Woman Refuses to Move and Start a Family After Partner Admits He'll Be a Part-Time Parent - Movies & TV update: News, Reviews and Trending

We all know that moment when a carefully laid plan suddenly reveals a massive, hidden flaw. For one thirty-year-old mother, the dream of expanding her family was built on the firm promise of partnership and shared responsibility. Having already navigated the exhausting waters of solo parenting with her five-year-old, she was clear about one thing: she wasn’t going to do it alone a second time.

However, as her partner’s career in the booming cannabis industry began to take off, his vision of their future started looking less like a team effort and more like a recurring solo act for her. The reality of a high-travel schedule and a lack of childcare support turned a happy milestone into a heated standoff. Want the juicy details? The full story is right below.

Woman Refuses to Move and Start a Family After Partner Admits He'll Be a Part-Time Parent

AITA for getting upset that my partner is okay with me raising our child by myself while he’s traveling for work?

The couple begins their journey with clinical precision, yet the shadow of her past struggles as a single mother looms over every decision.

For context, I (30F) and my partner (31M) are trying to start a family.

We’ve been intentional about planning, tracking ovulation, and talking through parenting.

I also have a 5-year-old from a previous relationship, whom I’ve raised entirely on my own.

He knows this.

We’ve been discussing moving either near his work in Minnesota or back to my hometown.

He works in the cannabis industry, which is expanding quickly, and his role will require extensive travel during the week for the next few years.

Some nights he’ll be home, some he won’t, and we don’t have a clear schedule yet.

He’s currently negotiating a raise or better travel compensation, possibly eliminating the apartment he pays for in the city he works in (about $1,500/month).

The financial safety net she expected suddenly thins, leaving her facing the prospect of isolation in a new state.

Recently, he said that even with a raise, it may not be enough for me to stay home full-time (which was originally his idea while I’m in school) or afford...

This upset me because I thought that was the point of the raise he was asking for.

I explained that it’s not fair to expect me to stay home with two kids alone during the week while he travels.

I’ve already done solo parenting and don’t want to do that again.

We don’t have a support system in Minnesota.

He does have strong support in Omaha, and I suggested that as an option, along with living in Iowa where costs are lower and we could afford part-time help.

If those aren’t possible, I feel we should pause trying for a baby or reconsider his job if he doesn’t want me working.

A sharp moment of clarity arrives when his refusal to reciprocate future support exposes the fundamental imbalance of their arrangement.

He was surprised by my pushback and assumed I had already considered all of this.

I hadn’t, because we had clear conversations about me not wanting to do this alone.

I even said if I did take this on, I’d want time later to travel and study abroad while he took over, and he immediately said that "wouldn’t work" due...

I feel like I’m being asked to carry the full weight of parenting without support, and when I try to explain the reality of that, I get "I understand," but...

I support his career, but not at the expense of doing this alone again.

Am I wrong for setting a boundary that I won’t move to Minnesota, have a baby, and raise two kids mostly by myself while he’s gone?

Community Opinions

The Reddit community was largely supportive of the OP's boundary, though several commenters pointed out that her 'study abroad' suggestion might have muddied the waters of the argument.

u/Winter_Mosss NTA. Living in a new state with a 5-year-old and a newborn while your partner is gone most of the week is a recipe for postpartum depression and resentment....

u/DoTheRoarararar
I’m confused.
You want to be a stay at home mom but also have paid help and have your husband, who’s working and paying for everyone to also help?

u/keishajay NTA. I did it once. And I decided that I would NEVER do that again (with knowledge that it would be the case). Stop trying for now. There is...

u/ThrowawayLaundryDay
NTA.
Please do not have another baby yet.
He is not ready or willing to be a present parent alongside you.

u/LionFyre13G Are you saying you don’t want to move to Minnesota unless you can be a SAHM? Are you able to be a SAHM if you stay where you’re at?...

u/FilthyThanksgiving
NTA. You'll regret having a kid with this dude.

u/zgrssd NTA What is euphemistically called "workaholic" is in reality a home avoider. He might end up being a mere paycheck parent. It might even be a attempt to baby...

u/Glass-Satisfaction19
NTA you are being perfectly reasonable. Do stand your ground.

u/Proper_Hunter_9641 If you don’t want to do solo parenting again I suspect you will have to 1) find a different man that will parent with you, or 2) move back...

u/Dravid-Vanol NTA. You’ve already done solo parenting and you’re clearly saying you won’t do it again that’s a fair boundary. Planning a baby without realistic support isn’t responsible, and you’re...

u/Sainz_Paglu
NTA.
He won't be much of a PARTner if he doesn't take part with you, right? I think you should think this situation thoroughly..

u/lisa_lionheart84
How are you supposed to work while also being home alone with a newborn and a 5-year-old so much of the time? That sounds terrible.
NTA.

u/singerbeerguy ESH. So you both want to be parents, but he wants to leave you on your own to raise the kid now and then you want to leave him...

u/rockology_adam Are you wrong for setting this boundary? No, not at all. This the right call. Do not attempt to have a child with this person now. But whose fault...

u/Only-Breadfruit-6108 You definitely shouldn’t have another baby with him, but you don’t work, you study, and you already have a child, and he’s paying for it all, so it’s fine...

While most saw a red flag in the partner's lack of flexibility, a few pragmatic voices noted that 'workaholic' tendencies are often hard-coded and rarely change after a baby arrives.

It is clear that this couple is speaking two different languages: one focuses on career advancement and financial provision, while the other prioritizes emotional presence and shared labor. Without a compromise on location or a significant shift in his work-travel requirements, they risk building a family on a foundation of impending resentment.

Do you believe the partner is being selfish by prioritizing his career, or is the OP being unrealistic about the demands of a high-growth industry? And if you were in her shoes, would you move to a new state without a guaranteed support system? Share your hot take below!