WIBTA if I send my daughter to “fat camp”?

The kitchen table was strewn with empty chip bags and soda cans, a stark contrast to the vibrant soccer field where Abby, a 14-year-old with a shy smile, found her spark. Her mother, caught in a tug-of-war with her ex-husband, watched Abby’s confidence dim as her weight climbed, a silent toll of their messy divorce. The tension boiled over when Mom suggested a weekend soccer camp, a move her ex branded as “fat camp,” igniting a fiery debate over their daughter’s health.

This wasn’t just about calories; it was about love, control, and a teen caught in the crossfire. Readers can’t help but wonder: is Mom protecting Abby or overstepping? The story unfolds with raw emotion, pulling us into a family’s struggle where food, feelings, and custody collide.

 

‘WIBTA if I send my daughter to “fat camp”?’

I just got in a huge argument with my ex-husband about this. My 14-year-old daughter Abby just hit 210 pounds, this started about 1.5 years ago when me and my ex's divorce was finalized. Growing up Abby was always an average weight until we went 50/50 on custody. When we were together I would do the cooking and shopping.

We ate a pretty good diet with some junk food thrown in. The divorce was kinda messy but we sent the kids to therapy and it was doable. Abby started gaining weight when we went 50/50. At the beginning I just thought it was gaining weight before a growth spurt, that wasn't the case.

At my house she was eating okay but at her fathers it is all junk food, he doesn't cook and to make it worse he lives by if it is on your plate you eat it. So in short he is giving her way to big protions of crap. I have talked to him so many times, I have tried to let her serve her own food amount, instead of him loading up her plate.

He will not budge. I got Abby into sports which she enjoys for the most part but it's not enough to stop the weight gain. I went to the doctor and nutritionist and it comes down to her basically eating three times the calories at her father's place. So since Abby likes soccer, I found an overnight camp from Friday night to Sunday night, the days that he usually has Abby.

Abby seemed on board with the idea and this way her dad will not be feeding her or even really seeing her for the next couple of months. I informed him of the camp and that Abby wants to do it. It was a big argument that he circled around to her weight. He accused me of sending her to fat camp. So AITA

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Edit: I am talking to lawyers to try to get custody changed or at least a food clause in the agreement.

Navigating co-parenting conflicts over a child’s health is like walking a tightrope. Abby’s mother faces a tough reality: her ex-husband’s insistence on junk food and oversized portions is undermining their daughter’s well-being. The mother’s choice of soccer camp, which Abby enjoys, is a clever workaround, but it’s a temporary fix for a deeper issue—conflicting parenting styles.

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The weight gain isn’t just a number on a scale; it’s a signal of emotional and physical strain. According to a 2021 study by the CDC, childhood obesity rates have tripled since the 1970s, with 1 in 5 teens affected, often linked to inconsistent home environments (cdc.gov). Abby’s situation mirrors this, with her father’s “clean your plate” rule clashing with Mom’s balanced approach.

Dr. Lisa Damour, a clinical psychologist and author, notes, “When parents model unhealthy habits, kids internalize those patterns, often with lasting consequences” (nytimes.com). Here, the father’s refusal to adapt risks Abby’s health, while Mom’s camp idea aligns with fostering agency through activities Abby loves.

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The broader issue is co-parenting alignment. Without communication, Abby faces mixed messages, potentially leading to stress or disordered eating. Mom should continue therapy for Abby and pursue legal mediation to address dietary concerns, ensuring both parents prioritize her health. Open dialogue, perhaps guided by a counselor, could bridge this gap without escalating conflict.

Check out how the community responded:

Reddit’s hive mind didn’t hold back, dishing out candid takes with a side of humor. Here’s what the community had to say:

chuckinhoutex − NTA- and frankly, what father is doing is abusive. forcing a child to overeat. If he will not relent then I suggest you work with doctors and lawyers and get custody changed so that he doesn't create long lasting health problems in your child.

plfntoo − Abby seemed on board with the idea. NTA, nothing else to consider, really.

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tatasz − NTA Also is it possible to take this to court to change the custody? He is damaging your childs health. And it's not just weight, it's probably lack of vitamins etc too, extra strain on joints...

ImaginaryMaps − It isn't fat camp, it's soccer camp, and your daughter has expressed a desire to go. So NTA. However, this isn't an effective long-term solution to the problem you actually have, which is that your ex is not providing a safe environment for the kid during his custody time.

If Abby is also distressed by the weight gain, it could lead to an eating disorder like bulimia. You probably need to contact your lawyer and talk through what your options are. Depending on what state you are in, Abby can make a request for custody review on grounds of abuse, n**lect, or inability to properly take care of a child.

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But that really needs to be driven by her, not you. Alternatively, she's 14, she's old enough to take a stand for herself - make her own meals while she's there or bring some home-packed meals and eat them instead of whatever takeout he gets.

newbeginingshey − I was in the fence until I saw that you already had consults with a therapist, doctor, and nutritionist. If they’re all aligned on the root cause, he’s unwilling to provide a healthy diet, and your daughter wants to go, then solidly NTA.

Keep her in therapy though. I suspect dad’s going to claim parental alienation so a long track record of therapy, you following the therapist’s recommendation, and him refusing to attend family therapy / follow Dr recommendations will help you out a lot.

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semmama − NTA. Overweight children are a product of abuse when it isn't medical. That's what he is doing to her, abusing her. It may seemike it isn't but as someone who grew up overweight and struggles as an adult I can tell you from experience it very much is. On top of the physical problems it can cause, even just trying to buy cute clothes, we live in a f**phobic society and that can cause mental issues.

You're trying to do better for your daughter and he is refusing to. She is old enough to chose whether she wants to go to soccer camp or not and him assuming it's just a fat camp tells you that he knows he is not feeding her properly and is the cause of her unhealthy weight gain.

[Reddit User] − NTA. No matter how a person's stance may be on fat accepantce, there's no way that being 210 pounds at 14 is healthy and it wil definitely lead to health issues later on in your daughter's life. Your doing the right thing OP, and considering the fact that your daughter is on board with it too your ex-husband can suck it.

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Superdry73 − NTA - 210 at 14 years old sounds shockingly obese, and it's obvious that intervention now is critical before the physiological and psychological changes become ingrained and permanent. I don't understand why your Ex wouldn't also be concerned here.

As long as your daughter is on board, it sounds like a great idea. It may not be a permanent solution, but at least it temporarily breaks an extremely destructive pattern. Have you considered that maybe your daughter needs more therapy? At 14, she should be able to start asserting herself with regard to what and how much she eats.

hoochiscrazzy72 − NTA and your ex needs to take responsibility for the damage he is doing to your daughters health

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JosKarith − Nta but you need to teach baby that she has a right to say no to putting something in her body.

These opinions are spicy, but do they cut to the core of Abby’s struggle, or are they just armchair quarterbacking?

Abby’s story is a messy slice of life—divorce, diets, and a teen caught in the middle. Her mother’s soccer camp plan is a heartfelt attempt to steer her toward health, but it’s a Band-Aid on a wound that needs co-parenting stitches. What would you do if you were navigating this tug-of-war over a child’s well-being? Share your thoughts—have you faced similar battles, or do you think Mom’s approach is spot-on or over the line?

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