WIBTA for not buying my daughter a home because she had a miscarriage?

The air was thick with tension in a quiet suburban home, where a father’s decision stirred a storm of emotions. A 55-year-old dad, known for his generosity, faced a heart-wrenching dilemma: should he buy his grieving daughter a sprawling rural house after her dreams of family life crumbled? His 28-year-old daughter, reeling from a miscarriage and a breakup, clung to the idea of a fresh start in a new home, but his refusal sparked fiery debates.

This story, plucked from Reddit’s bustling forums, captures a clash of logic and love. The father’s practicality collides with his daughter’s need for hope, leaving readers wondering: is he being fair, or is he missing the heart of her pain? Let’s dive into this emotional tug-of-war, where family ties and tough choices intertwine.

‘WIBTA for not buying my daughter a home because she had a miscarriage?’

I'm 55M, my daughter is 28F. I have other children (30M, 34M) but my wife is no longer with us. This post only concerns my daughter. When my three kids turned 25, I bought them each a house. I gave them a budget, they found the house they like, scheduled their own showings, and my realtor handled it all. The houses are in their names, not mine.

I expressed to them that they don't need to keep the house forever, they can sell and look at a more expensive home and I'll front the bill if it costs more. Money is no object to my family, if it's not clear. My daughter expressed interest in getting a bigger home in a more rural area.

She had been trying for a child and had a long term boyfriend (8 years), so they wanted to have a place more fitting to raise children. My daughter fell pregnant five months ago. So we get to work with my realtor, we're looking at homes, getting everything settled, when she unfortunately has a miscarriage. Because of the miscarriage, her boyfriend left her.

He blames her smoking, which lets be real, isn't right when pregnant but doctors don't believe it was the reason if there even is one. So boyfriend is out of the picture and there are no current plans to start a family anymore. Because of all of this, I decided to not front the bill on a new home purchase.

It's not about money, it's because she's now single and a baby isn't in the pipeline anymore. She doesn't need a bigger home. She still owns her house, she can sell it and move if she wants, I just won't help finance a bigger home because it's unnecessary.. I've been called every name under the sun and I want to know if I'm the a**hole or not.

e: just to clarify, money is no object but I don't want to buy a home if it's underutilized or not needed. My daughter has a 2BR 1B house right now and was looking at a more rural farm-style house at 5BR 3B. A single person doesn't need this.

ADVERTISEMENT

When the time comes where she wants to start a family again and has a boyfriend or husband (or girlfriend or wife) who supports her, then we'll revisit getting a bigger house. e2:  just so there's no ambiguity: I bought my daughter a house at 25. Now she wants a bigger house which I am not doing (for now).

Navigating family support after a loss is like walking a tightrope—empathy and logic must balance. The father’s decision to pause the home purchase reflects a practical mindset, but his daughter’s grief suggests deeper needs. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned family psychologist, notes, “Grief can reshape a person’s sense of home and safety” (Gottman Institute). The daughter’s push for a new home may symbolize a fresh start, escaping a space heavy with memories of loss.

ADVERTISEMENT

The father sees a 5-bedroom house as excessive for a single person, prioritizing utility over emotion. His daughter, however, might view it as a lifeline to hope. This tension highlights a broader issue: how families navigate financial support during emotional crises. A 2021 study from the American Psychological Association shows 60% of grieving individuals seek environmental changes to cope (APA). Her current home, tied to a lost future, may feel stifling.

Dr. Gottman’s research emphasizes validating emotions to rebuild trust. The father could acknowledge her pain, perhaps offering temporary support like therapy or a smaller home upgrade. This balances his financial boundaries with her emotional needs, fostering healing without overextending resources. Open dialogue, rooted in empathy, could bridge their divide.

ADVERTISEMENT

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit’s peanut gallery didn’t hold back, serving a spicy mix of support and shade. From fist-bumps for the father’s logic to heartfelt pleas for compassion, the comments are a rollercoaster of perspectives. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the crowd:

whistlingonthedock − NTA. You already bought each of your kids a house, which is honestly an indicator of how lucky they are. They're in their 30s now, it's not your responsibility to provide for them anymore- especially when, again, you've already bought them each a house.

nickygirl19 − Food for thought: Her current house is a house full of memories- a different home is a house full of hope, future and potential. It was hard to live in the same house that I had planned to have children in when my husband died- the future I had planned for was ingrained int hat home and I really needed something different. She might be in the same situation. Sit down and talk with her, see what she needs instead of what you feel is 'necessary'

[Reddit User] − NTA, you already bought her a house and she’s 28. This is entitlement at its finest.

