WIBTAH if I cancelled Christmas for 12 year old thieving son?

The air felt thick with betrayal as the parent rifled through an empty wallet, $70 vanished in a single morning. Their 12-year-old son, caught on camera splashing cash at the local convenience store, had struck again—stealing after a summer of promises to change.

Fury mixed with confusion as the parent weighed a drastic step: canceling Christmas to teach a lesson. Yet, beneath the surface, a deeper story simmered, one of peer pressure and hidden pain, waiting to unravel and challenge their resolve.

‘WIBTAH if I cancelled Christmas for 12 year old thieving son?’

I found out that my son is a victim of a**ault & extortion (a group of 3-4 bullies) Always communicate with your kids and stop at nothing in your quest to investigate the truth. I want to thank all the commenters on here who suggested that there could be something bigger going on.

With the advancement of technology & camera footage at the school I was able to resolve this. The parents are now angry at me (for pressing charges) and my life feels like it’s turned upside down right now but I will do everything I can to protect my child.. Also, he’s still grounded for stealing because he should’ve came to me instead and stealing is never the answer.

Last summer my son stole $50 cash out of my wallet and caught. Disciplined & grounded for a month swore he would never do that again. Today, I find $70 cash missing. I went to our neighborhood convenience store and he bought him and his buddies a round of energy drinks and junk food totalling 50+ $$$.

It was confirmed via CCTV and the clerk confirmed he was there this morning and it was him on camera. I’m pissed! Since I can’t beat him like my parents would have, & the punishment didn’t work after last time, I was thinking cancelling Christmas would help get thru to him. Would that be too harsh?. Any advice welcomed!

Parenting a preteen caught stealing can feel like navigating a minefield blindfolded. The parent’s instinct to cancel Christmas screams of desperation, but it risks missing the root of the problem. Dr. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist, notes, “Kids don’t steal for no reason—often it’s a cry for attention or a response to stress” (Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids).

The son’s actions—buying treats for friends—hint at a need to belong, especially after the parent uncovered bullying and extortion. Peer pressure at this age can be relentless, with 20% of U.S. students reporting bullying, per the National Center for Education Statistics. The son’s silence about his ordeal suggests fear or shame, not defiance.

Markham advises addressing the cause, not just the symptom. Therapy could help the son process his trauma, while open conversations rebuild trust. Canceling Christmas might deepen his isolation, pushing him toward worse choices. Instead, structured consequences—like volunteering together—can teach accountability while fostering connection.

For parents, this is a wake-up call: stealing often masks bigger issues. Listening without judgment and seeking professional support can turn a crisis into growth. The parent’s pursuit of justice against the bullies is vital, but healing their son requires patience and presence.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit didn’t hold back, serving up a mix of tough love and empathy. Here’s the community’s take, spicy and unfiltered.

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Strain_Pure − NTA Change the Wi-Fi password in your house and refuse to give him it, I guarantee nothing will p**s off a Kid quicker nowadays than not being able to access the Internet.

PeanutGallery10 − NTA. Don't cancel Christmas. Make a donation to charity in his name of whatever the amount you would have spent on him. And get him therapy before he gets arrested or involved in other illegal activity.

froot_loop_dingus_ − NTA, if your son doesn't learn this lesson now he's going to have much harsher punishments from people who don't care about his wellbeing at all in the future

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Drunkendonkeytail − Time for some real parenting. Involve a counselor if possible. What is going on in your son’s life? I’d guess he’s struggling in some way. A lot of kids got derailed by Covid shutdowns and are having a hard time. Instead of getting punitive, it might mean it’s time to “punish” him by being a lot more hands on.

Like the consequences are he spends every Saturday for two months helping you (refinish a floor, replant the garden, build a model) with the emphasis being that he gets a lot of analog attention and parental time and opportunity to bond, get closer, and discuss life and morals and trustworthiness, and strengthen your relationship.

Rainbowbabyandme − I get the urge to target the Thievery as the problem, but as a kid who used to stole, who also had a LOT of friends who stole… there’s something deeper going on. Boredom, trying to impress peers, depression, trauma, SOMETHING.

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If you just target the symptom of stealing, it will keep happening because you’re not targeting the condition that’s causing it. It’s like trying to heal the flu by sucking on a cough drop. It’ll stop the cough short-term, but it’ll keep coming back until the flu is healed.

Klutzy-Nothing-5828 − Real Talk here - get him into therapy ASAP. Stealing from mom is where it starts. Then, it progresses to stealing from other people and shoplifting. Get him help before he gets into trouble he can't get himself out of. If I were you, I would instead use this as an opportunity to teach him that not everyone is as fortunate as he is.

Instead of canceling Christmas, find a shelter that serves Christmas dinner and volunteer both of you to go and serve. Tell him that instead of gifts this year, you are giving back to your community. Make him research local charities and give you 3 options

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and then together decide on which one to donate to, or find someplace that has an Angel Tree and make him choose the gifts for that person. Contact your local nursing homes and see if they have residents that need adopted.. USE THIS TO TEACH HIM !

