WIBTA if I move in with my dad even though I know what he did to my mom?
A teen , caught in the crossfire of her parents’ divorce, weighs moving in with her dad despite her mom’s bombshell: he pushed for her birth, sparking their split when mom was six months pregnant. Mom’s a loud, rigid force—clashing over breakfast timing, clothing, anything “different”—and favors her sons (19, 17), leaving the girl to carve her identity in opposition. Dad, remarried with 12-year-old twins, offers a haven she’s leaned into more this year. Last week, mom snapped—he “pressured” her for a daughter—unleashing family fury when the girl still chose dad. Is she the cad, or just chasing calm?
Visits to dad’s every other weekend grew into escapes from mom’s ire, but the revelation flipped the script. Mom’s clan and brothers—who’ve long shunned dad—call her traitor; she’s torn but unfazed—mom’s consent wasn’t forced, just regretted. At 15, she craves dad’s steadiness over mom’s scorn. Would moving make her wrong? Reddit’s got her compass—let’s map this mess.
‘WIBTA if I move in with my dad even though I know what he did to my mom?’
Dr. Jane Thompson, a family therapist specializing in adolescent development, explains that when a parent consistently criticizes and rejects a child’s individuality, it’s natural for that child to gravitate toward the parent who offers more support. “In cases like these, the child is often forced to choose sides simply to preserve her emotional well‑being,” she says. “Your decision to spend more time with your dad—who validates your identity and provides a nurturing environment—is a healthy coping mechanism, especially when your mom’s behavior has been consistently rejecting and critical.”
Dr. Michael Reyes, a clinical psychologist, adds, “It’s not uncommon for siblings to react negatively when one of them aligns with a parent who isn’t favored by the other. However, seeking support from the parent who is emotionally available is a valid strategy for healing and self-discovery.” He emphasizes that while family therapy might eventually help mend some of the tension, it’s important for you to continue prioritizing your own emotional safety and growth.
Both experts agree that your decision isn’t about taking sides for the sake of conflict—it’s about finding a space where you can thrive. Even though others in your family might view your closeness with your dad as problematic, these experts highlight that establishing healthy boundaries and seeking support where it exists is crucial for your overall development.
Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:
Reddit’s hum sang a swift chorus of claps and calls. Many stamped her NTA—mom’s the mess, they hooted, dad’s your rock, go live. Some probed—dad’s side next?—but cheered loud: she hates you, he loves you, simple. Others flared—f**k ‘em, flee—while the buzz blared bright: she’s no cad, just a kid craving care.
This situation highlights a classic dilemma: choosing between loyalty to a parent who has caused pain and prioritizing one’s own emotional security. While it’s completely understandable to lean toward the parent who offers support, it’s also important to consider how this choice may impact relationships with siblings and extended family.
What do you think? Is moving in with a supportive parent a necessary step toward healing, or should we try to bridge the gap between both sides? Share your thoughts and experiences below—let’s discuss how to navigate the delicate balance of family loyalty and personal well‑being.
