When Love Means Letting Go: A Pet Owner’s Heartfelt Lesson

‘LPT: When a pet has a mid to late-stage terminal illness, don’t go through brutal and extraordinary measures to extend it’s life too long. Especially cats. They cannot tell you they are suffering. Yes, we want more time with them. But not if they are hurting’

When your pet faces a terminal illness, consider letting them go peacefully at home instead of pursuing aggressive treatments. This approach prioritizes their comfort, sparing them pain and fear, ensuring their final days are filled with love rather than suffering.

This choice works because it respects your pet’s dignity and quality of life. First, pets like cats can’t verbalize their pain, so prolonged treatments like chemotherapy or daily IVs may hide their suffering while extending their life only marginally. In your case, both cats endured invasive procedures—endoscopies, needles, and pills—that likely caused distress, as seen in their weight loss and low energy.

Second, aggressive treatments often prioritize our desire for more time over their well-being. Your first cat’s year-long chemo and your second’s daily IVs led to painful complications like pancreatitis, showing how interventions can worsen suffering. By choosing a peaceful at-home passing, you avoid traumatic vet visits and let them stay in a familiar, loving environment. This compassionate choice ensures their final moments are calm, paving the way for a dignified farewell.

Beyond sparing pain, this approach offers emotional clarity. You avoid the regret of watching pets struggle, like gasping for breath, and instead create serene memories of their final moments. It also frees you from the stress of managing complex treatments, letting you focus on love.

Have you faced a similar decision with a pet’s terminal illness? How did you balance their comfort with your desire for more time? What would you do if you encountered this situation again? 

Deciding when to say goodbye to a pet is a gut-wrenching crossroads, where love and logic collide. The Reddit user’s story highlights the pain of watching their cats endure invasive treatments like chemotherapy and IVs, which often extended suffering rather than life. Veterinary experts emphasize that pets, especially cats, mask pain, making it crucial to prioritize their quality of life over our emotional needs.

Dr. Justine Lee, a veterinary specialist, notes in an article from PetMD, “Cats are stoic creatures, often hiding discomfort until it’s severe.” This aligns with the OP’s experience, where their cats’ weight loss and lethargy signaled unspoken distress. Lee’s insight underscores the need to assess subtle signs—like disinterest in food or litter box issues—over relying on our hopes for recovery.

The broader issue touches on society’s struggle with end-of-life care. A 2021 study by the American Veterinary Medical Association found that 70% of pet owners face guilt over euthanasia decisions, often prolonging treatment due to emotional attachment. This mirrors the OP’s regret over their cats’ prolonged suffering, highlighting a need for clearer guidance on quality-of-life assessments.

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To navigate this, experts recommend tools like Ohio State University’s Quality of Life Scale, which evaluates factors like appetite, mobility, and joy. For the OP, applying such a tool could have clarified when treatments became more harmful than helpful. Consulting a vet for blunt advice—asking, “What’s best for my pet?”—can cut through emotional fog.

Ultimately, choosing a peaceful at-home euthanasia, as suggested by commenters, offers pets a dignified exit. Services like Lap of Love provide in-home euthanasia, ensuring comfort in familiar surroundings. Readers can explore these options and share their thoughts below to help others facing this heartrending choice.

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See what others had to share with OP:

The Reddit thread buzzed with raw, heartfelt responses—some tearful, some laced with bittersweet humor. Here’s a glimpse into the community’s hot takes:

remberzz − Could not agree more. Lifesaving measures are more often for us ('But I can't bear to let him/her go!!') than for the pets themselves.

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slctommy − I’m so sorry for your loss! Thank you for your honesty and sharing your story to help others. My cat Fatty had kidney failure and we gave him meds and subcutaneous fluids for a couple months. He was so skinny and lethargic and our friend who was the director of an animal welfare nonprofit was incredibly supportive and honest.

She said that when cats are old and sick and stop doing cat things, like not going in the litter box, that’s a sign they’re really suffering. So one evening, Fatty got up and was walking really weird and his bowels were releasing. So I called one of the home euthanasia services our vet had recommended and explained what was happening.

