WIBTA if I cut my late husbands family completely out of my unborn children’s lives?

A heavy silence hung in the cozy nursery, where a young widow gently folded tiny onesies, her heart caught between grief and defiance. At 24, she was preparing for triplets, a bittersweet milestone without her beloved husband, whose sudden passing left a void no wealth could fill. His family, draped in privilege, had never accepted her humble roots, casting her as an outsider in their polished world. Now, they demanded a place in her children’s lives, despite their icy disdain. Could she trust them with her babies’ hearts?

The tension was palpable, like a storm brewing over a quiet town. Her late husband’s kindness had been her anchor, but his family’s accusations—calling her a gold-digger, questioning her babies’ paternity—stung like salt in an open wound. Their audacity peaked when they tried to rewrite his will and hijack his funeral, leaving her to wonder: would they ever see her as family? As she stood firm, her sister-in-law’s plea for peace only deepened her doubt, setting the stage for a heartrending dilemma.

‘WIBTA if I cut my late husbands family completely out of my unborn children’s lives?’

I (24f) am an expectant mother of triplets and recently widowed. My late husband passed away at 28 suddenly 2 months after we found out I was pregnant. I can honestly say he was the love of my life and it devastated me losing him. He was the kindest, loving, most compassionate man I've ever met.

My inlaws though are a different story. My late husband came from money whereas I didn't, they were harshly judgmental from day one because I come from a very poor background and was working a minimum wage job while supporting my siblings and parents.

In their minds, I was some gold-digging whore. They had even gone as far as to suggest that our children aren't his. I did everything to assuage their fears to no avail even insisting we signed a prenup before we got married. To put it frankly these people if they even acknowledge my existence are cold and extremely passive-aggressive.

When my husband passed they tried to blame me for the accident (I wasn't even there), they tried to contest his will that named myself and his children as beneficiaries, they even tried to usurp his funeral and steamroll me into accepting what they wanted.

But oddly enough in spite of the actions they say they want to be involved in their grandchildren's lives and that family is the most important thing. The only saving grace through all of this has been my late husband's sister who has tried to keep the peace.

She insists her parents are just grieving and they will come around especially after our children are born. I've told her I do not think that I want them involved especially if they are going to continually bad mouth me. She thinks I WBTA if I went through with this, that I am allowing my hormones and grief to cloud my judgment on what's right for my children.

ADVERTISEMENT

That family is important and them having their grandparents in their lives will be a good thing. That babies bring out the best in people and things will settle down between us all once they're here. I don't know maybe I am holding their treatment of me against them and would be depriving my children as my SIL thinks. AITA?

Navigating family dynamics during grief is like walking a tightrope over a stormy sea. The young widow’s struggle reflects a clash of values—her in-laws’ elitism versus her protective love. Their accusations and attempts to control her husband’s legacy reveal a deep-seated mistrust, likely fueled by class differences. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Trust is built in small moments of respect and understanding” (source: Gottman Institute). Here, the in-laws’ failure to respect her erodes any foundation for connection.

ADVERTISEMENT

This situation mirrors broader societal issues of class prejudice. Studies show that 60% of Americans believe class differences impact family relationships negatively (Pew Research). The in-laws’ behavior—dismissing her background and questioning her integrity—highlights how wealth can amplify entitlement, blinding them to her grief. Their sudden interest in the grandchildren feels more like control than care, especially after contesting the will.

Dr. Gottman’s insight applies directly: without mutual respect, relationships crumble. The widow’s hesitation to involve her in-laws is justified—they’ve shown little empathy, and exposing her children to potential toxicity risks their emotional well-being. Forcing a bond now could backfire, fostering resentment rather than family unity.

For solutions, she could set clear boundaries, allowing limited, supervised contact only if the in-laws demonstrate genuine change. Consulting a family lawyer to understand grandparent rights in her state is crucial (e.g., Nolo Legal Guide). She might also seek grief counseling to process her loss and navigate this conflict with clarity, ensuring her children grow up surrounded by love, not judgment.

ADVERTISEMENT

See what others had to share with OP:

The Reddit hive mind didn’t hold back, dishing out candid takes with a side of sass. From calling out the in-laws’ hypocrisy to urging legal protection, the comments were a fiery mix of support and skepticism. Here’s what the community had to say:

OctobersMoonAndStars − NTA. It sounds they like have never had your best interests at heart. They put you aside and put you down and dealt with you only as needed. I don’t feel like keeping them away from your baby’s lives is a bad decision at all. If they were more caring to you beforehand it would be a different story. They’re not compassionate or polite towards you which would also be a toxic example for your kids to grow up with.

thoughtfulmind29 − NTA. Do not trust them with your children. If my suspicions are right, your SIL is a flying monkey, she might sound nice to your face but I wouldn't trust her either. Actions speak louder than words, and their actions suggest that they want you out of the picture.

ADVERTISEMENT

Keep documents of everything. A paper trail could be useful if they ever take you to court for visitations with your children (not sure if there's grandparents rights where you live). Best of luck to you, stay safe, and definitely do not trust your late husband's family.

mamagigli0 − NTA. My SILs sons father died when the boy was around 1.5, she was around 21 years old. His mother made my SILs life hell, threatening multiple times to have the boy taken from her. You might want to check with an attorney if there are grandparents rights laws where you live so that you know if you can totally cut them out or not.

I don’t think that people really change. His parents have shown you who they are. I think it would be good for the children to know their father’s family. They are going to have questions about their grandparents as they get older. It’s natural. But they’ve been so disrespectful so far. Please proceed with caution.

ADVERTISEMENT

AnonTxHeathen − NTA. Also, I am bitxhy enough to find a state without grandparents right, and move there ASAP

BaroquePseudopath − NTA If the inlaws are treating you like crap even after and during a bereavement then they have a bloody nerve expecting you to just forget it and let them get at their grandchildren, who are also, let them never forget, your children.. Unless they are prepared to apologise for being so n**ty then wishing to cut them off is completely understandable.

loathinginmi − NTA . Family wasnt 'the most important thing' when they tried to insinuate that those werent his children, and at that point they didnt have grief as an excuse for their behavior. I do not think your thoughts and feelings are horomone - related, your feelings are justified.

ADVERTISEMENT

I dont feel they can use grief as an excuse to cut his children or yourself out of the will either. That was a continuation of the unfair treatment you have suffered since the beginning, before you were even pregnant. Honestly, I wonder if they wont try to poison them against you once they are old enough to be manipulated, just as they probably tried to do with their son.

Your SiL is their family first and foremost, peacekeeper or not. She is going to side with them regardless. I would not consider her a neutral party. We do not know these people, you do. Just take your time, think it through, weigh the positives and negatives, listen to your gut and do what you think is best. Do you think they would take you to court if you denied contact?

[Reddit User] − First, I’m very sorry for your loss.. NTA.. I’d retain a lawyer, now. Explain the history between your late husband’s family and yourself. In your situation, I think I’d tell your late husband’s family that you’re still grieving, and are not ready at this time to open your new family to them.

ADVERTISEMENT

I think how they react to this will be instructive for what you can expect in the future from them. It’s possible that they will change their behavior towards you, in order to have contact with your children. But I worry that any contact you give them will not be enough,

and that they will attempt to take your children from you -- on some pretense, like say you suffer from post-partum depression, a common thing. Well then, clearly your children are unsafe with you! Clearly, the children are safer with them! Would they win in court?

Maybe, maybe not. But if they have enough money, and given their history of spite and accusations against you, I’d be willing to wager they will try. Please arm yourself against this possibility. And maybe your lawyer will have advice on how to respond to his parents’ entreaties — perhaps my suggestion is not legally wise? Good luck.

ADVERTISEMENT

Garlicknottodaysatan − NTA for wanting to be treated as a human being. However, you can cut them out of your life at any point. So maybe you can allow them to meet the babies if they agree to treat you with respect. Give them a shot to make it up to you, and if they still act that way, you can cut them off then. But you aren't under any obligation to do so, it is just a nice possible gesture and you'd be being the bigger person.

lightwoodorchestra − NTA. Tell them ‘well, you weren’t even convinced that these children were his, so let’s just act as if they aren’t’.

flora_pompeii − NTA, given their poor behaviour you are right to be cautious. Your children don't need to be exposed to that kind of toxicity. It would be good to review what grandparent rights there are in your area and protect yourself.

ADVERTISEMENT

These Reddit hot takes are spicy, but do they cut through the fog of grief and family drama? The consensus leans toward protecting the kids, but real life isn’t always so black-and-white.

This young widow’s story tugs at the heart, balancing love for her late husband with a fierce need to shield her triplets from toxicity. Her in-laws’ coldness casts a long shadow, but her strength shines brighter. Should she give them a chance to change, or is cutting ties the safest path? What would you do if you were in her shoes, caught between family ties and self-preservation? Share your thoughts and experiences below—let’s unpack this together!

Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *