WIBTA if I told my wife I know what I’m doing when it comes to our baby?

The soft coos of an 11-month-old filled the nursery, but tension simmered as a dad, seasoned from raising a 10-year-old daughter alone, wrestled with his wife’s constant parenting tips. “Be sure the shoes are on the right feet,” she said, unaware her words stung a man who’d kept a toddler alive for years.

He’s held back from “dadsplaining” to let her savor her first-time mom journey, but now he’s itching to say, “I know what I’m doing.” This isn’t just about baby shoes; it’s a delicate dance of respect, frustration, and love in a new family. His restraint battles her nerves, pulling us into the heart of a couple navigating parenthood’s uneven terrain.

‘WIBTA if I told my wife I know what I’m doing when it comes to our baby?’

I have a 11 month old baby. Super awesome little dude. I also have a 10 year old daughter from a previous marriage. I raised her as a single dad from 18 months to the present. I've been very careful to not tell my wife how to do things or how I did them in the past because she's excited to have the experience of a baby and she's expressed things like 'you've done this before.

This is my only chance to have a baby.' (I got the snipsnip shortly after he was born). Basically I don't want to Dadsplain parenting. This has led to things that I personally think are potentially problematic (ie she won't do cry it out even though the doc said it's time) BUT I'm happy to let her have her way so long as lil dude is healthy and safe.

(Yes we've talked about it and she knows where I stand on it. That's not what I'm worried about being an a**hole about) So the other day, I'm putting his shoes on and she tells me, 'be sure they're on the right feet.' Or while giving him a bath 'be sure to clean his diaper area well.'. DUUUUUUUUUDE. I KNOOOOOOOOOOW. And it's been like that since the beginning.

'you've got to support his head.' ' You swaddle him too tight' ( I didnt. That s**t's supposed to make then immobile). Like I said. I want her to enjoy the ride. But I kept a kid alive for a decade almost entirely by myself. I don't need to be told how to put a pair of shoes on a baby or any other obvious s**t.. Would I be the a**hole if I told her 'you know I know what I'm doing, right?'

Balancing parenting roles is tricky when one partner’s experience meets another’s anxiety. The dad’s restraint in avoiding “dadsplaining” shows respect, but his wife’s micromanaging comments—like checking shoe placement—stem from first-time mom nerves, not distrust. His urge to assert his competence is valid, but delivery matters to avoid wounding her confidence.

A 2024 study by the Journal of Marriage and Family found 50% of new parents face tension over differing caregiving styles, often eased by open communication. Dr. Becky Kennedy, a parenting expert, notes, “Gentle reassurance and humor can defuse micromanaging without dismissing feelings.”

The dad could try a light, “I’ve got this, babe,” while affirming her care, and she might benefit from reflecting on her anxiety’s impact.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit rolled in like a diaper-changing pit crew, tossing out takes as practical as a pacifier. Here’s what they said about this dad’s parenting pickle.

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QueenMoogle - NAH. She’s nervous. This is her first child and she needs to feel like she’s in control and that everything is safe and good. I think her saying those things to you is more a reassurance to herself than anything else.

But that said, you obviously know what you’re doing for all of the reasons you’ve mentioned. Maybe just work to make her feel comfortable, and let her know that your boy’s safety and comfort is Priority Number One to you as well.

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Sailor_Chibi - NAH. I think you can say this, so long as you’re tactful, kind and recognize that first babies can turn people into paranoid messes. A gentle reminder that you’ve already been through this once and that you’re in this together might go a long way.

FrannyBranny - NAH, that is annoying. I catch myself doing it with my husband (we are both first-time parents) and you would be totally justified to - in a gentle tone - tell her exactly what you have written here. But also, just because you have been there before does not mean that you will always be right and she won't when you disagree.

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PowerWisdomCourage - NAH. It's her first kid so she's just being cautious but you should let her know you've done this before and she doesn't need to 'momsplain' parenting to you.

j0eExis - NTA because constant nagging can be annoying. However she is probably just in baby head right now so maybe try and say it a bit nicer?

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hastur777 - NAH. It’s just coming from nervousness - I wouldn’t take it personally. She would tell even the most hardened baby expert the same things.

sausagechihuahua - NAH. Next time she says something, just tell her simply and gently “sweetie. I know. I’ve got him.” Or something of the like.. You sound like an awesome partner to your wife. Congratulations on your new(ish) little guy!

[Reddit User] - NTA. It seems like you're being very conscious to **not** be a back-seat parent or pull the 'I've done this before, let me lead' card. Depending on your wife's sense of humor, just saying 'DUUUUUUUUUDE. I KNOOOOOOOOOOW.' might make the point. If not, it's okay to ask your partner to please stop back-seat driving.

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sandra_nz - INFO: Does she ever give you praise for things done well, or do you only ever get the critical comments?

The_Real_Blue_Giant - Depends how you say it. If you say it aggressively out of anger, then Y T A.. Otherwise, NTA.. Edit: spaced letters (thanks stranger)

These Reddit opinions are as lively as a toddler tantrum, but do they catch the full dynamic? Parenting tensions are nuanced, and quick takes might miss the emotional layers.

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This parenting tug-of-war shows how love and frustration can tangle in new parenthood. The dad’s urge to speak up is fair, but a gentle approach could keep the peace while easing his wife’s nerves. Open talks and mutual reassurance might smooth their path. How would you handle a partner’s constant parenting tips? Share your stories and advice below!

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