Why Does My Friend Think It’s Disgusting That I Kiss My Husband?

In a sun-dappled kitchen, a mother of three pauses her chaotic day to rush toward the front door, her face lighting up as her husband steps inside. Their embrace is brief but tender, sealed with a kiss that speaks of years of love. This daily ritual, born from a moment of reconnection after their first child, is a cornerstone of their marriage. Yet, for one friend, this heartfelt gesture is not just odd—it’s downright “barbaric.”

This 32-year-old woman’s story unfolds with a sting of judgment from a close friend who scoffs at her habit of greeting her husband with hugs and kisses, even questioning cheek kisses as “pointless” for a romantic bond. The criticism has left her puzzled, clouding her joy with doubt. As she navigates this unexpected rift, her tale invites us to ponder: why does a simple act of love spark such disdain?

‘Why Does My Friend Think It’s Disgusting That I Kiss My Husband?’

I’ve (32F) been with my husband (33M) for 9 years. We got married on our second anniversary of dating and we have had two sons (6, 4) and a daughter (1) since. My husband works a corporate job and I’m a SAHM. I absolutely love my husband, I don’t know how to describe it but he’s everything and more I could possibly want in a husband and the father of my children.

In the first few months after our eldest’s birth, we were both very tired and exhausted and there was some growing resentment between us. During that time, one day, I randomly just hugged and kissed my husband the moment he got home from work. Something just clicked that day and I never stopped doing this.

Even two more kids later, it doesn’t matter if we’re having an argument or one of us is in a rush to go somewhere, I’m damn well going to hug and kiss my husband when he comes home from work and he always returns the favor if he’s home and I come back from brunch with my girlfriends or Pilates or wherever.

One of my girlfriends stops by once or twice a week on her way home from work and we’ll have a coffee and chat for a couple of minutes. Yesterday, for the first time, she was still at our place when my husband got home from work. As usual, I went to the door to greet my husband with a hug and a kiss.

Afterwards, he told me to go sit down with my girlfriend peacefully and he would watch the kids for however long. My girlfriend questioned what the hug and kiss was for and I just told her that it was something my husband and I do whenever one of us gets home from somewhere.

She thought I was joking and when she realized I was serious, she said it was b**baric and disgusting” and went on a tangent about how any affection should be “earned” and not just “given”. She left soon after and the only thought I had was “that explains why she can’t keep a man”.

Personally, I’ve come to see our routine as me leaning into my husband’s warm embrace knowing that he has my back however emotionally and/or physically tired I may be and him knowing that he always has a loving, peaceful home no matter how stressful work or any external influences may be.

I’m just wondering why my friend sees affection in this light and why she thought that a kiss and a hug between a husband and wife was disgusting. A few weeks ago, this same friend had an issue when I posted a picture on instagram of me kissing my husband on the cheek during a surprise mini-party I threw for his birthday.

She said that cheek kisses are strictly platonic and are pointless for a committed, romantic relationship. In my opinion, there aren’t any strict rules about what’s platonic and what’s romantic. I love kissing my husband on the cheek and he’ll often do the same to me.

I’m normally pretty good at keeping third parties out of our marriage but this friend’s contradictory and ridiculous statements are clouding my mind. How should I go about this? I have nothing against cutting her off, I just want an unbiased opinion.

This story highlights a fascinating divide in how people view affection. For this couple, a daily hug and kiss is a cornerstone of their bond, but their friend’s reaction suggests a transactional view of love. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, emphasizes the power of small gestures: “Successful couples build a culture of appreciation through everyday acts of kindness and affection” (The Gottman Institute). This aligns with the wife’s ritual, which fosters emotional security.

The friend’s belief that affection must be “earned” reflects a scarcity mindset, possibly rooted in past experiences or insecurity. Her criticism of cheek kisses as “platonic” ignores the fluidity of romantic expression. Relationship therapist Esther Perel notes that affection thrives on spontaneity, not rigid rules (Mating in Captivity). The friend’s stance may stem from jealousy or discomfort with vulnerability, projecting her own struggles onto the couple’s happiness.

This situation touches on a broader issue: societal expectations around public displays of affection (PDA). A 2019 YouGov poll found 57% of Americans are comfortable with couples kissing in public, yet opinions vary widely (YouGov). The friend’s discomfort may reflect personal biases rather than universal norms. Her reaction risks straining the friendship, as it dismisses the wife’s values.

