WIBTA if I ask my wife to stop listening to crime podcasts?

A peaceful suburban home turned into a battleground of nerves when a wife’s true crime podcast obsession sparked a security overhaul. Her husband, usually laid-back, now faces a barrage of demands for window bars and new doors, fueled by her growing paranoia about unsolved murders.

With a toddler in the mix, her fears hit close to home, but the price tags don’t sit right with him. This Reddit saga hooks readers with a relatable marital tug-of-war: how do you balance love, fear, and a tight budget?

‘WIBTA if I ask my wife to stop listening to crime podcasts?’

I am not a controlling person in my marriage. If my wife wants to go out she goes out, if she wants to buy something she generally gets it, if she wants to watch Vampire Diaries for 750,000th time go for it (while I watch something else elsewhere) But recently she’s started listening to a true crime podcast and it’s starting to affect our daily life.

Since listening to this podcast, which she tells me is about unsolved murders she is starting to get very paranoid and wants to make huge changes to the house that I don’t personally feel are necessary and are not worth the money. She wants to add door and window alarms which is fine, I don’t personally want them but I can manage with those.

But now she wants to switch out our exterior doors with new ones that don’t have a window at all and also is looking into buying bars for the windows in case someone tries to break in through there. We do not live in a dangerous neighborhood at all and the crime map online I can look at shows a single case of domestic violence in a 2 mile radius of our house.

Would I be the a**hole if I ask her to stop listening to this podcast and try to work through her newfound fright in a different way? Also of note as it’s definitely important we do have an almost 3 year old that she is of course worried about and could be fueling the majority of this.

EDIT: It’s a craftsmen style door. It’s private already there is only a small pane of glass near the top of the door that no human could fit through even if they broke it. And even if they broke it they couldn’t reach the deadbolt or handle to unlock it unless they were a wizard in which saw we’re f**ked anyways.

This marital spat shows how media can amplify anxiety, turning a cozy home into a fortress blueprint. The wife’s push for extreme security—like window bars and solid doors—stems from true crime podcasts, clashing with her husband’s practical stance.

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Dr. Gail Saltz, a psychiatrist, notes, “Constant exposure to fear-inducing media can increase anxiety, especially in parents.” Her protective instincts for their toddler are understandable, but her solutions seem excessive in a low-crime neighborhood.

Anxiety often spikes with parenthood; a 2024 study found 70% of new parents report heightened safety concerns. The wife’s fixation, fueled by vivid crime stories, may reflect this maternal drive, but it risks straining their budget and marriage. Saltz suggests redirecting anxiety through grounding techniques, like reviewing local crime stats for perspective.

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The husband could propose affordable compromises, like smart locks or cameras, while gently encouraging therapy to address her fears. Open dialogue, perhaps with a couples’ counselor, could align their priorities.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit’s armchair experts served up a mix of empathy and eye-rolls.

nashamagirl99 − NTA, I am interested in true crime but I never demanded to turn our house into the DMZ. Wife sounds paranoid.

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Salmonellq − NAH, well maybe your wife is overreacting a little, but nobody's an a**hole. Her intentions are good, so are yours.

Nute-Funray − NTA. I have a very similar situation, only instead of true crime podcasts she watches true crime TV shows. Voice your concerns, yes crimes happen but you’re in a safe neighbourhood

and these things won’t happen just because she has started listening to podcasts about them. She doesn’t exactly need to stop listening to them but still needs to know that she shouldn’t get scared by them and want to take a ton of unnecessary precautions.

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[Reddit User] − NAH your wife is a concerned mother with new information at her fingertips looking to protect her family, you are a concerned husband who wants to ensure that your wife isn't unnecessarily adding to her anxiety. That being said, she's an adult and is allowed to consume whatever media she wants as long as it's not putting anyone in danger.

I think the more appropriate ask/conversation would be discussing the facts you've presented about the safety of your neighborhood and explaining that you understand her newfound fears, but you don't think continuing to engage with this podcast is helpful. I will also add that I think her requests are reasonable up to the point of the bars on the windows.. It's up to her from there and then, well, anyone could be the ah haha

[Reddit User] − I think YWBTA if you approached it like 'I want you to stop listening to all that stuff right now', but I think you can definitely approach it in a way that would make you NTA if you are like 'I understand the safety of you and our children is important but we actually can't afford that stuff' and have a reasonable discussion about it.

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Jojobabiebear − NAH sure, she may be becoming more paranoid, but it seems like it’s more because she worried about you and y’all kid. You’re not an a**hole for wanting her to take a break with the podcasts, but she’s not an a**hole for wanting to keep y’all safe. I hope y’all are able to work it all out!

RunningTrisarahtop − NAH you aren’t an a**hole for wanting to fix her anxiety and she’s not an a**hole for considering security changes. It sounds like she’s fighting with anxiety. I don’t think stopping true crime podcasts will end her anxiety. I think she needs some treatment.

MisfitHeather138 − NAH. It sounds like you're asking permission to tell her not to listen to the podcasts anymore because the resulting behavior is inconvenient to you. Don't do that. It's not your decision to make or even suggest. She's an adult and the only one who decides what she listens to.

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The fact that you blame the podcasts for her new found security obsession is mute. She's suddenly realizing that no one is 100% safe and she wants to lessen the chance. That's OK. Stay out of her decisions regarding what she listens to. Period.

Now, you can definitely sit her down and point out that the chances of something happening are extremely low (but not impossible) and that you're concerned about her recent obsession with security. Keep in mind this isn't about WHY she's feels like you need more security- she didn't before but she does now- and you have to work towards a compromise. I see your point that the odds of a break in are low.

I see her point that low doesn't mean impossible. Neither of you are being unreasonable but you need to reach a compromise here. Obviously turning your home into a fortress isn't a viable option so sit down together and work through what you're willing to do and what you aren't. Just discuss each other's thoughts on this and then try to reach a workable compromise that you both can live with.

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KyliaQuilor − Well, I think you might suggest that these changes aren't needed and not jump straight to having her stop her latest hobby. But NTA, depending on how you actually approach it.

ViolaExplosion − NTA! This podcast(s) is clearly not good for her, but also I think just asking her to stop won't go very far because she clearly enjoys it/them. A good middle meet might be to see what exact podcasts she's listening to and see if you can find some less dire toned ones (assuming she's listening to a dire toned one)

From praising the husband’s practicality to defending the wife’s protective instincts, these takes spark debate. But do they untangle the knot of love and fear?

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This tale of podcast paranoia and marital compromise leaves us pondering how fear shapes our choices. The wife’s protective streak clashes with the husband’s pragmatism, but both want what’s best. Would you ask a spouse to ditch a hobby fueling anxiety, or find another way? Share your thoughts—how do you navigate a partner’s fears without breaking the bank?

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