WIBTA for telling my little sister she can’t remove me from my wedding photo & photoshop herself into my place?

Six years ago, a bride shared a tender moment with her mother, captured as a necklace was fastened before her wedding. Now, her younger sister, aching from their mother’s loss, plans to photoshop herself into that photo, erasing the bride. The bride, 30, feels torn—her sister’s grief is real, but so is her own attachment to that memory.

This Reddit saga, buzzing with opinions, dives into a clash of love and boundaries. Can the bride protect her moment without hurting her sister? Let’s explore this heartfelt dilemma.

‘WIBTA for telling my little sister she can’t remove me from my wedding photo & photoshop herself into my place?’

My little sister (28f) is recently engaged. I (30 f) got married about 6 years ago (I’ve since divorced and am engaged again). Our mom died 5 years ago, shortly after my wedding. At my wedding 6 years ago, the photographer took a photo of my mom fastening a necklace around my neck.

My little sister has told multiple people that when she gets married, she plans to hire someone with graphic design skills to remove me from that photo and photoshop herself in my place. So far, I’ve said nothing, but I’ve always felt hurt by that idea and now that she is actually planning a wedding, I am wondering if I should put my foot down.

At the same time, I don’t want to add to her pain either. Background on prioritizing her feelings/wants leading up to this point: Very shortly after our mom died, all my sisters (including my older married sisters) expressed that they wanted our mom’s engagement ring.

As my little sister didn’t get to have our mom at her wedding and the rest of us did get that experience, I urged my dad to hang on to our mom’s engagement ring for our little sister for when she eventually were to get engaged. Ultimately, I was successful in advocating for her to inherit our mom’s ring.

Once engaged, she decided to reset the ring so the only part of it that remains is the central diamond—it is a completely different design now and is unrecognizable. We are all a bit miffed by that but what’s done is done. Next, we both wanted to use our mom’s wedding dress in our upcoming weddings, but she plans to alter it beyond recognition as it was a long-sleeve,

A-line dress and she wants a strapless, mermaid-style dress. I proposed that we each wear it but not make significant alterations, but she brought up that “I’m the only one who didn’t get to have mom at her wedding”, and I do feel for her, so I dropped my bid to wear the dress. But at this point, I feel inclined to draw the line at removing me from my own photo with my mom.

Yes, I did get to have my mom at my [first] wedding. I won’t have her at my wedding to the person I’ll be spending the rest of my life with, so I’m feeling some sadness there too. If someone is going to be photoshopping someone out of that picture, I feel it should be me photoshopping my 24 year old self out for my 31 year old self.

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She also has tons of photos with our mom she could use for this purpose instead, as well as photos of our mom solo that no one would need to be removed from. Obviously I can’t force her to not do as she pleases with the photo, but WIBTA if I tell her I’m not ok with that and that she doesn’t have my permission or blessing to remove me from my wedding photo with my mom?

The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

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Navigating family dynamics after loss can feel like walking a tightrope. The bride’s hesitation to confront her sister reflects a common struggle: balancing personal boundaries with empathy for a loved one’s grief. Dr. Pauline Boss, a renowned family therapist, notes, “Ambiguous loss, like losing a parent before a milestone, can lead to complex grief that strains relationships” (source). Here, the sister’s desire to photoshop herself into the photo symbolizes a yearning to reclaim a moment she missed, but it risks overshadowing the bride’s own memories.

The bride’s advocacy for her sister to inherit their mother’s ring shows her empathy, yet the sister’s alterations to the ring and dress suggest a pattern of reshaping shared heirlooms. This tension highlights a broader issue: how families negotiate shared legacies. A 2020 study from the Journal of Family Psychology found that 68% of siblings report conflicts over inherited sentimental items, often due to differing emotional attachments . The sister’s actions may stem from a need to feel connected to her mother, but they inadvertently dismiss the bride’s emotional stake.

Dr. Boss’s concept of “ambiguous loss” applies here: the sister grapples with a mother who is gone yet ever-present in family artifacts. Instead of erasing the bride from the photo, a healthier approach might involve creating new tributes, like commissioning a painting, as suggested by a Reddit user. The bride’s update—proposing a recreated photo with their mother edited in—offers a compromise that honors both sisters’ grief without erasing personal history.

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For readers facing similar conflicts, experts suggest open communication and setting clear boundaries. Propose shared solutions, like joint tributes, and seek professional mediation if tensions escalate.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit’s hot takes on this saga are as spicy as a family reunion gone wrong. Here’s what the community had to say:

faxmachine13 - Hard to give judgment but I guess I’m confused at the priorities here. She photoshops a photo, you still have the real photo. She changes the dress, that dress is gone. You already gave her the ring, I’d be fighting more about the dress. I don’t think your an AH and I do feel like your sister kind of is, but I guess I just can’t relate to why the photo is the bigger issue here

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[Reddit User] - I'm a portrait artist who has done artwork of grandparents and grandbabies that never got to meet, wedding shots that never happened, and so on. Encourage your sister to seek out an artist to create something special for her, rather than editing your wedding photo.

kittehmummy - You, or possibly the original photographer, own the copyright for the original photo. You absolutely can stop her from illegally violating copyright. If she's planning to ask a professional to do the edit, they should either say no or make her prove she has permission to do it.