For the wife, addressing this requires clear boundaries. She could calmly explain how the ritual strengthens her marriage and ask her friend to respect her choices. If the friend persists, distancing may be necessary to protect the wife’s peace.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

The Reddit community didn’t hold back, offering a mix of empathy, humor, and blunt advice. Here’s a peek at their candid takes—some spicy, some sweet, all served with a side of wit. After all, who knew a hug could spark such a debate?

bzno − She’s jealous probably

vikipedia212 − Damn ya friend’s giving bad advice, and you’re right, no wonder she’s single. I’ve always greeted my husband when he comes home from somewhere. Before Covid, I’d sometimes go meet him after work and walk home together if I were free. He does the same for me, when I come home from shopping or whatever, he’ll come help me bring in bags or whatever.

Imagine if affection were earned, did he not earn your affection by going out, putting his best in at work, for the sake of his family? My man sure did. Now that we both work from home, we check in with each other during the day, and affirm “I love you” many, many times during the day. Because…. We love each other?! And want to remind each other often! Honestly I’m sad for your friend, she has a lot of stuff to work out before she’ll allow herself to be happy.

penguinwife − This is completely absurd. Your friend should consider therapy to figure out what this line of thinking is rooted in inside her head. My husband and I will have our 9 year anniversary (also married on our second anniversary!), and we have always made sure to give the other a kiss and hug when leaving or returning home.

We give each other cheek and forehead kisses and other random affection throughout the day. I believe it helps us to stay close, to take the edge off bad days, and above all remind each other that no matter what else is happening in life and the world - we are a team and we have each other’s back.. Edit: autocorrected word

Suffering69420 − she said it was b**baric and disgusting” and went on a tangent about how any affection should be “earned” and not just “given”. What a sad, bitter human being. SHE is b**baric and disgusting. Her criticisms don't even make SENSE, is she saying any touch between a husband and a wife that isn't inherently s**ual in private is wrong?? wtf.

She said that cheek kisses are strictly platonic and are pointless for a committed, romantic relationship. Again, does she think married people just co-habitate unless it's for s**??? She sounds like a toxic, judgmental, exhausting person to be around.

Don't let her destroy the sweet moments you manage to have with your husband after years of marriage, those are what keeps it special. If anything, you should get rid of her toxic influences on your mind before she gets in your head over something so normal. I can't believe she's a real human.

princess_ferocious − Yeah, she's got weirdly transactional ideas about relationships if she thinks affection needs to be earnt. And cheek kisses are lovely. Early in my relationship my partner was sick, so to reduce the risk of me catching it as well, we switched to forehead kisses. And I have to say, if you like cheek kisses, you should get onto forehead kisses as well. Very few little gestures can make you feel as cherished and care for <3

Common_Astronaut4851 − She sounds jealous as f**k. It sounds like you have a lovely relationship and if she keeps up her attitude that affection has to be “earned” in a relationship she will sadly never have one for herself. Me and my partner do the same and always make sure to thank each other for the little things and we’re still madly in love 10 years in. The little things matter

Mean_Environment4856 − Thats one jealous and bitter 'friend' . Affection shouldn't be transactional.

TankFoster − How is this *any* of her f**king business?!

EllyStar − There are few phrases I hate more than “no wonder they’re single.” It’s so s**tty and judgmental and implies that there is something wrong with not having a partner.. But holy s**t. “Affection should be earned?!?!?!”. No wonder she’s single.. edit: typo

Towtruck_73 − If two people were kissing passionately to the point that clothes might be shed, she'd have a point. Sure some people might joke, 'get a room you two!' but save for your weird associate (I wouldn't call her a friend) nobody would object to a couple kissing. If I were you, I'd probably no longer associate with her, it's not worth the aggro.

But do these Reddit hot takes capture the full picture, or are they just fanning the drama? One thing’s clear: this friend’s got some soul-searching to do before she finds her own happily-ever-after.

This tale of a loving greeting turned friendship feud reminds us that affection is deeply personal, yet somehow invites everyone’s opinion. The wife’s devotion shines through her daily ritual, a testament to love’s enduring power, while her friend’s critique reveals more about her own heart than the couple’s. Whether it’s jealousy, rigid beliefs, or just a bad day, the friend’s words can’t dim this couple’s spark. But it does raise a question: how do we handle friends who judge our relationships? Readers, what would you do if a friend called your affection “disgusting”? Drop your thoughts below and let’s keep this lively chat going!

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