AITA for inviting my dad’s girlfriend over my real mom to spend the day with me?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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The clink of a tennis ball echoed across the court, sweat glistened, and a 17-year-old tomboy clinched second place in a tournament. Her prize? A luxurious spa day for two, a chance to unwind and bond. But when she chose her dad’s girlfriend, Julia, over her mom, the victory glow faded into family tension. Her mom’s disappointment cast a shadow over their already shaky bond, leaving the teen wrestling with guilt and loyalty.

This story dives into the messy heart of blended families, where a teen’s choice to honor someone who showed up for her sparked hurt feelings. It’s a tale that resonates with anyone navigating divided loyalties or yearning for connection, served with a sprinkle of humor to lighten the emotional load. Was her decision a bold move or a misstep?

‘AITA for inviting my dad’s girlfriend over my real mom to spend the day with me?’

My (17F) parents got divorced 6 years ago. My mom quickly remarried and my dad has been seeing his new girlfriend for nearly 2 years now. I now live at mom's house for two weeks, then switch over to dad's house for the next two weeks.

My relationship with my mom has always been difficult. I always felt like my mom wished for a more 'girly' daughter, so we could do classical mother-daughter activities together but I'm simply not that person my mom wants me to be. I've always been more 'tomboyish' and been into sports, especially tennis since was a little girl,

something my mom never truly understood or made an effort to be interested in. As a result my mom and I never had the close mother-daughter relationship I feel like my mom wished for us to have. Now my relationship with my dad has been the polar opposite. My dad and I always got along great and I have always been a 'daddy's girl'.

But when my dad introduced me to his new girlfriend Julia, I instantly disliked her. My younger me thought she was stealing my dad from me. Her being relatively young (27 when they began dating), and a - how I unfairly stereotyped her at first - 'vapid pretty girl' certainly didn't make me like her either.

But my younger me misjudged her, and she's honestly pretty great. She always supported me, showed in interest in my passions, showed up to my tennis matches - something my mom didn't bother to do - and has been a great person all around. I'm now ashamed to admit this but I didn't recognize this until \~3 months ago and have been acting pretty horrible towards her before that.

The problem: Second last weekend I had a tennis tournament where I got second place. For the second place, I won a spa day for me and a guest. I decided to invite Julia (my dad's gf) to thank her for supporting me and for dealing with my horrible behavior. You don't believe how happy she was when I invited her.

But when I returned to my mom's place on Sunday evening my mom kind of assumed I would invite her as my guest for the spa day. She seemed to really look forward to it. When I awkwardly told her that I already invited Julia she was disappointed and sad. Since then, she has acted downcast and moody,

and we haven't really talked. I tried to explain the situation to her, but she won't listen. Now I feel horrible. I feel like really hurt my mom and I feel like I chose Julia over her.. AITA for inviting my dad's gf over my mom to spend the day with me?

Choosing a spa day partner shouldn’t feel like picking sides in a family feud. Dr. Lisa Damour, a psychologist specializing in adolescent development, says, “Teens often gravitate toward adults who validate their interests, especially when primary relationships feel strained” . The OP’s decision to invite Julia reflects gratitude for her support at tennis matches, contrasting her mom’s disinterest. Yet, her mom’s hurt is understandable, given her longing for a closer bond.

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This scenario mirrors broader challenges in blended families. A 2022 study from the Journal of Family Psychology found that 55% of teens in divorced families struggle with parental favoritism perceptions . The OP’s mom may feel sidelined, but her lack of engagement with her daughter’s passions widened the gap. Julia’s effort bridged it, earning the invite.

Dr. Damour suggests open communication to mend ties: “Teens can express appreciation while addressing hurt feelings.” The OP could plan a low-key activity with her mom, like a coffee outing, to rebuild connection without forcing shared interests. For readers, this underscores balancing gratitude with sensitivity in family dynamics. Acknowledging mom’s feelings while honoring Julia’s support can pave the way for healing.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

The Reddit squad brought their A-game, dishing out empathy, advice, and a few spicy takes. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the crowd:

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WritPositWrit − NAH but I can definitely see how this would have hurt your mother. You say she likes girly things and here’s a girly thing but you didn’t want to share it with her. Sit down with your mom, tell her you noticed she’s hurt and you did not intend that,

you feel awful, and explain that you invited Julia as an apology of sorts to make up for being so awful to her for so long. Then let your mom know that you would really love to have a special mother-daughter spa day just with her.

njbella − NAH. It was certainly your choice to invite whoever you wanted. It is unfortunate this this major olive branch to Julia hurt your mother. I understand why your mom would be sad, but hopefully you’ll both be able to move past it.