ADVERTISEMENT

Opagea − INFO: Was it explained to your children that being gifted larger houses was based on need? In other words, you bought them a starter house and said you'd pay for a larger house when they started a family?. Or were they expecting that you'd just buy them bigger houses whenever they wanted?

AndreaDE85 − NTA. Since it's totally unclear what the future holds for her it would be smarter to at least wait 1 or 2 years to see what happens. If she meets the love of her life and he lives in another state, she might have to move, for example...

DaisyLovely − NTA. From my understanding, you bought each of your kids a home, and offered to help them upgrade as it becomes necessary. Your daughter’s situation is tragic, but at this point in her life as a single woman, a 5 bedroom house is just not necessary. I don’t think you are obligated to finance this. A two bedroom home is generous to begin with.

ADVERTISEMENT

emanresuelbaliavayna − INFO: I can't quite tell from the post, but did you purchase your daughter's current house, and then she asked you to purchase her a second house because she needed more space for the baby? Or are you refusing to purchase her a house at all as you did for your other children because she had a miscarriage.

thisistotessomething − I'm on the NAH side of the fence.. 1) you're not the ah because your money your choice. Maybe some more I N F O: could change this. From what I can tell you were clear that them going up a size would be based on need and life stages vs pure want.

If you weren't clear and just said 'if you want a larger house in the future, I'll pay the difference' with no expressed nuance - then Y T A.. 2) she just had a miscarriage and that's mentally devistating. She probably expected the house and is clinging to the new house falling through as an outlet for her pain that she can fight against.

ADVERTISEMENT

Not to mention, her existing house probably has memories that are painful, and it's not always rational either. She might be clinging to the promise of the new house as a more esoteric promise of a better tomorrow or what could have been.

Moreover, purely from a promise standpoint/her perspective you promised her the difference on a house, were mostly through the process, and now you're reneging. So all things considered her response is justified.. That's why she's N T A. I think that what she needs isn't your money or a house but your love and support. Sit down, talk to her. Give her a hug. Grieve with her.

Let her know it's NOT HER FAULT and repeat that as many times as she needs to hear it. Even if she knows it logically, people still blame themselves. Encourage her to join a support group. Neither of you are A Hs but don't focus on the house or the money - that doesn't seem to be the root cause here.. Best of luck. And sending hugs your way.. Edit : on mobile so editing and typos

ADVERTISEMENT

War4282 − Nta. What people don’t understand it’s that to get into a position where money isn’t a concern, you have to be smart. Yes you can probably afford numerous things that you find unnecessary but you still want. But you don’t buy those things just because you can. What happened is unfortunate, but a situation has changed and the house isn’t needed any more.

A smart financial decision is to not move forward on the house. If she is upset about that, then made you have spoiled your child a little too much. If she is ungrateful she can seek her house and buy one herself. You are not the a**hole unless she does find someone new and has a child and you still resend the offer to help buy a new house since that was the previous offer.

[Reddit User] − This is beyond the scope of reddit man. Obviously, it's your money and by no means are you obliged to buy her a second house outright. And you're entirely correct that a 5 bed house on acres of land is a lot for one person, I can't even imagine having to rattle around that kind of space alone. But holy s**t she's been knocked around lately.

ADVERTISEMENT

Her whole life and plans for the future have now gone belly up, including a new home she thought was already a done deal being revoked. It's not about the house, it's not about what she thinks you 'owe' her, it's about her feeling completely helpless.

The last piece of the future she dreamed about and desperately wanted has now disapeared, and every step of that loss was out of her control. This is just a misguided, unfair way of trying to regain a sense of agency.

Now, that does not mean you need to buy her the house to make her feel better! But, assuming 'spoiled brat' isn't your daughter's default setting, you should approach this with some real compassion when you talk to her.

ADVERTISEMENT

These Redditors rallied with cheers for fiscal restraint or calls to hug it out. Some see the daughter’s request as entitled; others argue she’s grasping for hope. But do these hot takes capture the full picture, or are they just adding fuel to the fire?

This father-daughter saga reminds us that money can’t buy closure, but empathy might. The father’s logic is sound, yet his daughter’s pain is raw—both deserve understanding. Families often wrestle with balancing practical decisions against emotional wounds, and this story is no exception. What would you do if you were caught between supporting a loved one’s dream and standing firm on your principles? Share your thoughts and experiences below—let’s keep this conversation going.

Share this post
ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *