Wife (32f) wants me (32m) to cut off my sister (24f) due to her not “helping” us out with something a month ago. I don’t know how to properly approach this situation with her?

Venus Hours
Comments 0 Comments

In a quiet suburban home, new parenthood’s joy is tested by a brewing storm. A couple, basking in their 6-month-old’s glow, hits a snag when a long-awaited date night crumbles. The wife, craving a break, clashes with the husband’s sister, who’s as keen on babies as a cat on a leash.

Her refusal to babysit sparks a fiery ultimatum, threatening family ties. With postpartum emotions swirling, this Reddit drama begs the question: can love for a child respect personal boundaries, or will it tear kin apart?

‘Wife (32f) wants me (32m) to cut off my sister (24f) due to her not “helping” us out with something a month ago. I don’t know how to properly approach this situation with her?’

My wife and I have a 6 month old baby, and he is the light of our lives. Before our son was born, however, my sister made it known that she was not a baby person (I've known of this nearly our whole lives, and my wife even knew, but I'm starting to wonder if she didn't quite take it seriously).

Sister came to our baby shower, where she agin made it known that while she was happy for us, she wouldn't have much to do with the kid until at least they were older. I remember my wife making a comment along the lines of, 'aw, he's going to love his auntie/ 'you'll love him when he gets here' or something like that. My sister just laughed it off, but I saw the irritation in her eyes.

I talked to my wife that night and told her that my sister was serious, I know her, and she really doesn't like babies/small children, and that we shouldn't try to force her to interact much with our little one until she's ready. We had a bit of back and forth, but the convo basically ended with wife saying that 'okay, of course we won't force her.'

Fast forward a few months, our baby boy is here. Sis showed up at the hospital and brought us a balloon and to show support, but she didn't really interact or look at our newborn much, and left quickly. My wife was too distracted with doting/loving on our son to really notice.

Fast forward a few months to about a month ago (when our son was 5 months), I had planned a nice dinner date for the two of us at a very exclusive restaurant (a place she's always wanted to go to, and is always booked out). I surprised her with a reservation that I had booked a few months in advance around her birthday.

I thought it would be good for both of us to have a night out and take a quick breather from parenthood, and to reconnect as a couple. She was very excited for it (so was I), but a few hours before our reservation, our babysitter cancelled. Wife frantically suggested we call my sister (our parents are both aged and not able to move around a lot).

I knew that sis was going to say no, but wife was very insistent. I tried calling a few friends first, but everyone was busy or couldn't since it was very last minute. Finally, after my wife insisting some more, I called my sister. I told her what was going on, and of course I was right abiut her answer. She said she was sorry, but she didn't want to. I told my wife this.

My wife asked me if I could put her on speaker phone. I was hesitant . After I put her on speaker phone, she shouted loudly into the phone, 'Why won't you come watch your nephew??' My sister was silent for a moment. She said she wasn't comfortable . My wife said, 'why not? He's your nephew?'

At this point I took her off the speaker phone, and told my sister I'd call her back. My wife was hysterical in tears. We didn't end up making the reservation. I tried to comfort her by telling her that we could still do something that weeekned for her birthday, and I'd reschedule the reservation for whenever they were next available.

But she wasn't in a good mood for a few days after this occurred, and I knew at that point that she really disliked sister. Yesterday was the day that everything went south. I got a call from sister saying that she needed me to come take her to the hospital; she was having an emergency (she lives less than 10 minutes away). This was about at 11pm. Baby and wife were asleep.

I texted wife where I was going before I left in case she woke up, and left. Everything went well, sister is okay, but we didn't get out of hospital until around 6am. When I got home this morning, my wife at first didn't say a thing to me. I asked her if she got my messages throughout the night, and if she was alright. She didn't speak.

I went into the office to work (yes I work on Sundays), and about 10 minutes later, she barged in the room and started yelling. She told me that it's insane that I left her in the middle of the night to go help someone that doesn't want to help us. She said that if it was that big of an emergency, she should've just called the ambulance, and I should've woke her up to tell her first.

We went back and forth for a bit, but in the end she told me that if I don't cut sister off, she 'doesn't know what will happen to our relationship', and I need to prioritize our family. I know she is still upset about what happened last month, but to completely cut off my sister? I don't think that's at all an appropriate thing to do.

All she did was assert her boundaries, though I won't lie; I was hurt and a bit frustrated when we lost our reservation, but I got over it because I've known that sister wouldn't want much to do with the baby for a while. I love my wife and family more than anything. But my sister is also one of my loved family members. She has shown up, in a way, to the baby shower and the birth.

Other than when caring for the baby, wife and I haven't spoken much today, but I don't want to continue things like this. I don't know how to approach this situation. She's still dealing with postpartum hormones, so I understand she may still be feeling on edge and protective of the baby.

But I feel like we should address this sooner than later, I just want to in a delicate, compass way towards both of them. **tl;dr**: Wife gave me an ultimatum of cutting off sister due to me helping her out in a situation when she 'refused' to help us out. I don't think this is an appropriate response but am sensitive to wife's protectiveness/ still touchy postpartum state. How do I approach this with her?

This family saga is a classic clash of boundaries versus expectations, with a newborn caught in the crossfire. The wife’s insistence on involving the sister, despite her clear discomfort with babies, hints at a deeper sense of entitlement, while the husband’s late-night hospital dash for his sister underscores his loyalty to family. Both sides have valid feelings, but the ultimatum to cut ties feels like a pressure cooker ready to burst.

The wife’s reaction may be fueled by postpartum challenges, which can amplify emotions. According to Dr. Alexandra Sacks, a reproductive psychiatrist, “Postpartum is a vulnerable time when new mothers may feel overwhelmed, leading to heightened sensitivity or rigid expectations” (source: TED Talk on Matrescence). This could explain her fixation on the sister’s refusal, perceiving it as a personal slight rather than a boundary.

Broadening the lens, this story reflects a societal assumption that women, especially family members, should naturally embrace childcare roles. A 2021 study from the Pew Research Center found that 60% of mothers feel judged for their parenting choices, often by family, which can breed resentment when expectations aren’t met (source: Pew Research Center). The sister’s stance challenges this norm, highlighting a double standard where women face harsher scrutiny for opting out of caregiving.

Dr. Sacks’ insight suggests the wife might benefit from reframing the sister’s boundary as self-awareness, not rejection. For the husband, open communication is key. He could gently acknowledge his wife’s feelings while firmly defending his sister’s right to say no. Couples therapy or a postpartum support group could help them navigate this tension.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit users didn’t hold back, serving up a spicy mix of support and shade. Here’s a peek at the top 10 comments that lit up the thread, brimming with candid takes and a dash of humor:

Dont139 − There is a difference of priority between making a diner reservation and needing to go to the hospital asap. One is about pleasure, the other is about health. It sounds like your wife never actually respected your qister's feelings about kids, and dismissed them because she obvioulsy knew better.

And now she is trying to manipulate you to cut her off because sister isn't giving into her demands. You kinda are at fault for letting it go that far and calling your sister and putting her on speaker. She had already been clear but you chose to put her in this situation because you didn't feel like standing up to your wife.

It's time she understands that just because she thinks something should take priority doesn't mean others see it that way. That your sister has always been clear about it and that she has done nothing out of character. That you don't see what she's done as bad.

You can ask for a favor and the person you ask has the right to say no, for whatever reason. Otherwise you are not asking, you are commanding. And none of you have that right to order your sister and treat her time as your own. Eventhough it's what your wife wants to do. She is not respecting your sister and looking very entitled.

ChickenScratchCoffee − Your wife is an AH. Your sister said she’s happy for you guys but she’s not comfortable interacting/babysitting. Your wife is not entitled to your sister’s time and she shouldn’t be stomping all over her boundaries. Tell your wife the way she treated your sister was entitled and wrong, you will not be cutting your sister off, and your wife needs to grow up.

bloodrose_80 − Here’s the deal, being a parent means sometimes plans fall through. You and your wife chose to have a baby, that means you and your wife are responsible for figuring out these things. Your sister does not owe you free babysitting. Your wife needs to understand not everyone loves babies or small children. Your sister set her boundaries forth and you both knew she would say no. Also, it does suck to miss out on a dinner out, but it was not an emergency.

jen2268 − As a teen, my (now adult) son was adored by all of the neighborhood kids. Parents would ask all the time if he would be willing to babysit. My son is GREAT around kids. But he can’t stand kids. As a young man, he is very transparent with everyone he dates that he will not be having children. There has been very little said by anyone to try to dissuade him.

