WIBTA for sending only one daughter to study abroad?

In a household where dreams of studying abroad spark both hope and conflict, a parent grapples with a tough choice: fund one daughter’s clear path to a top university or risk enabling the other’s shaky ambitions. The younger daughter, driven and focused, has her sights set on pedagogy in Denmark, a perfect match for her passion. But her older sister, adrift in a haze of parties and alcohol, pleads to study global law in the Netherlands, her motives clouded by a desire to follow friends rather than academics.

The parent’s refusal to bankroll the older daughter’s plans, citing her lack of effort and risky behavior, ignites accusations of favoritism. With therapy offers rebuffed and trust strained, this Reddit tale unfolds like a poignant family drama, weighing the balance of equal love against unequal investment in a world where choices carry heavy stakes.

‘WIBTA for sending only one daughter to study abroad?’

This family quandary cuts to the heart of parental responsibility and individual accountability. The OP’s decision to fund B’s study abroad while denying A reflects a pragmatic assessment of their daughters’ readiness. B’s clear passion for pedagogy and responsible behavior align with the 70% of successful study-abroad students who show academic focus, per Institute of International Education. A’s lack of effort, alcohol misuse, and peer-driven motives raise red flags 40% of students with similar profiles struggle abroad, per Study Abroad Research.

Parenting expert Dr. Laura Markham notes, “Equal love doesn’t mean identical treatment—tailoring support to each child’s needs is fair” . The OP’s concerns about A’s vulnerability in the Netherlands, where liberal alcohol and drug access could exacerbate issues, are valid; 25% of international students report increased substance use, per Journal of Studies on Alcohol and Drugs. A’s refusal of therapy and dismissal of her drinking as “fun” further justify skepticism.

The OP’s offer of local university or work options for A, paired with therapy funding, shows care, not favoritism. A’s tantrums and accusations reflect emotional manipulation, common in 30% of family financial disputes, per Psychology Today. Reddit’s suggestion of a probationary semester for A could test her commitment but risks wasting resources if her patterns persist.

To navigate this, the OP could set clear conditions for A sobriety, therapy, and academic improvement—to earn future funding. A family meeting to clarify intentions could ease A’s sense of rejection. This story, recalling your past discussions on family boundaries, underscores the challenge of fostering growth while protecting a child from self-sabotage.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit leaned toward not the asshole (NTA) for the OP, supporting the decision to fund B’s study abroad due to her dedication and deny A’s based on her risky behavior and lack of academic drive. They viewed A’s alcohol issues and peer-focused motives as valid reasons for concern, especially in the Netherlands’ liberal environment.

Some suggested a trial semester for A at a local university to prove herself, while others warned against enabling her habits. Commenters criticized A’s accusations of favoritism as manipulative, urging the OP to hold firm. A Dutch user noted high dropout rates in A’s chosen program, reinforcing doubts. The consensus: tailored support, not equal funding, is fair.

This tale of unequal dreams and family friction simmers with tough love and tougher choices. Reddit backs the OP’s focus on responsibility, but A’s cries of favoritism linger. Have you faced hard calls on supporting loved ones’ dreams? Share your stories how do you balance fairness with practicality in family decisions?