WIBTA for Reporting My Son’s Girlfriend for Stealing $17K from Us?

Picture a cozy family lunch, laughter over takeout, and a credit card handed over for a quick payment. For one couple, this simple act spiraled into betrayal when their son’s girlfriend quietly added their card to her Apple Pay, racking up $17,000 in charges.

Months later, the discovery left them reeling—shocked not just by the theft, but by her brazen claim of entitlement. Now, with their son excusing her actions, they’re torn between family loyalty and teaching a hard lesson.

‘WIBTA for Reporting My Son’s Girlfriend for Stealing $17K from Us?

Our son and DIL (26 yo) have been together for 2 years and live together. We've always thought she' a very nice girl and she seems to make my son happy, so no problem from us. Our son has his own law firm that he’s currently trying to get started. We’re very proud of him, and we’re fortunate enough to help him with a start up loan. DIL works a retail job, that she’s very happy with.

Some time ago husband and I were over at their apartment and we decided to order some food. Husband and I wanted to pay, and since DIL were ordering from her phone we gave her our card so she could draw the money from our account. We thought it goes without saying this was to draw an amount once, for the lunch.

However DIL apparently put our card into her Apple Pay, and have been using it since. We didn’t notice for some months but recently saw withdrawals we didn’t recognize. We had our accountant look into it, and he discovered that 1) DIL has been using our card on her phone and that 2) she’s spend around 17K.

We were quite shocked and called her up and asked why the hell she’s been using our card. She got very defensive, tries to deny it and eventually said she was entitled to it, and why do we care since we haven’t noticed her use over 4 months. We told her she needed to pay us back immediately or we’d report her actions for theft.

She apparently doesn’t have the money to pay us back. We’ve gone to our son and he’s offered to pay us back even though he actually cannot afford to. This isn’t about the money for us, but more about the fact that she’s stolen a huge amount of money.

While we are comfortable and it took us time to notice, we still recognize the seriousness of stealing 17.000 USD. Our son has completely dismissed her behavior and excused it as her being stressed. She’s taken no responsibility, and we’re honestly wanting to go forward with the police report to teach her consequences to her actions. Would we be TA for doing this?. ​

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Edit: they aren't married, referring to her as DIL is just easier for the sake of storytelling.

Trust in families can shatter like glass when betrayal slips through. The girlfriend’s unauthorized $17,000 spending spree isn’t just a financial blow—it’s a deliberate breach of ethics. Her claim of “entitlement” and the son’s excuse of “stress” reveal a troubling lack of accountability. The parents’ urge to report her stems from a need to address this violation, but their son’s defense complicates the emotional stakes, risking family rifts.

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Dr. Jane Adams, a family dynamics expert, notes, “When trust is broken, consequences must follow to rebuild integrity.” The girlfriend’s refusal to own her actions escalates the conflict, while the son’s enabling could normalize harmful behavior. This mirrors wider issues of financial abuse in relationships, where trust is exploited for personal gain. The parents face a dilemma: protect their son’s relationship or uphold justice. Reporting the theft could deter future violations, but it may strain family ties.

Advice: A candid talk with their son, emphasizing the theft’s severity, could clarify boundaries. If the girlfriend shows remorse, a repayment plan might suffice; otherwise, legal action may be necessary.

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Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit’s got some spicy takes, hotter than a pizza fresh from the oven! The community rallied behind the parents, dishing out blunt advice and gasps at the girlfriend’s audacity.

Significant_Win6431 − NTA 17k in theft is 17k in theft.. Inexcusable behavior on her part.. Don't sue just report her to the cops.

NewfromNY − NTA. Your credit card will only reverse the charges if you file police report.. ​Edit - your son should make certain he is on solid birth control, I do not see this marriage lasting. If he is a lawyer, how can he tolerate a wife who steals.

Significant_Air_1227 − I work in law enforcement, if you report this to the police they will take a report and forward charges to the DA. Usually then the credit card cancels the debit portion as fraudulent. If you just chose to sue her civilly you will still be liable for the debt and even if you get a judgement she may not pay it. I wouldn't give her any special pass to avoid criminal charges.

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ParsimoniousSalad − NTA. She doesn't think stealing 17K is an issue and she's entitled to it?? Let the police convince her otherwise.

PerkyLurkey − NTA here’s your unhappy situation: you can either get the police involved, go nuclear, hope for a felony convection, hope your son wakes up with the humiliation and you save him.. OR. Wait the 10 years or so before your son comes to his senses and they get divorced (after 2 children and a mortgage) financially ruining your son for the next 20 years.. Those are your 2 choices.

Either go nuclear and fight like hell for him to wake the eff up, or let it go and be prepared for his ultimate ruination in 10 years. Personally, I would try everything in my power to save my son, even if it meant I could fail, and he wouldn’t talk to me for 10 years. It’s what parents do for their children. We try to save them, sometimes it means we need to run into a burning building.. So sorry

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Beep_boop_poop_boop − NTA. THE ENTITLEMENT. I do have to ask, was your son aware that this was happening before you approached him? Also, what was she spending it on? 17k is a hefty and brazen amount to spend in 4 months for someone who is used to retail salary.

facinationstreet − *Our son has his own law firm that he’s currently trying to get started*. *Our son has completely dismissed her behavior and excused it*. Your son has zero business being a lawyer.. NTA. You should file charges.

[Reddit User] − So she committed fraud and stole from u, and your son, who wants to be a lawyer, is defending her actions.. NtA.. I would sue in a heartbeat, and your son needs to open his eyes and close his.zipper.

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TrayMc666 − Absolutely NTA. She stole a lot of money from you. You might never get it back. Go the police. What she did was not ok, and she has no right to pretend it was.

Responsible_Lawyer78 − NTA. Where I'm from this is considered grand theft. Do not sue, contact the police immediately.

These comments hit hard, but do they see the whole picture? Reddit’s all-in on police reports, but family ties add layers of complexity.

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This $17,000 theft saga shows how fast trust can crumble when greed sneaks in. The parents’ push for accountability clashes with their son’s loyalty, leaving a family at a crossroads. Were they right to consider legal action, or should they let love soften the blow? Share your thoughts—what would you do if someone close swiped thousands from you?

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