At 24, he has been approved for and has scheduled an appointment to get the snip. And yet, a family friend of the same age, female, has been denied a similar procedure that would prevent her from having children because she is a woman and doctors say no until she‘s over 30.

There is a definite double standard when it comes to women not wanting to have or be around kids versus men not wanting to have or be around kids. I feel badly for OP‘s sister, because I suspect that the fact that she is a woman inherently predisposes the wife to feeling the sister should have a maternal instinct. If OP had a brother instead, I bet this conversation would have never happened.

Rubberbandballgirl − You need to tell your wife that not all women love babies/children. So many people assume that all women have motherly instincts and that is NOT TRUE. I am miserably uncomfortable around babies and small children. I am never rude but I don’t care about your baby like you do.

crankysoutherner − You might want to ask your wife to get evaluated for post-partum depression. I feel pretty sure that if her mental health was in a good place, she wouldn't want someone who *doesn't like babies* to be responsible for *her baby.* I wouldn't cut off my sister for this reason.

Things like a missed reservation happen all the time when you have kids. As a parent, I feel confident in saying the two of you will have to deal with much more stressful events than a missed reservation while caring for your child. Your sister is not obligated to help you raise the child the two of you decided to have, especially when she doesn't like babies.

BitterRequirement897 − As the aunty who doesn’t care for babies, I have been roped into baby sitting. It sucks. The entitlement I get from my SIL about doing it is wild, because I am very open about the fact that I find babies and toddlers incredibly stressful and I have no idea how to appropriately care for them (what they can/can’t do for themselves etc).

I don’t understand the eye rolls I get from being honest about this either. I have chosen to be child free and I love my life. I never made the decision to bring small humans into my life, so why do I have to grin and bear the consequences of someone else doing it? Your wife is being unreasonable, especially flying off the handle about you ‘leaving her in the middle of the night’. I’m sure she was fine lol

yumvdukwb − There’s no way I’d leave a five month old baby with someone who has zero childcare experience and no first aid for babies certificate either, just so I could go to a fancy restaurant. Especially if that person already expressed to me they weren’t comfortable with babies. Your wife is selfish.

Serenity413 − So many red flags here. First - your wife is absolutely in the wrong with your sister. When you decide to have kids - cancelled dinner reservations and plans happen all the time. It’s unfair to expect someone else to drop everything so you can have a night out. That’s vastly different from a medical emergency.

Second - her ultimatum to you to cut out a family member is a huge red flag. Especially when your sister hasn’t been toxic to your wife and her only offense is not bowing down to your wife’s demands that she babysits whenever she wants.

This is a power play from your wife to 1) weaponize your relationship with your sister and threatening to cut you off from her to get your sister to bow down to your wife wishes and 2) a toxic power play against you to get you to bow down to her unreasonable wishes.

You need to tell her firmly you will not cut your sister off. This will set the tone for your entire relationship. You need to stay true to your beliefs and have boundaries. Cutting off family members because they don’t want to babysit for you is pretty vile.

If you agree to this ultimatum you are only enabling your wife to believe she can keep giving you ultimatums in the future. This isn’t just about your wife and your sister. More importantly - this is about your wife and YOU and why she remotely thinks it’s okay in a relationship to give your spouse an ultimatum to cut off a non-toxic family member.

Stablenottoxicatall − The fact that your wife even wants someone watching her child who is not comfortable around babies is f**king nuts, shes not being a good mom. Cutting off your sister for upholding a very reasonable boundary is even crazier.  

These Reddit hot takes are bold, but do they capture the full picture? Is the wife’s ultimatum a power play, or is she just a frazzled new mom pushed to the edge?

This tale of babysitting battles and family ultimatums leaves us pondering where loyalty lies when boundaries collide. The husband stands at a crossroads, torn between his wife’s demands and his sister’s right to say no. With postpartum emotions and societal expectations in the mix, it’s a messy but relatable drama. What would you do if you were caught between your spouse and a sibling’s principles? Share your thoughts, experiences, or advice below—let’s keep this conversation buzzing!

Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *