Would I be the A-hole if I moved across the country to escape babysitting for my family?

A 19-year-old woman feels trapped as her parents rely on her to babysit her five younger siblings daily, derailing her work, social life, and rest. Eyeing a college across the country, she sees a chance to reclaim her freedom, but guilt lingers as her parents face costly childcare without her. Her story of balancing family duty with personal dreams resonates with anyone torn between love and independence.

Her plan to move sparked a wave of support on social media, with users debating her right to prioritize herself versus her family’s needs. Was she justified in seeking escape, or should she stay to help? Packed with emotional reactions and questions of fairness, this tale explores the weight of family expectations. Let’s dive into her journey.

'Would I be the A-hole if I moved across the country to escape babysitting for my family?'

The burden began with a growing family and mounting responsibilities.

So I (19f) have 5 younger siblings (11m,9f, and 1 triplets) and have been roped into babysitting them almost everyday. It’s gotten to the point where I had to change...

Initially, she accepted the role, but it became overwhelming.

At first I didn’t mind because I was living under my parents roof rent free and because my job doesn’t pay enough for me to rent an apartment where we...

But now I’m barely able to go out with my friends or even do the activities that I signed up to do on the weekends because my parents just hand...

The demands disrupted her sleep and personal life.

I even end up have to put one of the triplets to sleep which can take hours and takes sleep away from me. I’m up between 4-6am to help get...

Her parents’ expectations blurred family roles, adding emotional strain.

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One of the triplets even calls me Ma and my mom Mama, which my mom hates.

A college opportunity offered a way out, but guilt lingered.

I’m trying to go to college and one of the colleges I applied for is basically across the country and if I go my parents would have to deal with...

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I’ve heard my parents complain about it so I feel a little bad but I honestly need to escape because I feel exhausted all the time.

Despite setting boundaries, her parents ignored her needs.

Edit: I’m not choosing this college only because it’s far from my family. It also has the degree that I want and I wouldn’t have to worry about out of...

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I have tried many times to set boundaries but my parents just ignore them. In fact as I’m typing this I’m putting one of the triplets down for nap time...

I couldn’t say no because as soon as I got back from a doctors appointment my mom walked out the door after complaining about being late to work because of...

This young woman’s struggle highlights the unfair burden of parentification, where children are forced into parental roles. Her parents’ reliance on her for childcare, while practical for them, has robbed her of autonomy, rest, and opportunities, leaving her exhausted. Her desire to attend college far away is a healthy step toward independence, though her guilt reflects the emotional weight of family expectations.

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Psychologist Dr. Lisa Damour notes, “Young adults need space to build their own lives, free from excessive family obligations”. The parents could explore affordable childcare options, like subsidies or part-time help, to ease their burden without exploiting their daughter. A family discussion, perhaps with a counselor, could clarify responsibilities and support her transition.

Practical steps include her firmly restating her boundaries, emphasizing her college plans, and seeking support from extended family or mentors. She should secure important documents and prepare for pushback, as her parents may resist. This approach empowers her to prioritize her future while encouraging her parents to take responsibility.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Users overwhelmingly supported her right to prioritize herself.

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dr_lucia − Go to college away from home especially if they aren't paying! Absolutely. It will be very difficult to babysit full time and go to school full time. And...

[Reddit User] − NTA. Your parents have a job and that’s to parent all of their kids. This is not your responsibility. Go to the college that will be best...

Buddy-Sue − GO…and work on the guilt you’re gonna feel! Maybe counseling sessions at your new college!

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Some highlighted the parents’ unfairness.

yakkerswasneverhere − It really grinds my gears when I hear parents dumping their parenting responsibilities on their children. They didn't have the kids. They're fuckin kids! They've trained you to...

After everything you've done for them over the last decade, you have zero need to feel guilty about a damn thing. Go learn about the world and discover yourself. You...

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SuperHuckleberry125 − Get your documents to a safe place because I can almost guarantee that they will do everything in their power to sabotage you going anywhere. You are an...

You are not obligated to give up your entire life to parent your siblings because your parents are too lazy to. Get out. Far away. So they can't call you...

Humorous takes underscored her need to escape.

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Intrepid_Potential60 − Go to college, live your life!

coldhammerforged − They had a bunch of kids, that's on them. Making it your problem is wrong. Here is an experiment you can try. Start setting small boundaries. Tell them...

However the more often you choose your own life over babysitting the more upset they become. Soon enough you will be called selfish and inconsiderate. Don't you know hard it...

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Guess what, none of that is your problem. Babysitting is a courtesy not an expectation. The closer you are to that home the more they will want help. Need time...

Sorry the triplets have diahrreah and we need help. Boyfriend wants a romantic weekend with just you and him? Sorry dad got called away last minute to work and your...

[Reddit User] − I was in a similar situation to yourself that took away my late teens. My mother passed and my stepfather dumped my much younger brother on me...

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I missed out on so many things and was forced to grow up way too early. I have made up for it in my late 20s and early 30s, traveled...

[Reddit User] − Every time you start to feel guilty, repeat this to yourself: "Not my creampie, not my problem. " YOU did not choose to have a bazillion kids....

Cute-Profession9983 − Go as far as possible. Your parents are irresponsible asshats.

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Interesting_Wing_461 − 70 year old grandma here. Your parents are taking serious advantage of you. They chose to have kids and need to figure this out. Leave, don't look back....

error404echonotfound − NTA. Be free

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Snackinpenguin − NTA. They chose to have more kids. With their logic that OP should continue to be a babysitter, she can get to go off to college herself when...

cachalker − YWNBTA. Escape…whatever it takes, escape. They chose to have 4 pregnancies. You did not. Do not put your life on hold to raise babies you had no part...

Be prepared that you might have to go limited contact in order to preserve your own mental health. But you are not free labor just because you’re family. You’re entitled...

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fromhelley − my mom walked out the door after complaining about being late to work because of me. It wasn't because of you, it was because she chose to have...

She only assumed though, that you would put her life ahead of your own and give up all your wants and needs for hers. That was a huge mistake on...

If the did ivf, then this is nobody's problem but their (once you escape to college). I think you should get out of there asap whether you go to college...

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And yes, I use escape because it will never end by her parents choice, and it won't end through discussion. They will never condone her moving out, so escape is...

This young woman’s dream of college offers a chance to break free from the exhausting role of unpaid caregiver to her siblings. Her parents’ reliance on her, while understandable, has crossed into exploitation, leaving her drained. Social media users rallied behind her, urging her to seize her future. As she weighs her escape, one question lingers: How would you balance family duty with your own dreams? Share below!

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