GIGLI_WASNT_THAT_BAD − NTA but don’t make it seem as if your son’s behavior has any sort of impact on the dates on the calendar. This will probably get buried but I feel I have a well informed response that may be of more assistance than “Send him to therapy.” Or “Beat his ass.” I am my brother’s sole guardian.

We do not have the same father, our mother is dead, his dad is not an especially enterprising individual. He came to live with me when he was 12 almost 13. I did not particularly want to be his guardian but he had already had police intervention several times and was on a fast track to being sent to Juvenile Detention.

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Within a month he set my back lot on fire. A bunch of dead weeds and random trash the previous owner had left. Miraculously, some family was in the neighborhood and noticed the fire. They rushed over and helped him to put it out. There was about a 20ft radius of burnt weeds and inherited recluse..

I brought him out to the lot to talk with him.. “Why did you feel it was a thing to do to burn down my weeds and garbage?” “Well… I don’t know… I was playing with some matches and… I didn’t mean to.” He replied, head down, kicking at the charred remains of a retro headboard..

“Of all the places to play with matches, you chose the dumbest g**damn place to do it?”. “Yeah” “Well, this section actually looks a lot better than it had before.” I pointed to the circle of char in my back lot. “Let’s clear it out so everything will match.”

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We spent the next couple of days clearing out the trash and mowing down weeds. He did the brunt of the work but I was present and helped him with some of the heavier debris. By the end of our labors he was actually having a blast. (Which I found funny. Would people be so hard on arsonists if they cleaned up after themselves? 🤔)

My brother, objectively, was a very bad child. He hadn’t attended school for the better part of that prior year. He was non-verbal except to say extremely foul and belittling things to his peers/adults. He lashed out physically and was fighting everyone.

Subjectively, though, I feared he was a bad kid, but I just didn’t see it. Any person in his situation wouldn’t like be super chill about everything. His parents had never been there for him and one of them was literally dead to him.I read some parenting books and aside from all the random metaphors,

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and b**lshit they used to pad those things, the common denominator was, “SPEND TIME WITH YOUR KID.” (F**k! I gotta hang out with angry little arsonist goblin? 🤦). S**t worked tho. Hikes, video games, family meals, board games, errands, just anything to share an experience together.

We got him back in school without having to redo the year he had missed. (It was tough. The dumb little b**tard didn’t know y=mx+b but after a couple of weeks of post dinner homework seshs he was caught up enough to be self sufficient in his schoolwork.) He was becoming more socially adjusted.

He wasn’t breaking s**t or lashing out physically. I mean, he was still a shithead. I’d still get calls from the school or walk into some random s**t he had stirred up but each event was exponentially more normal and reasonable than the last. It was work.

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Hard f**king work, but, 4 years later he’s just a normal kid now. 3.67 cumulative highschool GPA, he’s only a foul little goblin while playing PlayStation, he does chores and s**t. Not to sound like a Scientologist or something, but, I don’t especially believe in medicating kids. It’s hard to pinpoint what chemicals are needed in a hormonal developing mind.

From what you’ve said about your son’s “transformation” is that… he’s been feeling a good buzz. Of course that will make you blossom a bit socially but it also impairs judgement and impulsivity. Maybe he liked his new buddies and wanted attention from his dad? Grabbed 3 20s and a 10 to kill two birds?

I think a good compromise in this situation would be that, yes, your son no longer owns his PS5 and you are its new owner, but… you could share. If he wants to play PS5 you have to do it together. A Way Out is a super dope couch co-op on PS5 with like a 10ish hour campaign. Play the game with each other. Enjoy each others company. Talk out your son’s feeling during the lulls and loading screens.

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Johnny-Fakehnameh − YWBTAH... to your son. But you'd be parenting him, which is your responsibility.

Lexielemental − This may sounds a little odd, but hear me out on this one. Sit down and have a talk with him about his actions and how it has made you feel. What you were going to use the money for and the consequence of loosing this. ask him why he did it.

Then, ask him what he thinks is an appropriate consequence for his actions and a way for him to make it right again. He may surprise you. I’ve done this a few times with my younger son (13 years) and he has surprised me with what he comes up with in terms of what is appropriate and how he wants to make amends.

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It gives him a way to be more active in reconciliatory actions and to take a bit responsibility instead of it happening to him. Things we have focussed on is loss of his computer for a certain amount of time. I can imagine in this case my son wanting to pay back,

and therefore him choosing which of his items to sell on Facebook market place of similar.. I would help him list the items, but give him control of what he sells etc. Good luck, it’s a a sucky time, I hope it helps become a growing moment for him as he takes responsibility for his actions

Flat_Okra6078 − NTA at ALL. Thank you for being a parent. Tougher consequences would have 100% been dealt if that were my kid.

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The Reddit hive mind split between punishment and compassion, but do their hot takes hold up? Real life’s messier than upvotes suggest.

This parent’s journey from rage to revelation reminds us: kids’ missteps often hide deeper struggles. Canceling Christmas might feel satisfying, but understanding and support could rewrite the story. The parent’s now balancing justice, healing, and trust—tough, but not impossible. What would you do if your kid’s actions left you torn between punishment and protection? Share your thoughts below!

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