Want to play favourites with my sister? I’ll play favourites with parents?

A 17-year-old girl was upset when her mother failed to give her a birthday gift for the third year in a row, while giving her younger sister £20 just 13 days earlier. Living with her grandparents, she typically brings chocolate cake slices to her parents the day after her birthday. This year, she decided to give a slice only to her dad, who gifted her a desired cosplay, to mirror her mother’s favoritism toward her sister. Her mom sulked, while her dad enjoyed his cake with a grin.

Wondering if she was petty, she sought online opinions. The community supported her, calling her mom unfair and encouraging her to favor her dad and grandparents.

‘Want to play favourites with my sister? I’ll play favourites with parents?’

She discovered her mom gave her sister a gift but not her, for the third year running.

She lives with her grandparents and shares cake with her parents post-birthday.

She gave cake only to her dad, leaving her mom out, who sulked while dad grinned.

Is it wrong to give cake only to your dad to mirror your mom’s favoritism toward your sister?

The core issue is parental favoritism and expressing justified disappointment. The mother’s failure to give her 17-year-old daughter a birthday gift for three consecutive years, while giving her younger sister £20, shows clear unfairness, causing emotional hurt. The daughter’s choice to give chocolate cake only to her dad—who treated both siblings equally—is a fair way to express her disappointment and set boundaries with her mom.

Dr. John Gottman, a family dynamics expert, emphasizes, “Fairness and respect in how parents treat their children are foundational to healthy relationships” (The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, 1999). Her action is a legitimate expression of hurt but risks escalating conflict if unresolved. The mom needs to acknowledge the impact of her favoritism and apologize, committing to fairer treatment.

The daughter should have an open conversation with her mom, expressing feelings of being overlooked and requesting equal treatment. If the mom doesn’t change, the daughter is justified in continuing to set boundaries, like favoring her dad or grandparents. Long-term, she should focus on positive relationships (with her dad and grandparents) and seek healing from her mom’s favoritism.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

The online community supported the daughter, calling her mom unfair and encouraging her to continue favoring those who treat her well.

Users praised her for giving cake only to her dad and suggested similar responses.

Users proposed continuing to favor her dad or grandparents to express disappointment.

Users criticized the mom’s unfairness and praised the dad and grandparents.

The online community agreed she’s not wrong for giving cake only to her dad, seeing it as a fair response to her mom’s favoritism. They criticized the mom for unfairness and encouraged favoring those who treat her well, like her dad and grandparents, while suggesting creative ways to express disappointment.

Parental favoritism can deeply hurt children. Responding by setting boundaries, like favoring those who treat you fairly, is a valid way to express feelings. However, open communication is needed to resolve family conflicts and improve relationships.

What do you think about responding to parental favoritism by excluding them from gestures of affection? How can favoritism in families be addressed without escalating conflict? Share your thoughts!