The woman was so incredibly kind. She said it sounds like you’re making the right decision, but I was still unsure because Fatty laid down again and seemed fine. And I asked how do you know the right time? She replied, “it sounds like Fatty’s time is close and it is so much better to do it a week too soon than a day too late.”

That brought me so much comfort because I knew he wasn’t going to get any better. The next day, the vet came and put Fatty to sleep in my arms. I loved that cat so much and I know I did the right thing and it was so hard.

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shellexyz − It’s the hardest thing we have to do. We let one of our dogs linger with a terminal cancer for too long. Should have put him to sleep several months earlier than we did. Our second, she was smiling and wagging on the way to the vet’s, even though she had stopped eating the day before. She couldn’t believe her good fortune that she was going for a car ride.. Thanks. Now I’m crying.

becelav − To add to this, if your vet can come to your house to put them down, please do that. They will be surrounded by their loved ones in the place they are most comfortable.

AnnaMPiranha − Ohio State Vet school has a quality of life assessment that you can download. I found it very helpful l

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macsta − Much the same applies to humans, in a rational world. We shouldn't make people suffer, just to appease our superstitions.

abowwowser − How do you know when tho? My dog was diagnosed with heart failure is on meds and having trouble breathing most days… but he still seems sooo HAPPY. Very food driven, excited to go on walks even if he is choking the entire time. Im not sure how to know when unless he really declines I feel inhumane because he has so much energy still. My vet also won’t put him down and made me feel like an a**hole for even bringing it up. I feel like I’m just suppose to suffer alongside him until he has a heart attack or something. :/

aeboco − And if you are ever uncertain, your vet should be willing to help advise you. Questions to consider asking:. 1. If this were your pet, what treatment would you choose and why?. 2. I'm understanding that the biggest concern is X (example, managing pain), is there anything else I should consider?. 3.

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What would be the best likely treatment for my pet long term/overall and why? And for the love of God, if it applies, don't be afraid to say something along the lines of 'I know you are trying to be sensitive but I don't often understand subtleties. Please speak bluntly so I can be sure I understand the situation'. Your pet depends on you, make sure you're doing the best you can.

ZoarialBarley − Thank you for this!! I just had to take my 23 year old cat to the vet to be put to sleep on Monday. They were so kind, and before I even voiced my concern that I was jumping the gun the vet assured me it was time.

The signs: She had (over the past year) gradually lost interest in cleaning herself, eating foods she had previously loved, and finally using the litterbox. She cried during the night until we called out to her that it was okay, we were here. We washed her bottom every day, kept trying different foods to find something she liked. The litterbox was the last indicator.

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The adult kids came to say goodbye, and on Sunday she had a spa day. Thank goodness she had loved baths since she was a tiny kitten!. See you someday in the Summerlands,. Barney (Barnadette) March 1998 - August 2021

mkohn773 − I usually decide after asking the vet about the quality of life for my pet. What can I reasonably expect going forward? If there is no hope of our pet getting better and he is going to be suffering from here on out, then our pet does not deserve that kind of life. I always do what is best for my pet not what is best for me.

For example, my dogs throughout my life, have always shown me unconditional love ( my cat too) so I refuse to let them keep on suffering. If all they have to look forward to is suffering, that is not what I want for my pet. They deserve unconditional love and at that point in life, I feel I need to let them go. I spend a little time thanking them and reminding them how much they are loved.

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I take them to the vet and have them euthanized. I stay with them until the end, petting them and letting them go with feeling loved the whole time. That is how I do it. Is it painful for me? Yes, very much so. I just think this is the loving thing to. Part of loving an animal is knowing when to let them go. Just my two cents.

These Reddit gems show the messy, emotional reality of pet loss. But do they reflect every pet owner’s truth, or are they just the loudest voices in the room?

The Reddit user’s story and the community’s responses remind us that love sometimes means letting go. Choosing a peaceful farewell over prolonged suffering is a final gift to our pets, wrapped in courage and heartbreak. Have you faced this decision? How did you weigh your pet’s comfort against your longing for more time? Share your stories below—what would you do in this situation?

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