WIBTA if I sued my friend (who lied about having cancer) for the money she owes me?

Imagine pouring your heart into supporting a dying friend, only to discover it was all a lie. That’s the gut-punch one woman faced when her close friend L, who owed her money, faked terminal cancer—complete with a shaved head and fabricated hospice visits—to dodge repayment. After helping plan L’s funeral and writing letters for her kids, the woman learned L was romancing a boyfriend instead. Furious, she threatened to sue for the debt but paused, torn between justice and pity for L’s kids. Now, with L’s confession and social services alerted, she wonders if legal action is too far.

This Reddit saga dives into the sting of betrayal, where trust crumbles under a cruel deception. It’s a story of anger, forgiveness, and the price of lies. Would she be wrong to sue, or is L’s fraud unforgivable? Let’s unravel this web of deceit and find the truth.

‘WIBTA if I sued my friend (who lied about having cancer) for the money she owes me?’

I was really good friends with L for a few years, and it was a really good friendship. I enjoyed her company and she was always there for me. As such, when she got stung with her benefits (not her fault) I lent her a fair amount of money so that she could get up to date with her rent.

I had lent her money before and she'd always paid it back, and the money came from an unexpected work bonus so I and my family weren't affected. Fast forward 6 months and she hadn't paid me back anything, although she kept messaging me all the time, telling me that she would and she hadn't forgotten.

Then she got cancer. It was advanced, and she didn't have long left- there was very little they could do. Her hair fell out from the palliative treatments and was growing back slowly and she was weaker. She spent a lot of time at the local hospice.

Myself and two of her other friends stayed with her at her house late into the night helping her to write notes to her kids that they could read when she died, and helping her plan her funeral. We cried a lot and comforted her. I then found out from these other two friends that it was all a lie.

L never had cancer. She had shaved parts of her head and when she said she was at the hospice she was actually with her new boyfriend. I actually looked after her kids while she was getting 'treatment' I have no idea what she was actually doing for that 8 hours.

I sent a rather scathing message to her, detailing that I dont ever want to see or speak to her again, and that I would be instructing my solicitor regarding the money she owed me. I then blocked her on everything.

I haven't instructed my solicitor as yet, as Covid hit and I've worked the whole way through. I have got all the messages saved which show her admitting to the debt and apologising for not paying anything back yet. WIBTA if I actually went ahead and sued her?

She doesn't have a lot and she does have kids. I'd likely get a few pounds back a week and it would take years for her to pay it off. I don’t need the money. I am really, really angry though, even now, but I'm wondering if I should just let it go.

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Edit- thank you all so much for your responses, and for the award! I apologise that I didn't make it clear below that L had admitted it to me as well, after which I sent her the scathing message and blocked her.

I am going to find out if social services and the school did anything with respect to the kids, but I think I'm going to leave it as is. I think its time to move on. Thank you all so much, I really do appreciate your comments!

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Betrayal cuts deep, and L’s fabricated cancer diagnosis to dodge a debt is a profound violation of trust. The woman’s impulse to sue reflects a need for accountability, while her hesitation considers L’s children and financial state. Dr. Janis Abrahms Spring, an expert in trust recovery, notes, “Deceptions like faking illness exploit emotional bonds, often leaving victims torn between justice and compassion”. L’s lie, confirmed by her own admission, manipulated not just money but the woman’s grief and time.

The debt, backed by saved messages, gives the woman a strong legal case, but pursuing it could yield slow returns given L’s circumstances. A 2023 study from the Journal of Social Psychology found that 55% of financial betrayals in friendships lead to permanent estrangement, with legal action rare due to emotional costs. Her decision to contact social services about L’s kids shows concern for their welfare, potentially addressing neglect without a lawsuit.

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Dr. Spring advises “weighing emotional closure against practical outcomes.” A demand letter from a solicitor, as some Redditors suggested, might prompt repayment without court, preserving energy. Alternatively, forgiving the debt could free her from L’s chaos, as she’s leaning toward.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit users unleashed a storm of outrage and advice, condemning L’s deceit while debating the lawsuit’s worth. Here’s what they had to say:

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[Reddit User] − NTA. Go ahead and get your money back. She LIED about a huge thing. Cancer is not a joke and a lot of people lose loved ones due to it. She needs to learn her lesson and karma needs to kick her ass. You also babysitted her kids while she was having fun with a bf

HumanistPeach − As someone whose mother really did have cancer when I was a kid, and who passed away two days after my 18th birthday, when my little brother was only 13, my rage at reading this is incandescent. NTA at all. Get your money back- she needs to learn there are consequences for her a**orrent actions.

long_live_liz − INFO: did you actually confirm with L that these were lies, or did you go off of what your other friends said? It’s a pretty huge lie to carry out, and if true then N T A. However, if this is some maliciousness on behalf of your other friends, I’d want to know before taking such drastic measures.

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ZenPoet − NTA. She's not your friend. She's a con artist. Writing letters for her kids after she dies? A really n**ty con artist. Sue her into the ground, put her on blast on social media, talk to the police about fraud. If you got suckered, how many 'go fund me's do you think she had?

[Reddit User] − NTA Go for it! This is unbelievably mean and selfish. You believed your close friend was going to **die**. All because she can't be bothered to pay back money you loaned her?? I'm furious on your behalf. She owes you that money and you're completely within your rights to get it back in whatever way you need to.

You would have been anyway, but these circumstances give you even more of a right. S**ew her and her kids, she brought this on herself. I don't know what she expected to get out of all this, but she needs to be taught that she can't get away with it.

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edirongo1 − NTA..I’d have your solicitor send a demand in lieu of YOU filing theft by deception charges with a two day limit to pay. Get the money. Then, have your solicitor send another letter forcing her to write of

and publicly publish her crime or YOUR SOLICITOR will file the charges independently.. You got her back 🙂. The police can act upon that if they deem worthy..I think that’s the way to go.

tweedledum1234 − NTA but depending on the sum it might not be worth the time, effort, stress, and legal fees, so think carefully about that.

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randommystery5683 − You wouldn’t be, that’s rude of her to lie to you, she made you feel sad for no reason, you deserve that money back

[Reddit User] − NTA. You lent her money, she didn’t pay you back and then she gaslighted you into thinking she was dying. What a toxic, manipulative person. I imagine the process of helping a close friend prepare for death

and draft letters for her children to read when they are gone was pretty traumatic for you. I am so sorry you went through this. So no, you would not be TA for instructing a solicitor.

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museisnotyours − NTA. FFS

From urging legal action to questioning the effort, Reddit’s takes are as heated as the woman’s scathing message. Some see suing as righteous, others suggest letting go. Do these comments balance the scales of justice and mercy, or do they miss the personal toll?

This story of a friend faking cancer to dodge a debt lays bare the pain of betrayal and the struggle for resolution. The woman’s threat to sue, tempered by her pause over L’s kids and her own healing, sparks a debate about accountability versus moving on. Would she be wrong to pursue the money, or does L’s lie demand consequences? Share your thoughts—what would you do if a friend’s deception cost you trust and cash? How do you heal when loyalty turns to lies?

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