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It could be a good opportunity for a deeper conversation about how you appreciate her and wish you shared more common interests or that she’d take more of an interest in your activities and passions. Congrats on placing in the tourney.

BellaBlue06 − NTA she doesn’t even show up to your tennis tournament and is sad you didn’t invite her to a spa you won at the match? My mom also wouldn’t bother to show up to my sports events. It hurt. As an adult I’ve taken her to the spa and paid for it and she won free gift certificates after and said she’d take me.

She let them expire and never brought it up again. I finally asked what happened and she admitted she let them expire and didn’t want to talk about it.. So I have to go with the people that actually care and make an effort that should feel appreciated.. Your mom didn’t make an effort and expected you to treat her. That’s not fair of her to expect

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empressmidnight − NTA. I feel like people are forgetting the fact that OP won this during a tennis tournament, something that mom probably never bothered to show up for in the first place. Sure, mom feels bad about the fact that the one 'girly' thing OP is going to do isn't with her, but I think she has to realize that effort in the relationship needs to go both ways.

Dad's girlfriend showed up even though she (presumably) didn't like tennis either and in this case is being rewarded for her kindness to come to OPs events along with the relationship she was willing to work for and build with OP.

If OP had won something like a day at a sports complex or something I'd be inclined to believe that mom wouldn't even be upset if OP invited the girlfriend instead of her. Sure she's going to feel bad about the spa day and maybe spending time with her daughter during an activity she likes, but I see it more of a consequence to the effort she put into the relationship.

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ollieclark − NTA. Presumably you do other things with your mum and Julie is the one who has been supporting you in your tennis, not your mother. Would she have been upset if it was one of your friends you invited? If she wants to go to a spa with you, there's nothing stopping her booking it and going with you.

RemoteBroccoli − NAH.While I can see how your mother IS hurt by this, you did do the right thing doing a SPA-day for your dads GF. Your mother will feel hurt a time, but she'll get over it. May I suggest having a homespa day with your mother? A whole day, just you, her, food that you both prepere and talk crap about former things, not including this?

BoldHYPER − NTA you want to be with someone who supports you

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Glooberty − NAH. You're 17 and believe me, you won't get many such quick opportunities to thank people or make amends (as you did with Julia) later on, so make the most of it.

smudgewick − NTA. I can see your mom being excited to spend that time with you but I absolutely understand your reasoning too. The way Julia has supported you does deserve to be rewarded. She sounds like she weathered your stormy attitude and came out still supportive and loving. I originally said N A H, but thinking about your mom’s behavior has me on the edge. She is a grown woman. She is also reaping the lack of rewards from her lack of support.

Lovehatepassionpain − NTA I am a parent of a daughter- she is an adult now, but her dad and I divorced when she was only 3. It's hard, as parents, sometimes to navigate the emotional components of co-parenting, new spouses or partners, etc..however, as adults, it is our JOB to support our kids, and their decisions.

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Had my daughter invited her stepmom to a spa day instead of me, I will admit, I would have probably been hurt, however I would NEVER have let my daughter know that! It isn't the child job to pacify the feelings of their parents, unless the kid is deliberately being cruel, which was not the case here.

I almost went with NAH, because I understand how your mom feels - however, it is important not to guilt your children in situations such as this, even inadvertently. Mom should have sucked it up, listened to you when you wanted to explain your decision making and reasoning, and should have acted like an adult. I am sure your mom is wonderful, but she missed the boat slightly on this one.

These Redditors rallied around the OP’s choice, though some felt for her mom’s bruised heart. Their lively mix of support and suggestions adds fuel to the debate: does effort trump blood ties, or is mom’s pain a wake-up call?

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This tale of tennis triumphs and family tensions highlights the power of showing up—and the fallout when bonds fray. The OP’s choice to honor Julia was a heartfelt thank-you, but it left her mom nursing a wound. It’s a reminder that in blended families, small gestures can carry big weight. What would you do if you had to choose between rewarding support and soothing hurt feelings? Share your thoughts below!

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