What to say to my (32F) neighbour (32F) who blew up on me 2 years ago and is now apologizing (because she misses my husband)?

In a sunny suburban backyard, a 32-year-old woman tenses as her phone pings. Two years ago, her neighbor—a former friend—hurled vicious insults, including a slur, and confessed a crush on her husband. Now, with spring in bloom, the neighbor’s back, texting for an “apology” meetup.

The woman’s not buying it; she suspects a ploy to cozy up to her husband again. Bracing for a fence-line showdown, how will she dodge this drama? Readers, buckle up for a tale of betrayal and boundaries.

‘What to say to my (32F) neighbour (32F) who blew up on me 2 years ago and is now apologizing (because she misses my husband)?’

My husband and I moved into our house 3 years ago and instantly became very close friends with the neighbours (husband and wife) that we share a backyard fence with. Long story short, 2 years ago the wife blew up at me, called me a bunch of stuff I can never forgive (including 'useless cunt'), and also made it clear she is into my husband (hindsight being 20-20 we both now see signs had been there).

The day after she sent me an 'apology' text which was a non-apology basically saying 'I meant what i said but I shouldn't have said it.' . She asked if we could still be friends, I declined and she blew up on me again.. A few months after our friendship ended, she blew up her own life and left her husband and kids.

I had heard they may be trying to get back together but didn't concern myself with their life. My husband has kept a larger distance but still hangs out with the husband once in a while, a beer here and there, some projects together in the garage (note - the neighbour wife loves garage projects and used to love hanging out during this).. So, this takes us to the issue.

Yesterday, my husband went over there for a beer. I told him to have fun. An hour later I get a text from the wife. It basically says 'I know I said rude things to you in the past, I was wondering if I can apologize to you in person. Let me know when you're free to meet.' This isn't rocket science. I knew right away that she needs something. She misses being able to hang with my husband.

Maybe she wants her old life back. My husband came back and I said 'let me guess, wife is there?' He confirms she was and that they are back together, and that she was apparently pissed off that she couldn't hang in the garage with them. Could she be more obvious? Anyway, I don't owe her my time, I have zero interest in giving her space in my life, and even if i was interested, I can't trust her.

So I'm not going to reply. However, I do believe she will eventually see my in my yard now that spring is here and try to have this conversation with me in person. She has a history of being polite until she is told no, and she has a victim mentality, so I want to approach this in a very clear way without giving her ammo to sat I wronged her somehow. Can anyone help me come up with a sort of 'script' if/when she tries to say all of this to me in person?

Neighborly drama can flare hotter than a backyard grill. This woman faces a manipulative ex-friend’s apology, dripping with ulterior motives. The neighbor’s past insults, including a vicious slur, and her crush on the woman’s husband broke all trust. Now, her “sorry” seems like a ploy to worm back into garage hangouts, not genuine remorse.

A 2021 study in Social Psychology Quarterly (Source) notes toxic friendships rarely heal without real accountability. The neighbor’s track record—fake apologies and volatility—shows she’s chasing access, not forgiveness. Her victim mentality only complicates things.

Dr. Harriet Lerner, a psychologist, advises, “A true apology shows remorse and a plan to change” (Source). This neighbor’s words lack both, confirming the woman’s distrust. She’s wise to guard her peace.

A clear boundary is key: “I appreciate it, but I’m not open to reconnecting.” Her husband should avoid their chaotic household, perhaps hosting the neighbor’s husband instead.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

The Reddit crew brought their A-game, dishing out wit and warnings like a backyard potluck. Here’s what they had to say:

Glassgrl1021 − I love how she thinks that apologizing to you will mean your husband will immediately be cool with her too. As if this is all your fault and he’d otherwise have no issue with her insulting his wife. I would just politely say “not interested, but thanks” and ignore her.

Snowybird60 − I think I'd be having a discussion with your husband about how he plans to handle the situation. After all it's him she's interested in.You're just a means to get at him because without your 'friendship' she has little to no access to him. Honestly, it sounds like the whole situation with them is messy at best and maybe you should try to make other friends and ditch her and her husband.

sanguinepsychologist − “I appreciate your apology, but I’m not interested”.. You’re totally right - you owe this woman nothing. Your husband really should stay away from all that drama unless he’s ready to tackle on the inevitable accusations of extramarital wrongdoings a woman like that will be ready to spin given the history of her infatuation and character.. I wouldn’t entertain that couple at all. No friendship is worth so much potentially hazardous drama in your marriage.

[Reddit User] − I would go no contact… This is unhealthy and frankly I’m disgusted. She’s out here pining for your husband while she is working things out with her own husband. She’s also very obsess with you all. I hope your husband is clear on what she had said to you and will be staying far away…

The whole thing gives me the ick. And fear that if this one is pushed to her limit, she might try something crazy. Just to clarify, when I say “no contact”, I mean hubby not going over the crazy woman’s place to hang, blocking her number, etc. Just cause your neighbours does not mean you can’t go no contact. You sure can.

mid-night_gem − Both you and your husband need cut off any friendship you have with this couple. My husband would have had to climb over my dead body to hang out with your neighbor after his wife insulted me the first time. The wife has already expressed a s**ual interest in your husband and I would not put it above her to try to entice him into something, lie about an encounter with him, or falsely accuse him of something.

Purple-Rose69 − Personally, I wouldn’t even acknowledge her presence. She can talk all she wants on her side of the fence, but that doesn’t mean you have to stop and listen. Just pretend she is nothing more than an annoying bug buzzing around and picture yourself with a giant fly swatter smashing that bug into the ground and then squishing it with your shoe.

Okay, well maybe not….the expression on your face would give it away 😄 Seriously though, your husband should probably not go there anymore and if he wants to maintain a friendship with the husband, maybe just invite the husband over for guy time in your garage. But he needs to make it clear that she is not welcome. EVER.

[Reddit User] − I don’t see why your husband doesn’t deal with this, it’s great he was still occasional friends with the husband who also WAS a victim of this woman. The husband, a full on adult, has now made his choice to take the crazy back, and that comes with consequences that should involve you and your husband going no contact.

He needs to tell the husband it won’t be hanging out she why, and he also needs at the same time to let the wife know he doesn’t want to see her and she needs to also leave him alone. It seems like everyone thinks this is an OP request but it should come from husband too.

Typical_Agency8984 − Your husband needs to stop going over there. If the neighbor wants to hang out he can come over to your house.

WinterFront1431 − Now they are back together husband needs to not go over there... She is a pick me and is trying to f**k your husband... Also saying sorry and then saying I ment what I said is not an apology 🙄 Husband has to cut her husband off now they are back together

and of she approach you outside either keep walking or simply say.. ' I don't have to accept you apology just because your desperate to f**k my husband, now stop harassing us or I'll get the police involved'. Or simply... ' right ok thanks, but I think it's best we don't engage anymore going forward.. take care'. And then walk off

Quiet-Hamster6509 − Tbh if it was me, I'd say 'no need to apologise, you've apologised before . Whether or not it was genuine, I'm not interested in resuming a friendship and we wish you the best of luck'.

These spicy takes beg the question: is Reddit’s no-nonsense advice the key to dodging drama, or just fuel for the fence-line fire?

This backyard saga leaves us wondering how to fend off a neighbor with a knack for chaos. The woman’s resolve to guard her peace is a masterclass in self-respect, but the looming shadow of a confrontation keeps us on edge. Have you ever faced a fake apology from someone with an agenda? What’s your go-to move for shutting down drama without catching flak? Drop your stories and strategies below—let’s dish on keeping the peace.

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