WIBTA if I chose to stay home with my husband rather than go to my daughter’s wedding?

In a cozy family home, the glow of wedding plans casts both joy and tension. A couple, striving to support their daughter’s same-sex engagement, grapples with their deeply held beliefs, finding solace in therapy and open hearts. But when the wedding invite arrives, the husband draws a firm line, and the wife stands by him, threatening to fracture their bond with their daughter, who vows to cut ties if they don’t show up.

Was their choice a stand for personal values or a step too far? Reddit’s buzzing with takes, pulling readers into a drama as delicate as a wedding veil caught in a storm.

‘WIBTA if I chose to stay home with my husband rather than go to my daughter’s wedding?’

My daughter (28f) is marrying a woman (28f) and my husband and I have been trying to be as involved as we can be without violating our conscience or who we are and what we believe. Ever since our daughter opened up to us about her relationship, we've been staying open-minded,

praying, communicating with her about it, asking questions, researching, welcoming the girlfriend into our home and getting to know her, attending online therapy with a LGBT counselor that our daughter paid for, and just overall trying to be a loving presence in our daughter's life.

It's a process and my husband and I have come a long way from where we were, but sometimes we still come across these, what our therapist calls, 'blocks of resistance' that hold us back from supporting our daughter in the way that she may want us to, in that moment.

And what I really appreciate about this counselor is that she takes our situation into account as well and is willing to speak up for my husband and I. A few years ago, when our daughter wanted us to attend a gay parade with her, we were hesitant and our counselor stood by us by telling our daughter that it was 'too soon'.

But other than the gay parade, things have been pretty smooth up until now. My husband has drawn a hard line about attending the wedding. I was sort of on the fence about attending, but I decided to stick with my husband. Our daughter is pissed.

At our last therapy session together, a week ago, our daughter said that if we didnt come to the wedding, all the work and progress that we had made would mean nothing to her, and that she would not want us to be a part of her life.

Again the counselor spoke up for us and told our daughter that everyone had their hard boundaries (boundaries that they would absolutely not cross) and that instead of making ultimatums, it would be better to consider the overall picture rather than letting one moment be the deciding factor of the relationship.

[I'm paraphrasing, she said it much better, but I think I got the main point]. The counselor talked to me privately afterward and told me how her parents hadn't came to her wedding, and they eventually made up thirty years down the line, but that was thirty years of memories that they both had missed out on.

Yet, when she talked to her parents about it recently, they said that even as much as it had hurt them not to go, they would have made the same choice because it was just something that they strongly disapproved of. She ended by telling me that she wasn't going to tell me to go or not to go, but to really consider all the pros and cons.

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Family milestones like weddings can test even the strongest bonds. This couple’s struggle to balance their beliefs with their daughter’s happiness highlights the complexity of love and acceptance. Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, notes, “Navigating family differences requires empathy and compromise to preserve connection”. His insight frames the parents’ dilemma.

The parents’ efforts—therapy, welcoming their daughter’s partner—show commitment, but their refusal to attend the wedding feels like rejection to her. Her ultimatum reflects pain, not just anger. A 2023 study found 60% of LGBTQ+ individuals feel estranged from family over acceptance issues. The parents’ “block of resistance” is valid, but risks long-term loss.

Dr. Gottman suggests small steps, like attending part of the event, to show love without compromising beliefs. The daughter could acknowledge their progress to ease tension.

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Heres what people had to say to OP:

Reddit served up a bouquet of opinions, with a touch of spice to keep it lively. Here’s what they said:

UnexpectedCatBanker − YTA. This is simple, textbook homophobia. There are no mitigating factors or circumstances. You and your husband have been given a choice between supporting your daughter or embracing bigotry, and you’ve decided that your bigotry is more important. This makes you an a**hole.

naynay2908 − YTA. Would this even be an issue if she was marrying a man? It’s just homophobia. Go and be there for your daughter, be happy for her. But don’t go if you’re going to make the day miserable.

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Illusduty − If you're more invested in hating gay people than in loving your daughter, then yes, YTA.

emccm − Without “violating” your conscience? Holy f**k. YWBTA. I don’t have kids so what do I know but my understanding is that you are supposed to love, support and encourage them to live their best lives. Maybe an actual parent can correct me on this. I haven’t spoken to my family in years because of their b**lshit.

I can honestly say my life only got better once I was free of their expectations and small mindedness. ETA I have an amazing life and it’s my family who are missing out. I almost never think about them except to be grateful I don’t have to deal with it anymore. I hope your daughter stops dancing for scraps and frees herself like I did.

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[Reddit User] − YTA. Your daughter is setting her own hard boundary, which is that people who don't love and support ALL of her will not have a role in her life. If that's the hill you want to die on, so be it, but it will be a self-inflicted wound.

[Reddit User] − An LGBTQIA+ Christian weighing in here. It is quite clear that your views are prejudiced, and whilst I appreciate you have been trying to work with your daughter on this I do believe you are undoing all of that progress by not going.

She wants you to be there for a moment when she makes a wonderful life long commitment to someone she loves. Because that is what it is. Love is love regardless of gender. God would never step in the way of what I hope will blossom into a beautiful marriage.

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How can you be against one of the most wonderful aspects of human nature? Please go. She wants you to be there. She wants you to accept her and accept the person she loves. If you don't, then she will see that you'll never accept her for who she is and it will cause years of pain, especially on her part.

[Reddit User] − YTA. you and your husbands beliefs unfortunately are stronger than your relationship with your own daughter. when you stripe away all the BS of life(including religion) you might finally understand that your family means more than anything else. i hope you change you mind.. Also why do wives constantly support dumbass decisions by their husbands?

ArcanTemival − I mean, you're a bigot, so yes, of \*course\* YTA. People like you stood against interracial marriage decades ago, for much the same reasons. What do they look like now? That's what you look like to us, and what you'll look like to pretty much everyone in a few decades time.

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pineapplewin − YTA. I love that you're trying therapy, but your daughter is right. Your acting like there's some middle ground here. The cold hard truth is you either accept her as she is, as her creator made her, or you don't. If you don't, why bother? If you do, than this is how you show it.

The middle ground exists in the not joining the parade, or not putting a pride flag on your house. It is not 'I love my daughter, but it's weird and gross, and against my beliefs, so she gets a pass in theory, not in public.

I'll continue rejecting other Lesbians politely, and that's fine. I won't change my church, habits, thoughts, actions that shows my constant r**ection of who my daughter is, but that's ok because 'faith'.'. Ultimately you will have to choose if you accept this or not.

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That is your choice to make. Do you actually accept her, or not? That is where she's expecting therapy to lead to. That is the point of this. Give the relationship every possible hope of succeeding. Do you see yourself reaching acceptance of her as she is? When?

FoodIsMyBoyyyfriend − YTA. sounds like u hate the gay community more than u love your daughter. Get over it, It’s 2022

These Reddit takes are bold, but do they mend the family rift or just widen it?

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This wedding dilemma shows how love and beliefs can clash, leaving families at a crossroads. The parents’ choice sparked debate, but it also begs the question: how do you support loved ones when values collide? Have you faced a family moment where beliefs tested bonds? Drop your stories below—let’s untangle this together!

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