WIBTAH if I don’t allow my 5y/o nephew in our house any more?

Charlotte Morse Hours
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Imagine hosting a playdate, your home buzzing with the joyful chaos of kids, only to be left with a tornado’s aftermath—toys strewn across three rooms, a frazzled parent, and a new baby’s nursery in disarray. For one family, this isn’t a one-off; it’s the recurring headache caused by their 5-year-old nephew, whose parents shrug off the mess with a casual “he’s in a phase.” Exasperated, they’re ready to pull the plug on these visits. Is banning the little whirlwind the answer, or is there a kinder way to keep the peace?

This Reddit saga dives into the clash between family ties and personal boundaries. The parents cherish their well-mannered 6-year-old and their tidy home, but their nephew’s unchecked chaos, paired with his parents’ indifference, pushes them to the brink. The community weighs in with fiery takes and clever fixes—let’s explore this messy dilemma.

‘WIBTAH if I don’t allow my 5y/o nephew in our house any more?’

We have a 6 year old who is truly one of the best children I’ve ever met. When we go over to someone else’s house we always ensure he cleans up the mess made as kids play. Three times in a row now our nephew has come over to our house and played with our son and absolutely torn up the game room, our sons room and our new baby’s room.

When my nephews parents get ready to leave they ask him to go clean up over and over and over and over again but never back it up. He gets an attitude and throws a fit. His parents just state that “he is going through a toot stage and has too much sugar... there isn’t anything we can do.”

Then they say their goodbyes and walk out leaving behind a total disaster zone. We are at the point now that we are just wanting to avoid inviting that branch of the family over due to the massive cleanup afterwards. TL;DR Nephew is a jack wagon and destroys 3 rooms when he comes over. Parents just shrug it off and walk out.

When a 5-year-old turns your home into a toy-strewn battlefield, it’s not just about the mess—it’s about respect. The parents’ frustration stems from their nephew’s parents’ refusal to enforce cleanup, leaving them to play maid. As parenting expert Dr. Laura Markham notes, “Children learn responsibility when parents set clear expectations and follow through”. Here, the nephew’s parents’ excuses—“too much sugar” or a “toot stage”—sidestep accountability, burdening the hosts.

This issue reflects a broader parenting challenge: teaching kids accountability. A 2021 study in Child Development found that children as young as 4 can learn to take responsibility for their actions with consistent guidance. The nephew’s behavior isn’t the core issue; his parents’ inaction is. Dr. Markham suggests setting firm boundaries, like requiring cleanup before leaving. The hosts could calmly explain to the parents that visits depend on shared responsibility.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit brought the heat, serving up a mix of righteous indignation and practical tips, like locking rooms or supervising play. Here’s the unfiltered scoop:

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al3xandra666 - NTA. The nephew’s parents are the assholes. If their kid refuses to clean up, they should. He’s THEIR responsibility, not yours. I wouldn’t want him in my house either.

MrSnowflake2 - NTA. I wouldnt dare leave a playdate without tidying up (whether it be my kid doing it, or me sheepishly picking up after them)! If it helps, when I was a kid my Mom placed a four year ban on my cousins coming over because they were going through one of those 'phases'. I'm sure they were salty at the time, but it never affected the relationship after the ban was lifted.

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Ann-von-Beaverhausen - NTA. I would just tell the parents that the cleanup after his visits are too much, so you’ll start hosting them again once he’s grown out of this ‘phase’. They’re assholes - if their son trashed the place they need to clean up.

Forever-Sweet - NTA. The boy is five, he isn't going to clean his mess unless he is made to. When his parents ask why they are not invited over anymore, simply explain the truth. Tell them you miss their company but, unless they are prepared to force their son to clean his mess they won't be invited back. If he is old enough to get it out he is old enough to put it back.

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[Reddit User] - NTA, but I would try to have a non condescending conversation the parents about their nephews behavior and how it falls on their bad parenting. They have everything in their power to do something about it, and saying “there’s nothing we can do” is inexcusable. If they refuse to correct his behavior, explain to them why they aren’t invited back or why their kid isn’t allowed in the play room.

ClockUpOnTheWall - NTA, tell the parents to clean up after their kid. And what's this about having 'too much sugar'? Whose fault is that? There is something they can do.

Wikidess - NTA. His parents just state that “he is going through a toot stage and has too much sugar... there isn’t anything we can do.” Then they say their goodbyes and walk out leaving behind a total disaster zone. I would have stopped them right there and been like, oh but there is something you can do. You can clean it up yourself if you don't plan to make him do it. F**king assholes.

cpsti - We have friends with a similar child. We’ve started closing and locking our kids rooms when they come over and removing many toys from the play area. Basically we limit their ability to make a mess.

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They still come over, but the mess is contained. When the child has asked why, we state that our kids bedrooms are closed today because of the messes made in there previously. They will figure it out eventually.

Lippy1010 - NTA - my nephew isn’t allowed in my home for the same reason PLUS he is aggressive and hits my son all of the time without any consequences. I know it’s not his fault - like many others have said - it’s the parents fault. The last time he was - he went into my bedroom because they let him go upstairs, even though my door was shut.

(There was no reason for him to be upstairs.) He got into matches I had in a drawer; could’ve been a disaster! I also had medication on my sink he could’ve gotten into. I didn’t have this stuff hidden because my kids were older and know better. My MIL had the nerve to ask how we knew it was him.

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Why would my kids throw matches all over the floor? So that was it - BANNED. Life is good. I should also add I don’t go to their home either. It’s too stressful of an environment for me and if I don’t want him in my house I feel I should stay out of theirs.

KDkona - NTA. There’s a alternative option if your interested? When the child comes over, tell them that they can only play in the room the adults are in (or you are in) as you cannot trust their behaviour unsupervised not to make a huge mess.

I’ve done this with friends kids that destroyed my daughters bedroom before. They can only play in the living room where we are sitting so I can supervise. Playing in the bedrooms or play room is a privilege, & if they can play nicely for (insert # of times) then they can earn back the privilege to play unsupervised again.

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These comments are spicy, but do they solve the real problem? Can a 5-year-old’s chaos be tamed, or is it all on the parents?

This tale isn’t just about scattered toys—it’s about the strain of unspoken expectations in family ties. Banning the nephew might feel like sweet relief, but it risks fracturing relationships. Could a frank chat or clever boundaries save the day? What would you do if a family member’s kid turned your home upside down? Share your stories—how do you balance hospitality with sanity?

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