scared for the girls to be driving with her. My fiancee showed up (he'd been at the neighbor's) and started recording her. He told her to leave and come back tomorrow or he would send the recording to his lawyer. She left.

I feel like I didn't handle the situation well at all. I don't know anything about babies and am not comfortable around them. I don't think that disqualifies me to be a stepmom to two school age kids though. Am I deluding myself?

This custody clash highlights the raw nerves of blended family dynamics. The ex-wife’s attempt to hand off her infant was less about burping and more about testing boundaries. Dr. Patricia Papernow, a stepfamily expert, notes, “Ex-partners often struggle with new partners’ roles, leading to territorial conflicts” . The ex’s harsh words reflect her own insecurities, not the woman’s competence.

The woman’s lack of baby experience is irrelevant to parenting 9- and 11-year-olds, who need emotional support, not diaper changes. A 2022 study by the National Stepfamily Resource Center found that 70% of stepparents feel judged by ex-partners, often over unrelated skills . Here, the ex’s insistence on “repacking” and baby-handling smells of provocation, possibly to undermine the woman’s role.

The woman’s nervous laugh was a natural response to an awkward situation, but calling her fiancé was smart—it de-escalated a volatile moment. Papernow advises clear boundaries: custody exchanges should occur outside to avoid territorial disputes. The fiancé must also step up, ensuring his ex respects his partner.

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Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit swung hard for the woman, branding the ex a drama-stirrer and cheering her for standing her ground. From snarky jabs to practical advice, the comments were a lively mix of support and shade. Here’s the unfiltered scoop:

teresajs − NTA. For future reference, his Ex shouldn't come in the home for trade off of the children. The kids are old enough to walk from the house directly into her car.

SigSauerPower320 − NTA. Your SO's ex is screwing with you. She sounds toxic. I wouldn't allow her in the house if I were you. First she picks a fight with her ex. Then, when he's not around, she picks a fight with you.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. NTA AT ALL. You've never had a baby so never learned to burp a baby...WHO CARES!? Your step kids aren't babies!!! This is absolutely insane on the part of their bio mom.

Girl_with_no_Swag − NTA. And she should not be allowed in the house at all. She is drama seeking and exaggerative fir no reason. When she comes to pick up the kids, they leave with what they have packed. Period. If they forget something, oh well. They will live. At no point should she be allowed in the house. It only give her more opportunity to cause drama and pick fights in front of the kids.

xInsomniCatx − NTA it sounded like she was possibly trying to set you up by just trying to force her infant on you when she could have taken the time to burp the baby then help the girls pack

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Safe_Competition_671 − I suspect the 'repacking' was just an excuse to snoop. NTA for refusing to hold her baby, I'd do the same, as I am childless by choice with zero experience. The fact that two children know how to take care of an infant hints she may be pushing child care off on them (parentification?). You're good.

EwokCafe − NTA I am a 30yo woman and have no idea how to burp a baby either. I'm an awesome babysitter for my sister's little boys tho. Once they can talk and are out of diapers I'm good with it.. I can see why she's an ex.

Scrabblement − NTA, but your fiance shouldn't have put you in this situation; it's not an unpredictable thing that his ex's anger at him spilled over onto you. If they're so angry at each other they can't talk,

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he should have sent the kids out to her car with their stuff when she pulled up (they're 9 and 11, it's not like he has to put them in her arms), not let her come in the house and left you to deal with her messy feelings.

auscadtravel − NTA never touch that baby, ever. She will blame you for something, like dropping it behind her back even if you never do. Don't ever let her set foot inside the home, she didn't need to repack anything. Also you need to really think about if you want this in your life, she's the kids mom and you will have to deal with her forever. She's a part of this relationship, a small part but still a part of it.

attack-ninja − She just drives over then starts breastfeeding on the walk up to the house? She set you up. Let me give you some advice. Do NOT become the buffer between your fiance and his ex. He's the one that married her, he can deal with her shenanigans.. NTA

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These Redditors called out the ex’s antics but urged tighter boundaries. Do their takes hit the mark, or are they just fueling the fire?

This tale of a botched custody exchange shows how quickly blended family tensions can flare. The woman’s inexperience with babies doesn’t dim her potential as a stepmom, but the ex’s attack struck a nerve. It’s a reminder that stepparenting demands resilience and clear boundaries. How would you navigate a confrontational ex in a blended family? Share your experiences below.

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