WIBTAH If I complain about my coworker who messaged my husband?

Picture a bustling warehouse on inventory day, filled with laughter, clinking coffee mugs, and the hum of teamwork. A woman, proud to introduce her charming husband to her new colleagues, feels the warmth of a job well done. But the next day, her sunny mood sours when she learns a coworker crossed a line—sneaking into the company system to text her husband.

What started as a harmless crush spirals into a privacy violation, leaving her torn between fury and fairness. As she heads to work, the weight of confrontation looms. Should she report this breach, knowing it could cost her coworker’s job? Readers, brace yourselves for a tale of workplace boundaries pushed too far. This story, plucked from Reddit’s AITA forum, captures the tension of navigating personal and professional lines. It’s a relatable dilemma that sparks curiosity: how far is too far when a coworker oversteps?

‘WIBTAH If I complain about my coworker who messaged my husband?’

Yesterday we had year end inventory day at my new job I started 3 months ago. I (35f) was asked to bring a friend as my partner to help, we all brought our husband's and wives, a few 'children' with their boyfriends etc. I brought my husband (36m) My 1 coworker (34f) did not bring anyone, she just helped each group of partners through out the day.

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Everything was great we had a wonderful day and inventory was nearly perfect so we got praised. Anyways.... the next morning I get to work at 8am and 4 minutes into my day my coworker, who did not bring anyone, asked if my husband has a brother that's single and specifically 'looks exactly like him'.

I said no, he only has a sister. She said ' oh that's a shame so he doesn't have a brother?' Me again: 'no... why? Do you have a crush on my husband?' She literally laughed like a little school girl. Let me start by saying I am FAR from jealous. I know my husband is attractive, I know I am too.

I know my husband is successful, I know I am too. I know my husband is hilarious, kind, makes everyone feel heard and important, that's the exact reason I married him. I thought it was cute she liked him, this did not upset me. She then went on to talk about him almost any chance she could for the entirety of the day.

And again, this did not upset me. At all, he's most likely not coming back here, at least until the next year end inventory day, she's having a crush it'll pass by next week. What did upset me.... when I got home at 4:30pm he showed me that at 1:24pm she texted him... and I quote 'Hey **** (spells his name wrong...) how are you today?

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Your lady is really bothering me.' So this woman, went into our system, found my husband's phone number, and deemed it ok to text him in this manner. Of course he did not respond. Of course he thought it was absolutely insane. And now I'm getting ready for work today, and I will see her in the next hour and a half after her doing this, and I'm not sure how I should or will react.

Like I said I am very far from jealous I understand crushes and feelings and emotions etc but someone going to this level to contact my husband turns me into a grizzly bear. WIBTHA if I told HR she did this... we work for a very large billion dollar company who takes these things very seriously, shed essentially lose her job..

UPDATE: Firstly just clarifying, my husband and all the helpers were paid well for their work, the 'children' were 24+, we needed 10 extra people for 1 day, it wasn't slave work we had a great day and it was nice introducing my husband to everyone and meeting others wives.

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We're going through a very large merger at work and today was VERY busy, our head managerial team was not in. I did tell my assistant manager what had happened, showed him the photo of the text message and explained that I was very upset with my coworker. He was flabbergasted and tomorrow we will sit down and tell our General Manager what happened.

He asked me what my resolution would look like but we both agreed that once the GM knows its not exactly up to me anyways because of the breech in privacy. I do feel terrible, but she really shot herself in the foot, I've done nothing but be very nice to her, even the 'your lady is bothering me' wasn't warranted because I wasn't even bothering her 😅

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Update: Hey everyone, since almost every comment was on the exact same page I really do appreciate everyone's input. With that said there was an overwhelming appreciation for the need for my privacy so I'd like to provide that to my co-worker as well.

She was indeed fired from her position this week but that's all the information I will provide in respect to her privacy. If she ever sees this I honestly hope the best for her and all I have to say is just make smarter choices in the future.. Thank you everyone ❤️

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Workplace crushes can feel like a rom-com, but digging into private records to contact someone’s spouse? That’s a plot twist nobody asked for. This story highlights a critical issue: workplace privacy and professional boundaries. The coworker’s actions—accessing a phone number without consent—aren’t just inappropriate; they’re a breach of trust.

