WIBTA if I told my neighbor that her sleeping patterns are not my problem?

In a creaky Brooklyn apartment, two women in their 30s are just trying to live their lives—working from home, sipping coffee, and, yes, walking across their floor. But like a scene from a sitcom gone wrong, their downstairs neighbor keeps knocking, griping about the sound of their footsteps disrupting her sleep. At 9am, no less! For this Redditor, the complaints feel like a demand to tiptoe through their own home.

This neighborly spat dives into the quirks of apartment life, where thin walls and clashing schedules can turn normal footsteps into a full-blown feud. The OP’s patience is wearing thin, and they’re tempted to draw a hard line. Is their neighbor’s night-shift sleep their responsibility, or is this a case of entitlement? Let’s creak open the door to this drama and find out.

‘WIBTA if I told my neighbor that her sleeping patterns are not my problem?’

For context, my partner and I live in a s**tty Brooklyn apartment on the 2nd floor. We are two lesbians in our 30s, not exactly rowdy or noisy. Lately, our downstairs neighbor has been coming up at all hours of the day to complain about hearing us walking around.

We’ve been working from home so I guess she can hear us more than usual?. Yesterday she came upstairs at 9am and complained that we were walking around above her bedroom and she couldn’t sleep. I guess she works nights or something? But I feel like 9am is not that early during the work week.

Her entire complaint seems based on the fact that we exist and walk around our apartment as opposed to hovering? I guess? I’m not confrontational, but I also feel like she knew what she was getting into living on the first floor in an old building.

I don’t know what else I can do? I didn’t ask her to work nights and it’s not my fault that walking in my apartment that I pay for makes sound.. So non-biased Reddit: WIBTA if I tell her it’s not my problem, instead of just empty apologizing?

This apartment noise clash is a textbook case of shared spaces sparking tension. The OP’s frustration stems from being asked to curb normal behavior—walking in their home—while the neighbor’s complaints reflect her struggle with an unconventional sleep schedule. Dr. Susan Heitler, a clinical psychologist specializing in conflict resolution, writes in Psychology Today (Psychology Today), “Neighbor disputes often arise from mismatched expectations.” The neighbor’s 9am grievance suggests she expects daytime silence, which is unrealistic in a multi-unit building.

The OP’s perspective is clear: they pay rent to live freely, not to hover like ghosts. The neighbor, likely exhausted from night shifts, feels entitled to quiet, ignoring the realities of old, sound-leaky buildings. A 2024 Urban Institute study notes 53% of apartment dwellers report noise disputes, often tied to structural issues (Urban Institute). This highlights a broader problem: aging urban housing amplifies neighbor friction.

Dr. Heitler advises proactive communication to defuse such conflicts. The OP could calmly explain their position while suggesting solutions like rugs or white noise machines for the neighbor. Confronting with “it’s not my problem” risks escalation, so a diplomatic approach—perhaps offering to discuss reasonable adjustments—works better. For apartment dwellers, mutual respect and small compromises keep the peace without sacrificing personal freedom.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit waded into this creaky floor fight with sass and sympathy, dishing out advice like neighbors gossiping over a fence. Here’s the raw buzz from the thread:

SammyLoops1 − NTA - Tell her to put on a fan or a white noise machine. You can't float through your apartment and I'm assuming you're not wearing clunky shoes. You have to be able to walk in your own home.

ADVERTISEMENT

antaresdawn − NTA. Suggestion, though. I had to teach my kids “quiet walking” because they sounded like elephants tromping around upstairs. It basically involves replacing a heel strike with a mid-foot or fore-foot strike. Bonus is that this style of walking is best for carrying liquids or unstable loads, it’s easier on your joints, and it strengthens your feet.

spacecatterpillar − NTA. She's kind of ridiculous living in an apartment and assuming her neighbors will be quiet during the day. Thats what headphones or ear plugs are for, but you can't impose silence on someone else just because you work an off shift. And I go to bed about 5 hours before my roommates so I can wake up at 3 for work, so I know her pain. It's just... her pain, not your problem

MisterSouvlaki − As long as it's outside quiet hours, and you're not using heavy construction equipment inside the apartment, you're good.. NTA

ADVERTISEMENT

GlitzBlitz − NTA. My brother had the same neighbor you have. After many, many unpleasant visits from the neighbor, my, otherwise calm and kind brother, finally snapped and asked her..... 'What do you expect me to do???? CRAWL all day and night????'. I'm not sure if this did the trick but your post reminded me of this.

Funkativity − INFO - Do you wear shoes in the house?. that's basically what it'll come down to. * wearing shoes to clomp around - YTA. * not wearing shoes - blame the shoddy construction of the floor/ceiling, NTA

[Reddit User] − “Rowdy and Noisy Lesbians” was a movie I watched on Cinemax a few years ago.

ADVERTISEMENT

celerysniffer − NTA- What tf does she expect you to do? Glide across the floor like a sugarplum fairy?

ursulawinchester − NTA, your neighbor is entitled. But just because I’m non-confrontational, you could also try putting down area rugs, if you haven’t already. That should absorb some of the sound. Also, has this been going on since March when quarantines started in NY? If so, you’re a saint for putting up with it this long!

throwaway15081979 − Might get hate for this but NAH. I'm in a ground floor apartment and a few months ago someone new moved in upstairs. Since then it's been constant banging, it's like they wear bricks on their feet or smth,

ADVERTISEMENT

I can't focus on uni work and I can even hear their banging over the TV (I don't think it's just footsteps bc the banging can be irregular and sometimes is coupled with a couple of loud BANGS). I understand where you're coming from when saying you should be allowed to enjoy your property which is why I went with NAH,

and tbh without actually hearing it I have nothing to really base this on, but I understand how frustrating it is having to deal with loud upstairs neighbours (even if you don't think you're being loud) so I get her point entirely and don't believe she's the a**hole for asking you to keep it down. There's a good chance she's been holding back for months and has finally cracked (waiting for the day I do haha)

These Redditors backed the OP’s right to walk freely, tossing shade at the neighbor’s demands with quips about sugarplum fairies and brick-soled shoes. Some offered practical tips, others shared their own neighbor woes. But do these hot takes solve the creaky conflict, or just add fuel to the fire?

ADVERTISEMENT

This Brooklyn noise spat lays bare the challenges of apartment living, where every step can feel like a battle cry to the neighbor below. The OP’s temptation to shut down their neighbor’s complaints speaks to the universal struggle of balancing personal freedom with shared spaces. While their footsteps aren’t the problem, finding a middle ground could keep the peace. What would you do if your neighbor demanded silence during normal hours? Drop your thoughts below!

Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *