AITA for Telling my Sister to Stop Bringing up her Dead Baby?

Picture a cozy living room, the faint scent of baby powder lingering as a new mom, Ashley, cradles her three-month-old bundle of joy. The glow of motherhood should light her face, but instead, tension hangs heavy—thanks to her sister Julie, whose haunting warnings about SIDS cast a shadow over every tender moment. For the older sister, a 36-year-old woman caught in the middle, the heartache is palpable. She’s watched Julie grieve the tragic loss of her baby to SIDS six years ago, offering every ounce of support.

Now, as the family pods together to help Ashley, Julie’s relentless cautions—“Don’t get too attached, you never know”—push Ashley to tears. The older sister’s frustration peaks, torn between empathy for Julie’s pain and a fierce need to protect Ashley’s fragile new-mom nerves. Readers, can you feel the weight of this tug-of-war? How does a family balance grief’s lasting echo with the hope of new life?

‘AITA for Telling my Sister to Stop Bringing up her Dead Baby?’

So my(36F) sister (33F, Julie) had a baby die of SIDS 6 years ago. I tried to support her in all the ways I could. She's now in a support group with other moms who have lost babies and is getting better and thinking about possibly having or adopting another kid. My other sister(26F, Ashley) just had her first baby 3 months ago.

All throughout her pregnancy and now while her baby is alive Julie keeps bringing up that the baby could die of SIDS. Like she'll say things like 'Don't get too attached, you never know'. I had my first kid before everything that happened to Julie and I still had a fear of SIDS or that something may go wrong in general.

But Ashley is really getting freaked out. My family is 'Podding' together so Julie and I were at Ashley's house yesterday trying to help out with the baby. Julie kept freaking her out and mentioning SIDS to the point where Ashley started crying and saying 'I really just want her to be ok' (In reference to her baby).

I took her in the other room and tried to calm her down by saying the baby wasn't going to die but Julie kept yelling in from the other room 'You never know'. I was really annoyed and when we went upstairs I asked her if maybe she could discuss this with a therapist or her support or even her husband.

She just kept saying 'I don't want to give Ashley false hope' and things like that. I asked if she could please stop bringing up the idea of her baby dying in front on Ashley. She got very annoyed and left suddenly. She hasn't said anything to me or anyone else since yesterday.

I understand that this is probably triggering for her but it's not Ashleys job to deal with that especially when she has a newborn and I don't know how to help her so I feel like suggesting she talk to people who do know how to help her isn't that bad but I do kinda feel like an AH for telling her to stop bringing it up. AITA here?

Navigating family dynamics after loss is a tightrope walk, especially when grief collides with new beginnings. Julie’s warnings to Ashley, while likely rooted in her own trauma, risk overwhelming a new mom already grappling with postpartum jitters. The older sister’s plea for Julie to seek therapy or lean on her support group? A gentle nudge toward healing, though Julie’s bristly exit suggests she’s not ready to hear it.

This isn’t just about one family—it’s a window into how grief lingers, sometimes spilling over into unexpected corners. According to the CDC, SIDS rates have declined since the 1990s, with about 1,250 cases in the U.S. in 2019 (source: cdc.gov). Yet, the fear looms large, especially for those like Julie, scarred by loss. Her cautionary chorus might shield her heart, but it’s drowning Ashley’s joy.

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Dr. Alan Wolfelt, a grief expert, notes, “Grief is not a disorder to be cured, but a process to be lived through with support” (source: centerforloss.com). Here, Julie’s unprocessed pain seems to fuel her projections, clashing with Ashley’s need for calm. A touch of satire: is Julie secretly auditioning for the role of family doomsayer? In truth, both sisters deserve grace—Julie to heal, Ashley to bond.

For Julie, therapy or a grief counselor could unpack that anger and fear, perhaps through cognitive behavioral techniques (see: apa.org). Ashley might benefit from boundaries—limiting Julie’s visits until she’s steadier. Open family talks, guided by a professional, could bridge this gap. Neutral ground, folks: no one’s the villain, just humans wrestling with messy emotions.

