AITA for telling “guests” that they can’t come to my house unless they bring food or drinks to share?

Once the sole breadwinner to escape generational poverty, she and her husband now find themselves in familiar financial tight spots after his layoff. Month after month, they hosted family gatherings—covering every dish, drink, and dessert despite struggling to build their own savings. These monthly feasts became a cherished tradition, yet each one quietly chipped away at their budget.

This Independence Day, they planned to reclaim a quiet holiday with their children at the swim club. When relatives clamored to join—and burden the hosts with admission and dinner costs—they proposed a simple potluck: each family brings a dish and drinks to share. Their siblings balked, insisting they had no money for groceries. So the hosts stood firm, refusing to bankroll yet another meal they could barely afford.

‘AITA for telling “guests” that they can’t come to my house unless they bring food or drinks to share?’

Financial stress in family gatherings often stems from unspoken expectations and unequal contributions. As Dr. Marketa Wills of the American Psychiatric Association notes, “The idea that one is on the hook for buying gifts—or covering meals—for all their loved ones adds an enormous amount of stress”. In this case, the hosts’ decade-long generosity collided with sudden income changes, making the status quo untenable.

A core principle of savvy family budgeting is shared responsibility. Experts recommend setting clear expectations and dividing costs—especially during holidays and potlucks—to avoid resentment and preserve relationships. When everyone contributes, the financial burden lightens and each person feels invested in the event’s success.

The hosts’ insistence on a potluck reflects this best practice. As Suze Orman reminds us, “A big part of financial freedom is having your heart and mind free from worry about the what-ifs of life”. By shifting from full sponsorship to shared contributions, they protect their emergency fund and reduce anxiety—transforming the gathering into a collaborative celebration rather than a one-sided expense.

Practical solutions include rotating hosting duties, allocating a small food budget per household, and agreeing on simple dishes that accommodate everyone’s means. Clear, empathetic communication—expressing genuine desire to see family while highlighting financial realities—can turn potential conflict into an opportunity for collective support and understanding.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit users largely sided with the hosts, emphasizing that it’s neither rude nor selfish to ask guests to share costs when finances tighten. Many pointed out that expecting free admission to the swim club and a full meal placed an unfair burden on the couple.

Commenters suggested rotating who hosts each holiday, setting a modest per-family contribution, or organizing a true potluck to ensure everyone participates equally and respects one another’s budget constraints.

Changing long-standing family traditions can feel awkward, but fair cost-sharing preserves both relationships and financial well-being. When holiday gatherings strain the wallet, setting clear expectations and inviting collaborative contributions can transform stress into shared celebration. Have you navigated similar family-funding dilemmas? How did you balance generosity with your own budget needs? Share your strategies and experiences below!