New-Link5725 - NTA I also wouldn't let her take your mothers dress and tear it apart. It's not your mother's dress if she's altering it beyond recognition. Removing the sleeves or changing something about it is one thing, but altering everything is not the same.  I'd make her get a new dress. You keep the dress. She got the wedding ring and changed that. She doesn't need the dress too.

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[Reddit User] - I can’t force her to not do as she pleases with my photo. No but the photographer can. He owns the copyright. He can sue her ass off. Tell her that.^* YWNBTA. This is *the* tackiest, stupidest, entitledest thing I have read in a long while. I feel sorry for her that mother won't be there for her wedding, but that doesn't give her any right to usurp and appropriate your memories and photograph.. --

^(* Speaking as a former pro photographer, this is technically true. I mean, he probably won't. But he could. And some of my colleagues most certainly would.) EDIT I am something of a © expert regarding photographs and their manipulation.

TLDR (and assuming USA): That's not fair use and the photographer can sue even if she just does it for personal use and doesn't sell it. And if the photographer had registered the © with LoC, the compensation is fixed by law and is HUGE. Like more than the cost of the wedding huge.

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okamijunin - OP you seriously need to set some boundaries with your sister. Normally, I wouldn’t say someone is using a parents death to use in their entitlement parade but that’s exactly what she’s doing and you’re so afraid of hurting her feelings that you’re letting her and she knows it.

klo1994- - I guess I don’t understand why this is the hill that you’re willing to die on. I would be more upset about her altering the ring and wedding dress. You still have that picture with your mom. If she were to have it edited, it’s not like that picture is going anywhere. She won’t have any pictures with your mom on her wedding day.

Even_Budget2078 - OP, I completely understand the way you are reacting, but I think it is because of the way you (and I the first few times I read this) are thinking about it. She's not removing you from your photo, your photo still exists, she's making a new photo of her and your mom. Everyone knows your mom passed away, OP. They will know it's not capturing a real moment.

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Given that, they will probably also know that the photo was originally from your wedding. In any case, your photo with your mom still exists and you had the moment for real with your mom, that can never be taken away or altered. I don't know if it would help, but think of it not being about erasing you, but rather sharing a moment with your mom that you had in real life and she can only imagine.

a2b2021 - Why didn’t you wear the dress for your first wedding? It does seem a little weird to ask for it for the second if you didn’t wear it the first (and it would be weird to wear it twice as well)

Mhunterjr - I guess I don’t understand the dilemma…Will the original photo with your mom be purged from the earth if she photoshops it? I feel like there’s opportunity for everyone to have their cake and eat it and the only thing preventing that from happening is… the right to make and alter copies… which seems pretty harmless.

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These opinions range from fiery to thoughtful, but do they capture the full nuance of grief and memory? The debate rages on.

This story reminds us how grief can twist family ties into knots, with each sister clinging to memories in her own way. The bride’s willingness to compromise shows love, but her need to protect her wedding moment is just as valid. As they navigate their mother’s absence, their story asks: how do we honor the past without stepping on each other’s toes? What would you do if a loved one wanted to alter a cherished memory of yours? Drop your thoughts below and join the conversation!

The author has updated the article information below:

ETA: many people suggesting lawsuits so want to clarify that no I would not sue over this. I love my sister and don’t want to add to her grief. I’m only grappling with whether or not it’s worth it to ask her not to use my photo in this way.

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UPDATE: I pulled from the thoughtful suggestions on this thread and called my little sister this afternoon and asked if we could talk about her plans with the photo. I asked if instead of switching us out of my wedding photo if she would be open to instead her and I recreating that image at her wedding and then editing our mom into that photo in my place.

I shared a little about how I feel— that incorporating our mom into her wedding day is something I fully support and understand but that seeing myself removed from that moment with mom at my wedding (and from that hotel room where my dog, who has also since passed, is looking on in the background of the photo) would be painful to look at.

She said she hadn’t thought about that and that she loves the idea of adding mom into a photo on her wedding day instead of putting herself in my place in that photo from mine. So thank you to those who suggested that, it accomplishes her goal but seems to feel better to us both (plus I’m the same height as our mom while she’s a bit taller so using me as a stand in for our mom might be easier to work with as far as angles for the editor).

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That led to a general conversation of how we both want to find ways to honor our mom at our upcoming weddings, which led us to the dress topic. She mentioned she’s been feeling torn about the dress because she wants to wear it because it was mom’s, but she doesn’t like the style, and with how costly such significant alterations will be, she’s realized that a new dress would cost less.

So I reiterated my interest in the dress and used an additional idea from this thread to suggest she buys the dress she wants but does some of her bridal portraits in our mom’s (unaltered) dress. She seemed to like that idea and said she just wants to make sure she “finds her dream dress” before she commits to going that direction.

She has some appointments scheduled at bridal boutiques this weekend. I’m not going to die on that hill if she decides to go dress alteration route, so we’ll just have to see on that one. I really liked the ideas people shared here about commissioning an artist to create a painting including our mom

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(and several other loved ones we’ve recently lost—it’s been a brutal few years in our family) in a “wedding photo” for her, so I’m going to figure out something along those lines for a wedding gift. Thank you to those of you who shared your perspective (and ideas, which I wasn’t expecting!) in a compassionate way. It was very helpful.

(And to the people who commented just to shame me for getting remarried after a divorce, not so helpful. Hope your lives continue to be perfect and you never know the struggle of trying to extract yourselves from a terrible situation).

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