Wife Uncovers Husband’s Lies About Money, Questions 23-Year Marriage

Imagine a family home buzzing with the chaos of four kids, where a mom juggles budgets and dreams of a new house. Now picture her heart sinking as she uncovers her husband’s secret: a hidden bank account, hot on the heels of a clandestine townhouse. The sting isn’t the money—it’s the lies. For this 44-year-old stay-at-home mom, her 23-year marriage is teetering, and with a house closing looming, the stakes couldn’t be higher.

This woman thought she and her husband were rebuilding trust after his secret townhouse fiasco. But a sneaky e-transfer and a phone call dripping with excuses revealed another betrayal. As Reddit users rally with fiery advice, her story begs the question: can a marriage survive when trust is repeatedly shattered? Let’s dive into her tale, unpack the deception, and explore what it means for love and loyalty.

‘Wife Uncovers Husband’s Lies About Money, Questions 23-Year Marriage’

Things haven’t been adding up lately literally. So hubby got a new phone around Christmas the year before and forgot to turn the location off. Basically I got to watch him go places without me and our four kids for about three months before I couldn’t keep my mouth shut anymore.

He ended up ending the lease and promising to live at home only. I know I’m an i**ot already for that. I usually take care of the financials with budgets and bills. I used to work in a bank until childcare became too expensive and I became a stay at home mom. So the past year it’s been eating at me. Like how did he pull this off without me noticing.

We are joint on all our accounts. So I sent him a 5,00 e-transfer to his email address. It was set to auto deposit. It didn’t show up in any of our accounts so I knew he had another account. I had asked him twice since I found out about the lease if he had another account. He said no. So I texted him asking him about it and he called me back!

He only does this when he’s doing shady stuff so there’s no proof. He basically tried to gaslight me but I wasn’t having it today. It’s really not about the bank account. After the whole townhouse incident we were supposed to be starting over. I was supposed to be able to trust him, no more lies. He financially does well and has worked hard to get to where he is.

I don’t care what he spends his money on. I don’t like being lied to and he promised not to. That’s the issue. He could have just said he had another account and I would have been chill. But now we are supposed to be in a good place trust wise so we are closing on a house in one month, should I finally take a hint and leave? Or is this ok behaviour since I’m a sahm and it’s his money anyways?

This husband’s secret financial moves aren’t just about dollars—they’re a betrayal of trust that cuts deep. In a marriage, especially one with shared responsibilities and kids, honesty is the glue that holds everything together. His lies about the townhouse and bank account signal a troubling pattern.

Dr. John Gottman, a leading marriage researcher, emphasizes, “Trust is built in very small moments, and broken when those moments are betrayed” (The Gottman Institute). Here, the husband’s deception—hiding assets while gaslighting his wife—undermines their partnership. His actions suggest a need for control or secrecy, possibly linked to infidelity, as Reddit suspects.

Financial infidelity is a growing issue. A 2023 survey found 42% of couples experience hidden accounts or spending, often leading to divorce (Forbes). The wife’s discovery reflects this trend, compounded by her role as a stay-at-home mom, which may heighten her vulnerability.

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She should confront him with clear evidence and demand transparency, perhaps with a financial advisor present. Consulting a lawyer to understand her rights, especially before the house closing, is crucial. Couples counseling could help, but only if he commits to honesty.

 

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See what others had to share with OP:

The Reddit crew jumped in with a mix of empathy and eye-rolls, serving up advice as spicy as a kitchen mishap. From calling out the fiancé’s tantrum to urging counseling, their comments are a lively mix of support and sass. Here’s what they had to say:

misstiff1971 − Forensic accountant and divorce.

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torchedinflames999 − He rented the townhouse for his gf. That will come up when your divorce attorney demands he produce the lease.. Take this fucker for everything.

Opening_Track_1227 − should I finally take a hint and leave?  Yes, it is going to hard and tough but you & your four kids will be better off in the long run

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Kikikididi − So is it a mistress or a second family that lives in the townhouse?

curlyhairweirdo − You know he got the townhouse for his side chick right

Apprehensive-Owl4635 − A person who does something like this is never going to be truthful. There is no good reason to have a secret townhouse or a second bank account. The reason he is going to give is going to be a lie. You are never going to be able to trust this person. Do you want to live your life like this?

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Murky_Anxiety4884 − But now we are supposed to be in a good place trust wise so we are closing on a house in one month, should I finally take a hint and leave? Or is this ok behaviour since I’m a sahm and it’s his money anyways? Talk to a lawyer to get a better idea where you stand. I would say that if your deal doesn't get restructured to work like a business partnership, with proper accounting, then you should divorce.

tlf555 − He is using marital assets to fund his affairs. Get a good lawyer and take him to the cleaners.

NimueArt − He is cheating on you. There is no other plausible reason for what he is doing. Do you want your kids to be raised thinking that cheating is ok?

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hypoxiate − You do know he's cheating on you, right?

These opinions are as bold as a front-door showdown, but do they nail the issue? Is this a one-off or a warning sign?

This couple’s greeting gaffe shows how quickly love can stumble over unspoken rules. Their story, resolved with an apology and counseling, reminds us that communication is the glue holding relationships together. But what if the silent treatment lingers? How would you handle a partner who expects you to read their mind? Share your stories and wisdom below—let’s keep this conversation blooming like those well-watered plants!

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