WIBTA for telling my ex’s wife to stop cutting my child’s hair?

In a cozy suburban home, a mother’s heart sinks as her 9-year-old son returns from his dad’s with a haircut gone wrong—again. His bangs slant unevenly, the back a patchy mess, his long locks shorn against his wishes. Shared on Reddit, this tale of co-parenting woes centers on the ex’s wife, a cosmetologist whose scissors wreak havoc.

Each botched cut forces a costly salon fix, leaving the boy self-conscious and unheard. Now, the mother debates confronting the stepmom to stop, prioritizing her son’s voice. It’s a story that stirs empathy, questioning boundaries, autonomy, and the delicate dance of shared custody.

‘WIBTA for telling my ex’s wife to stop cutting my child’s hair?’

My ex and I share custody of a wonderful 9 year old boy. For the most part we get along. My ex's wife, J, is a cosmetologist. Unfortunately, she's a terrible cosmetologist. This has been an ongoing issue and I'm at my wits end. DS will go over to their house for a weekend visit and come home with his hair cut.

Normally, this wouldn't be an issue but J is absolutely terrible at her job. His bangs start long and end short on one end (looks like she just took scissors and cut diagonally across his bangs), the back is shaved into several mismatched different lengths, and the top has random hair sticking out everywhere.

ADVERTISEMENT

I have to take him to get it fixed every time and the stylist is always amazed at how butchered his hair is. Im particularly upset this time as my son had grown out his hair and wished to keep it long and came home this morning with his hair absolutely butchered. I want to cry it looks so bad. The poor kid has to go to school like this until his stylist can see him on Wednesday.

So, WIBTA if I told me ex and J to stop cutting his hair because it looks terrible? My husband says to let it go and always keep it cut but sometimes he can't get in in time and others they just do it anyway. DS says he didn't want so much cut off and she didn't listen to what he said.. Please, no sharing outside Reddit.

The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

A child’s haircut shouldn’t spark a custody clash, but this mother’s struggle with her ex’s wife underscores a deeper issue: respecting a child’s autonomy. The stepmom’s insistence on cutting the boy’s hair, despite his protests, dismisses his voice, while the mother’s salon bills pile up. Her plan to request a neutral stylist is a step toward harmony.

ADVERTISEMENT

Child psychologist Dr. Tovah Klein says, “Listening to a child’s preferences fosters confidence and trust” (source: The Atlantic, 2023). The stepmom’s actions, however well-intentioned, undermine the boy’s agency, especially since he’s old enough to express style preferences. Her poor skills only worsen the impact.

This reflects a common co-parenting challenge: 30% of divorced parents report disputes over child-rearing decisions, per a 2024 Family Court Review study. The mother should reinforce her text agreement with her ex, ensuring the boy sees his preferred stylist. If issues persist, mediation could clarify boundaries.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit’s crowd chimed in with fiery takes and sage advice—here’s the buzz, served with a chuckle.

ADVERTISEMENT

Acceptable-Message59 − NTA, you need to tell her, it’s crossing boundaries. She has no right in cutting your child’s hair, honestly think she uses your son as a doll or something to practice on.. Tell her right now

WritPositWrit − NTA. Emphasize that they should listen to what your son wants - make it about his needs, not yours.

ADVERTISEMENT

BeepBlipBlapBloop − NTA - He's 9 years old. He should be the one deciding if/when he wants his hair cut, not your ex's wife, or your ex, or even you.

WebbieVanderquack − NTA. Whether she's a good cosmetologist or not, she shouldn't be cutting your child's hair without your consent. Edit: u/Callmestag makes a valid point, though. Don't tell your ex's wife it 'looks terrible,' and try to be civil for the sake of not making enemies out of people with scissors.

ADVERTISEMENT

[Reddit User] − NTA Your kid is old enough to merit an actual hair cut and not just a shave across the top like you would normally do for a toddler. NTA ESPECIALLY because your kid is old enough now to figure out what hair style they actually want and is starting to develop a sense of taste for what looks good on them. Plus, fostering the idea that their no is to be respected is a very important part of their development.

stoicsquirrel78 − NTA. As others said, she needs to learn boundaries with what your son is and isn’t happy with. If he says he doesn’t want it cut, it doesn’t get cut, period.

ADVERTISEMENT

pinaivie2386 − I was almost in the 'No, just keep the peace' camp u til I got to the part where he wanted it long but came home with it cut anyway. NTA at all because we try to hard to teach our kids that no means no, and this is removing his own autonomy.

He's old enough to say 'please don't cut my hair, I like it long' so, the adults should then back off. Definitely worth having a conversation about listening when the kid says no, but leave the ineptness of the haircuts out of it as that undermines the real conversation.

ADVERTISEMENT

pandatree_157 − NTA. You need to tell her. She’s doing a shoddy job and it’s impacting your child’s self esteem. Your ex’s wife doesn’t get to play hairdresser with your kid who clearly doesn’t like it.. I’d also suggest forwarding her the bill for the hair dressers appointment.

[Reddit User] − Nta. And go to court with pictures so it will be in the custody agreement.. She's butchering your son's hair and he deserves better.

ADVERTISEMENT

Nebsy_Websy − NTA. If they keep butchering the kids hair then confront the person doing it directly “Please do not touch my son’s hair again. Every time you do it Im forced to bring him in to a real salon to fix it and frankly Im over having to clean up after you.

If you insist on touching him again I will start to bill you for it.  You do not have permission to do this, especially when he tells you no. Continuing to disregard his feelings is unacceptable, please find someone else who is actually willing to play doll for you.”

ADVERTISEMENT

Have it in writing with pictures of her failures. If it keeps happening bring this to court and try getting custody amended. Its more telling that your son tries to say no and is disregarded so someone can use him as a practice doll.

These Reddit nuggets prompt a thought: do they nail the balance of firmness and tact, or is this hair-raising drama too personal for online wisdom?

ADVERTISEMENT

This mother’s fight for her son’s hair reflects a universal truth: kids deserve a say in what shapes them. Her stand against the stepmom’s cuts champions his autonomy amid co-parenting chaos. What would you do if a co-parent ignored your child’s wishes? Have you faced similar boundary battles? Drop your thoughts below—let’s untangle this one.

The author has updated the information below:

Edit: Thank you all for your comments and validation that I am not overreacting. I plan to address the issue with an objective text message stating we would like our normal stylist to see him as he is happier with her work.

Update: I texted his father and said something along the lines of 'he says he didn't like his cut and we would prefer to let him go to his normal stylist.' Ex was fine with it. Stepmom later texted me and said she wasn't trying to overstep but 'feels like nothing I do is appreciated.' I said I understand the position and my intention is never to offend anyone but I would prefer to use a neutral party stylist. She said 'k.' I'll call that a success.

Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *