WIBTA if i abandoned my child?
Imagine a quiet night shattered: I’m 37M, married a decade to my wife (39F), raising our 9-year-old daughter—or so I thought. A fight unmasked a gut punch—she hinted my girl isn’t mine. I held it together, got a paternity test, and the truth hit: I’m not her dad. My wife begged me to stay, but I’m done—divorce is on. She cheated, her lover’s dead, and now she’s pleading not to lose our home. My family says cut them both loose, but my daughter’s innocent face haunts me. Would I be the asshole for walking away?
‘WIBTA if i abandoned my child?’
This is a soul-crusher. My wife’s betrayal is a knife, but my daughter—she’s no villain. Dr. Gordon Neufeld, a child psychology expert, says, “Attachment isn’t DNA—it’s years of love woven tight” (from Hold On to Your Kids). Nine years, I’ve been her dad—diapers, bedtime stories, all of it. The test says she’s not mine, but my heart’s not so sure. My wife’s sin isn’t hers, yet abandoning her feels like punishing us both. Legally, I might still owe support—courts often see me as “dad” anyway (varies by state).
The rift? Rage at my wife clashes with guilt for my girl. Stats show 1-3% of kids aren’t biologically their dad’s (American Paternity Association, 2023), but most don’t flip a switch on love. My family’s “cut her out” feels cold—easy for them, not me. Divorce? Hell yes. Ditch my daughter? That’s the rub. Therapy could untangle this—how to exit gracefully, if I must. Readers, would you sever a decade’s bond over blood, or am I missing the bigger picture?
Here’s what the community had to contribute:
Reddit’s voices split but leaned heavy with empathy. Most say I’m not the asshole for divorcing—my wife’s deceit is unforgivable. But abandoning my daughter? That’s where they wince. They see a kid who’d lose her world, not her fault, and call me out for even considering it—some soft YTA vibes there. Others get my hurt, suggesting legal outs if possible, but urge kindness: she’s still my girl in spirit. The chorus? Wife’s the monster; don’t make the kid pay.
So, WIBTA? My wife’s lie torched our marriage, and I’m ready to walk. But my daughter—nine years of “Daddy”—she’s no stranger. Cutting her out feels like revenge on the wrong person, yet staying tied to her mom’s mess chokes me. Maybe I can fade gently, not vanish. It’s a brutal fork: love her, leave her, or linger in pain. If your world flipped like this, would you run or hold on? Drop your wisdom—let’s wrestle this beast together!