Dr. Lillian Glass, a communication expert, notes in a Psychology Today article, “Boundary violations in the workplace erode trust and create toxic environments”. Here, the coworker’s schoolgirl giggles masked a serious overstep. She likely felt emboldened by the casual inventory day vibe, but her choice to misuse company data reflects poor judgment. The OP, meanwhile, balances confidence in her marriage with rightful anger over the violation.

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This incident ties to a broader issue: data privacy in workplaces. A 2023 Pew Research study found 67% of employees worry about how companies handle personal data. The coworker’s actions mirror this concern, exploiting access for personal gain. For the OP, reporting the breach isn’t just personal—it’s about accountability.

Advice: The OP should document the incident, including the text, and report it to HR calmly, focusing on the privacy violation. Solutions include mandatory privacy training or stricter data access protocols.

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Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit’s hive mind didn’t hold back, and their hot takes are as spicy as you’d expect! From cries of “NTA, report her!” to debates about billion-dollar companies using volunteer labor, the community rallied behind the OP’s privacy concerns. Here’s what they said:

anonredditorofreddit − NTA - go ahead with HR. This will probably get worst in the future, for you or another colleague.. EDIT: we like drama here, please update us.

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TheFluffiestRedditor − This is a privacy violation indeed. Please take this to HR.

[Reddit User] − NTA and definitely discuss with HR. Chances are your company has privacy policy that should prevent this from happening. Also, is nobody going to point out that a billion dollar company is asking employees to bring (assumedly) volunteers to work their inventory? Is this a thing? They’re not paid, wouldn’t have worker’s comp and huge insurance liability if one of them got hurt. Or is it just me

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veemar1977 − I would complain to HR, not only did she send a message to your husband without his consent, he did not give her his number. She also accessed your private information. I’m sure this information is not on a public system. I would be very concerned. What other information did she have access to? NTA

WhatTheMoxley − NTA. If this woman has a crush on your husband, and he ignores her or rebuffs her, or She doesn't get the desired reaction out of you, then she can control the narrative to HR. YWBTA to yourself if you do not go to HR. The fact that she messaged your husband without his or your consent is a problem and this woman has to go.

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Amar_Akbar_Anthony20 − NTA, So this woman, went into our system, found my husband's phone number, and deemed it ok to text him in this manner. Of course he did not respond. Of course he thought it was absolutely insane. She shot herself in the foot here. She is going to lose her job and rightfully so.

winterworld561 − Absolutely report her. She is making a play for your husband and her behaviour disgustingly inappropriate. She needs to be stopped and fired for gross misconduct.

scgamer007 − NTA She's crazy and trying to be a homewrecker. Report the breach of security to your HR and tell your spouse to not respond.

SamuelVimesTrained − NTA Key here is 'So this woman, went into our system, found my husband's phone number, and deemed it ok to text him '. This should be the thing to complain to HR to - i**asion of privacy and abuse of personal information. Of course, you could add harassment, but this was a one time thing (i hope) so that might not stick.

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But the digging through privileged info and using that for personal gain (or an attempt to gain) is the best angle here. And - lets be honest - if she did not want to lose her job, you know, maybe she should not have done this. She FA, now time to FO

Rude-Royal-5043 − The moment she opened your work file to retrieve your personal information she knew there was a chance she could lose her job. She CHOSE to put her job on the line. Report her to HR her actions are beyond unacceptable and frankly just scary that someone would think it’s okay to do that. She clearly thinks highly of herself if she assumed that your husband would not tell you she contacted him.

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These Reddit opinions are fiery, but do they capture the full picture? Maybe the coworker thought it was a harmless flirt—yikes, bad call!

This tale of a coworker’s rogue text reminds us: workplace boundaries matter. The OP’s restraint is admirable, but her coworker’s actions demand accountability. Reporting the breach protects not just her privacy but everyone’s. What would you do in her shoes? Would you confront the coworker first or head straight to HR? Drop your thoughts below and let’s unpack this drama together!

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