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Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Here are some hot takes from the Reddit community—candid and humorous, with a dash of spice! The crowd weighed in, and the verdict’s clear, but the flavors vary wildly. Check out the pulse of the internet:

Prior_Lobster_5240 − NTA Of course the baby could get SIDS. The baby could also get the flu and die. Or she could be in a car accident. That doesn't mean you talk about it all the time. My guess is your older sister is struggling with jealousy. It's not fair this new baby is here and giving her mother joy.

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And she's trying to hide her jealousy by 'warning' your younger sister...but really she's just projecting her anger. She needs to stop. It's not fair to anyone. It is so awful your sister lost her baby. It's not fair and I cannot imagine her pain. But that doesn't make it okay to constantly bring everyone else down.

[Reddit User] − NTA I kinda think you’ve put yourself down with the title, you haven’t really just told your sister to stop talking about her dead child, you asked her stop talking about SIDS for your other sisters sake. Having a child should be a good time and shouldn’t be riddled by someone who keeps reminding you of all the ways your kid could die.

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ThinkingRose − So much NTA. Julie should not be around Ashley right now! Giving advice to help prevent SIDS is one thing, but what she's doing right now is basically trying to harass Ashley into believing that her daughter is inevitably going to die, while Ashley is already dealing with PP hormones. This is abuse. It needs to stop now! No matter what anyone says to you about this, get Julie out of that house!!

Silvalirum − You, OP, have the patient of a Saint, or a giant rock idk. I would have blown up in her face like the vulcano with the nice name in Iceland. Your sister needs professional grief counseling...and to stop terrorizing the family.. Protect your younger sister and her kid by keeping the other sister away until she gets up.

PolyesterAtrocity − NTA. That whole dead-baby routine is really awful. Ashley doesn't need to hear this on a continuous loop. Julie sounds as if she needs some counseling to get past it all (she may already be). Telling a new mother she 'shouldn't get too attached' because the baby could die is just horrific.

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I would probably have given Julie the same message but in less polite terms. She has become a raging TA on this issue, and I would suggest that Ashley stay keep away from her as much as possible while the baby is young. Hearing that over and over would drive a person batty.

ghostcraft33 − NTA - She's clearly still grieving- but putting this idea in Ashley's head that she 'shouldn't get too attached because the baby could die' is disturbing.

Thediciplematt − NTA Had a friend lose a baby to SIDS. We had her the night before and it was devastating to realize the baby was there one day and she wasn’t the next. It wasn’t even our child, yet we felt so guilty like we did something to cause it. Julie clearly needs to work through her junk but I would not let her around any newborns anytime soon. She is obviously not ready.

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Geek_is_my_chic − Nta, i’d honestly respond with “welp I better not get attached to you either you could get in a car crash tomorrow or get COVID or a terminal disease”, seriously it’s ridiculous how she’s treating Ashley. Like I get your baby died and that’s really difficult to go through but don’t push it onto other people.

Not-Today9041 − I was prepared to call you and AH, based on the title...but you are NTA. Julie needs help, and Ashley needs yo be able to enjoy her daughter. You did nothing wrong, only what needed to be done.

Annalirra − NTA at all. Julie clearly doesn’t have support she really needs in her grieving. She’s acting out at Ashley because her grief and loss includes a whole lot of anger. She knows she has no real right to be angry at Ashley for having a baby and at the same time, it puts her own loss right back in her face. Ashley knows very well about SIDS and she doesn’t need it constantly thrown in her face.

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The odds are in Ashley’s favor and Julie needs to get some professional help to figure out how to be ok being around babies again. It’s nice that she’s thinking of another or adopting but I can only imagine at this stage how overprotective and overbearing she will be and what that would do to the child. Julie sounds like she’s really not ok here.

These are popular opinions on Reddit, but do they really reflect reality? One redditor quips Julie’s “dead-baby routine” is a horror show—harsh, yet you can’t help but chuckle at the bluntness.

This family’s saga weaves grief, love, and clashing perspectives into a knotty tapestry. The older sister stood up for Ashley, hoping to shield her newborn joy, but Julie’s pain runs deep, and healing’s no overnight fix. It’s a delicate dance—empathy versus boundaries, memory versus hope. Both sisters need support, and maybe a therapist’s couch could be the stage for peace. What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Share your thoughts, feelings, or experiences below—how would you balance loyalty to a grieving sibling with protecting a new mom’s peace?

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