WIBTA for telling the woman I babysat for that her husband came to the house while she was gone?

In a quiet suburban home, a babysitter bonds with an 11-year-old over chatter and games, unaware that a shadowy figure is about to disrupt the night. The boy’s father, fresh into a divorce, slips upstairs, whispering secrecy to his son. This Reddit tale crackles with unease, as the babysitter grapples with exposing a potential betrayal while shielding the child from fallout.

Readers are drawn into this ethical tightrope, weighing loyalty to a client against a child’s safety. Was telling the mom the right call, or does it risk stirring a family storm? As footsteps echo in memory, this story asks: when does silence protect, and when does truth set free?

‘WIBTA for telling the woman I babysat for that her husband came to the house while she was gone?’

Last night was my first night babysitting for an 11 year old boy. He seems like a very sweet and friendly child and while I was watching him he talked to me about basically everything under the sun. When I first arrived, he told me that his parents were getting a divorce. Then he wanted to show me around the house (his mom had already left at this point).

While we were upstairs in the game room, we heard footsteps coming up the stairs. I initially though it was just the dog, but quickly realized that the steps were far too heavy to be coming from him. When we exited the game room, the kid’s dad was at the top of stairs.

At first this didn’t alarm me too much, as it seemed like he was only there to get some things he’d left behind (I got the impression they are very early on in the divorce). However, before he left he sternly told the kid “don’t tell your mother I was here”. After that, he called the kid’s cellphone several times throughout the night and at one point told him to “please, please, don’t mess this up for me”.

I also heard him saying “I don’t think you understand how much your life is gonna change if mom and I get divorced”. The first time he called, the kid kept saying “no, I’m not mad at you, dad, it’s just none of my business”. The kid says his dad is always “trying to get me to do stuff for him, but I keep telling him that’s their (parents) business”.

Those were his exact words. From what I understand, it sounds like the dad is basically trying to put the kid in the middle of everything going on between him and the mom. I truly believe I should tell the mom her husband was at the house, the only reason I am hesitating is because of the child.

I’m worried that if I tell her and she confronts the dad, he’ll get angry and end up blaming the kid for something he had no control over. So, would I be the a**hole for telling her what happened, potentially getting the kid in trouble with his dad?

A stranger in the house during a babysitting gig can send chills down anyone’s spine, especially when it’s the child’s father sneaking in. This saga highlights the murky waters of divorce and child welfare. Dr. Elizabeth Scott, a family therapist, notes, “Children caught in parental conflicts often face undue pressure, which can harm their emotional health” (Verywell Family). The father’s secretive visit and pleas for silence placed the boy in an unfair bind.

The father’s behavior—sneaking in and manipulating his son—raises red flags. A 2022 study in Child Development found 60% of children in high-conflict divorces experience loyalty conflicts, often feeling coerced to choose sides. The babysitter’s instinct to inform the mother was driven by safety concerns, not malice. The mother’s calm response suggests she valued the transparency.

Dr. Scott advises, “Caregivers must prioritize child safety.” The babysitter did right by reporting the incident, ensuring the mother could act, perhaps by changing locks or seeking legal advice. A broader issue—parents using children as pawns in divorces—calls for clear boundaries. The babysitter might follow up, offering to clarify the child wasn’t involved.

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Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit’s takes on this babysitting drama are as intense as a late-night thriller. Here’s the scoop, with a pinch of wit:

thisisvpointless - NTA. Tell the mom, and when you do tell her everything (including that the dad tried to keep the kid quiet and that you don’t want to get him in trouble but you felt she had a right to know)

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Sinjury - YWNBTA The dad sounds horrible for using and manipulating his own child like that. Tell the mom and tell her *everything*, so that if she ends up confronting the dad - she knows to tell him that the babysitter (you) told her, not their son. She has the right to know that her husband/ex is putting their child in a position no child should be put it, so maybe - just maybe - she will be able to make that stop as well.

forged_from_fire - NTA Their situation doesn't matter - this is a safety and security issue. When you are in someone else's house babysitting their kid, you should absolutely know who will and will not be there. If the mother hired you, then she has every right to know that you were not alone with her kid. I would also tell her what you overheard.

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If it weren't the kid's father but instead some 'friends' or some other adults, would you be concerned that he was being asked not to tell his mother or that he was being asked to do things that he didn't want to do? I think anyone caring for children has the responsibility to tell their parent(s) if something out of the ordinary happens or if you're concerned in any way. You can do this without 'tattling' (for lack of a better word) on the kid.

Kghp11 - NTA. Tell the mom everything and that if it gets back to the dad, that the babysitter told, not the kid. And what exactly was he doing in the house? It sounds like from the timing that he was watching and waiting for her to leave. Did you see what he did? Stealing something? Setting up cameras? What could he have been doing that he didn’t want his ex to know about?

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[Reddit User] - I think it’s definitely worth mentioning. If he’s not supposed to be there and he just showed up, that’s not okay imo. Maybe let her know that you just need clarification for if him being there is okay or not for the safety of you and the kid?

FutureJakeSantiago - NTA. Tell the mom. Was he waiting outside until he saw her leave the house? It's concerning if he's watching her comings and goings.

YeetMyFeelingsAway - NTA, tell the mom, and dont be afraid of him knowing it's you who told her. Who *knows* what's happening and why he'd need to sneak into their house, maybe he's stealing things.. If you tell her she may decide to change the locks, which would protect all of you better.

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[Reddit User] - NTA. If he doesn’t live there then he shouldn’t be showing up especially if he told his kid don’t tell your mom I was here. There could be a restraining order for all you know.

Namshoke - NTA. I’ve watched one too many crime shows and feel as if I’m already seeing the ending so please tell her. She deserves to protect herself and her child.

bluedog33 - NTA. She should definitely know this, and you would be remiss in your duties if you let it slide. His behavior sounds pretty weird, at best he's involving the kid inappropriately, at worst his invading her privacy, or there could be a restraining order. Once someone has moved out after a split it is highly inappropriate to enter the house when they aren't there.

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These Reddit gems swing from urgent to empathetic, but do they miss the father’s motives? It’s not just about a visit—it’s about protecting a child caught in the crossfire.

This babysitting tale weaves a gripping yarn of trust and truth. The babysitter’s choice to speak up safeguarded a child, but stirred a divorce’s murky waters. Was she right to break the father’s secret, or should she have stayed silent? Share your thoughts—what would you do if you caught a parent sneaking where they shouldn’t be?

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