WIBTA if I told my mom the reason I don’t wanna have kids is because of her?
The holiday glow of Christmas lights couldn’t warm the sting of a mother’s pointed glance, urging her daughter for grandchildren. For this young woman, the pressure to become a parent unearths a raw wound: a childhood marked by her mother’s absence and cutting words, leaving her terrified of passing on that pain to her own kids.
This Reddit confession, pulsing with family tension, hooks us with its emotional stakes. Should she confront her mother with the harsh truth—that her parenting is why she rejects motherhood? Or will honesty only deepen the rift? With trauma and expectations colliding, this story invites us into a deeply personal dilemma.
‘WIBTA if I told my mom the reason I don’t wanna have kids is because of her?’
Family expectations can weigh heavier than a holiday feast, and this woman’s struggle to fend off her mother’s grandkid demands is no light matter. Her fear of replicating her mother’s neglect and cruelty is a valid concern, rooted in a childhood of emotional wounds.
A 2022 study by the American Psychological Association found that 40% of adults with adverse childhood experiences fear passing trauma to their children (source). This woman’s hesitation reflects a broader issue: how past parenting shapes future choices. Her mother’s body-shaming and absence left scars, making her childfree stance a protective choice.
Psychologist Dr. Lindsay Gibson, in a 2023 Psychology Today article, states, “Emotionally immature parents often lack self-awareness, leaving children to carry their unresolved pain” (source). Here, the mother’s oblivious pressure ignores her daughter’s trauma. Confronting her might spark conflict, but it could also set boundaries.
The woman could calmly share her reasons, perhaps in a letter, to control the tone. Therapy, as Redditors suggest, could help her process trauma and navigate family ties.
Take a look at the comments from fellow users:
Reddit’s got no chill when it comes to this family drama—serving up opinions as sharp as a carving knife. Here’s what the community had to say:
![[Reddit User] − NTA. She should have given you a better example of motherhood and a better childhood for you to be intrested in repeating the process. Her s**tty parenting caused you truama and this is how it's manifested. She has no one to blame but herself.](https://en.aubtu.biz/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/211925c-03.png)
![[Reddit User] − NTA, I don't want kids myself, not for the same reasons as yourself, but same concept. my mom does that exact same s**t of, 'when are you having kids?' or 'you'll be so happy when you finally do have kids'. it's super f**king annoying, I've said idk how many times I don't like kids, and I don't want them. I see them as an expense I personally don't want to have. but that all of course falls on deaf ears.](https://en.aubtu.biz/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/211925c-04.png)
![[Reddit User] − NTA but are you in therapy? I fully support you not wanting kids but if the only reason is because you’re scared you might be like your mom, you should work that out with a therapist. You likely have a lot of unhealed trauma built up and while you don’t need to have kids if you don’t want to, letting your mom continue to affect you in this way can’t be good for your mental health.](https://en.aubtu.biz/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/211925c-08.png)
![[Reddit User] − NTA. Say what you think, teach her some humility or cut her out](https://en.aubtu.biz/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/211925c-11.png)
These Reddit takes are bold, but do they hit the mark? Is honesty worth the fallout, or is there a sneakier way to dodge the grandkid talk?
This tale of a pushy mom and a wounded daughter leaves us wrestling with a thorny question: when does honesty outweigh the cost of family peace? The woman’s fear of motherhood, born from her mother’s neglect, clashes with relentless pressure for grandkids. If you were in her shoes, would you lay the truth bare or keep the peace? Share your thoughts below—have you ever had to confront a family member about their impact on you?
