WIBTA if i asked the parents of someone who owes me a lot of money to pay their kids debt so they dont get sued with huge court costs?

Tiana Garrett Hours
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Picture a gut-punch moment: you loan a friend $1500 for her dream dog, trusting her written promise to repay, only to be ghosted. Messages go unread, texts ignored, and now you’re staring at a legal battle to reclaim your money. This person, fed up with their friend’s dodge, drafted a message to the friend’s mom, hoping to avoid court drama but wrestling with whether it’s a step too far.

This tale simmers with betrayal, desperation, and a moral tug-of-war. The lender’s frustration is raw, yet their hesitation to involve parents adds a layer of empathy. Readers are pulled into a drama where friendship, money, and family ties collide, sparking questions about boundaries and justice.

‘WIBTA if i asked the parents of someone who owes me a lot of money to pay their kids debt so they dont get sued with huge court costs?’

I loaned what I thought was a friend $1500 because her dream dog became available for sale and clearly she stated, in writing she would pay me back a certain amount per fortnight. This hasn't happened.

It's now clear she's ignoring me, the 'won't even open your message while I'm constantly online on Facebook,' no responses on SMS and so really the only option for me is to take it to court.

Even though it's an unloseable case for me, it's still time and effort, with no guarantee of seeing the money if she's too poor to even pay back the abysmal rate we agreed on.. I found her mom on Facebook, and have drafted what I was planning on sending to her:

'Hey. You may not know me and I'm still unsure as to whether it's inappropriate for me to send this message, but your daughter [L] borrowed $1500 off me to buy that dog she now has. There was a clear agreement in writing as to what has to be paid back and when and she is not paying it back.

I send messages, both on Facebook and SMS and she ignores them - I think that's a clear sign that someone's dodging their obligations. The next step is to sue for it, which in this case for me is unloseable, but I'm just wondering whether or not to avoid the legal fees she'd be forced to pay you could either tell her to finalise it,

or you could pay me it directly and then take it up with her. Apologies if this is out of line, but $1500 isn't something you forget about, and really this is for her benefit and not my own. '. Is this entirely appropriate, or is this going too far?

This debt dispute is like a friendship gone sour over a bad IOU. Financial expert Suze Orman advises, “Never lend money you can’t afford to lose, and always get it in writing” (Suze Orman). Here, the lender’s written agreement strengthens their case, but the friend’s ghosting turns a personal loan into a legal headache.

The lender’s urge to contact the parents stems from frustration and a desire to avoid court costs, which a 2023 small claims study estimates can add $200–$500 to disputes (Nolo). However, involving parents of a 30-year-old risks overstepping, as they’re not legally liable. The friend’s evasion suggests intent to default, a breach of trust that stings.

This reflects broader issues of financial boundaries in friendships. Orman stresses clear communication to prevent resentment. Contacting the mom could be seen as manipulative, though the lender’s polite draft aims to inform, not guilt. Redditors split on this, some seeing it as fair pressure, others as inappropriate.

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For solutions, the lender should send a formal demand letter to the friend, citing the agreement and a repayment deadline, before escalating to small claims court. If contacting the mom, a softer tone, as suggested, avoids sounding threatening. Consulting a lawyer ensures legal steps align with local laws, protecting the lender’s rights.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

The Reddit posse rode in with a mix of cheers and jeers, like a town hall debating a local scandal. They hashed out the ethics of dragging parents into a grown adult’s mess:

[Reddit User] − NTA. It's uncomfortable, but I think that this is the best way to go about it. You could show a bit more compassion towards the parents with something like 'I am sorry to spring this on you' or 'I realize this is uncomfortable, but I felt this was more respectful to your family than just taking legal action immediately.'

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Even if you don't though, you're still not the a**hole. She should not loan money she doesn't plan on paying back. EDIT: my comment was made based only on OP's initial post. It has been brought to my attention, that the borrower's age is 30.

This does not change the fact that, depending on the law of a country or state, the next of kin of the debtor may have to pay back the debt. I personally still think contacting the person's parents is not a bad idea, as long as it is done respectfully and with a clear understanding that they do not have to jump in in any way.

bigrottentuna − NTA. Send a note.. I'm a professor and I can't help editing other people's writing. Here is what I recommend: 'Hi. You may not know me and I'm terribly sorry to bother you with this, but your daughter \[L\] borrowed $1500 from me to buy her dog. We have a written agreement as to what has to be paid back and when, but she is not paying it back.

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I have sent her messages on Facebook and via SMS and she has not responded. The next step is for me to sue her for it and I am confident that I will win, but I would prefer to avoid the expense and hassle for both of us. If there is anything you can do to help out in this situation, I would be super grateful.'

Nonsuperstites − NTA. I would take out any mention of legal action in that message, makes it sound threatening. See how she responds first and then mention legal action if need be.

tessah22 − NTA, but this isn't get parents' responsibility. Sue her, then let her be the one to involve them. That's really not your place.

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SnausageFest − LPT: If you think reporting every single comment by OP makes us more aware of whatever is stuck in your craw, you would be wrong. It just takes time away from us actually dealing with the issue.. OP, I don't agree with the reports and you're mostly doing fine, but here's your rule 3 reminder anyway.

TobyTheArtist − NTA, send it. Have you made it clear you're considering legal action?

Wikidess − Info - how old is the person who owes you money? If they're underage, they can't legally enter into a contract on their own, so the contract would be void - I only ask if she's underage since your title mentions the parents being sued...

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[Reddit User] − YTA. This is between you and another adult - a 30 year old adult. Why would you Bring their parent into it? If this person isn’t paying you then sue them.

trimericconch39 − YTA. To offer a differing perspective from what seems to be the consensus, provided that you and your former friend are both over 18, then going after the parents for the money is kind of a shady move. It is true that you deserve to get your money back.

It is probably true that seeing their child get taken to court will be difficult for the parents. But neither of these things justify resorting to emotional blackmail to circumvent the *proper legal channels*.

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The right way to do this is to file a lawsuit, and if the parents want to bail their kid out, then they’ll offer you a settlement. The parents are not the ones who slighted you, so trying to guilt them into paying for their kids mistake under the guise that it would save “legal fees” is just opportunistic.

popcorngreg − ESH- I read through a bunch of the comments and what I gathered is that you gave a 30 year old money because you knew she’d let you have s** with her if you did. Sounds like a stupid, bordering on prostitution, mistake made by two consenting adults.

Yeah she should still pay you back but what part of this situation makes you think contacting her parents would be appropriate? Take her to small claims if you have to but I’ll tell you right now they aren’t going to “empty her house” like your bitter self wants. They may garnish wages but that’s about it, or you could end up with a dog you don’t want.

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These Redditors wrestled with the lender’s plan, some backing the parent outreach, others calling it a shady move. Their takes highlight the tension between justice and tact. But do they capture the full weight of this $1500 betrayal, or just stir the pot?

This story is a spicy blend of trust, betrayal, and tough choices. The lender’s debate over involving parents underscores the pain of a friend’s dodge and the quest for fairness. It’s a reminder that money can fray even the tightest bonds. Have you ever faced a friend who wouldn’t pay up? What would you do to reclaim your cash? Share your stories below!

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