Update to AITAH for refusing to go to confession so I can take communion in my Brother’s wedding?

Jonathan Hours
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A family lunch at Grandma’s house turned into a showdown that could rival a soap opera’s season finale. Emma, the bride-to-be, stood firm, her voice sharp as she insisted her future sister-in-law bend to her wedding demands. The air crackled with tension, plates of half-eaten snacks forgotten, as one woman’s refusal to confess sparked a firestorm. Caught in the crosshairs was the OP, a 31-year-old who just wanted to support her younger brother Luke’s big day—without sacrificing her personal beliefs.

The story unfolds in a tight-knit Catholic family, where faith is more tradition than dogma for most. Emma’s insistence on communion feels less about spirituality and more about control, leaving the OP to navigate a minefield of family loyalties and bruised egos. Readers can’t help but wonder: when does a wedding stop being a celebration and start becoming a power play?

For those who want to read the previous part: AITAH for refusing to go to confession so I can take communion in my Brother’s wedding?

‘Update to AITAH for refusing to go to confession so I can take communion in my Brother’s wedding?’

Things have moved but I wouldn't call any of this a positive progress.  I would like to clear something I kept seeing in the comments. I won't request a special blessing or go in the queue for communion, it isn't about the blessing or the compromise but the singling me out. I often just stay quiet or take a general family blessing if we go to weddings, etc.

I have no issue with compromises I have an issue with Emma and her ridiculousness. I don't know why she has this thing with me, I do look young but not like a teen or a child obviously. She has 2 younger sisters and is very authoritative with them, I have witnesses her being very my way or the highway with younger people so she has issues for sure. 

The confrontation from the last post was on Tuesday and today we had lunch at my Grandma's. I think you should also know that my brothers have a tricky relationship, as in they are not as close with each other as they are with other siblings. My older brother 'Robert' is very no nonsense and he has never been a fan of Emma but he didn't think he should have to intervene because Luke is an adult and capable of navigating relationships.

All this is gonna be relevant I promise.  We visit Grandma a lot since she lives by herself and we truly enjoy her company. Today we were all there because she is over this drama already. After a lunch, that was more like snacking to be honest, she asked us all to clear the air. Emma continued with her rant about me being a disrespectful person and that she was asking the bare minimum from me.

My Grandma asked her why she had no issue with her not taking communion and Emma said that she was her elder and for sure her reasons were more than a tantrum like it was in my case. She also repeated that she was asking this of all the siblings and I was the only one that was being difficult with her tiny request.  This is where everything crumbled for her.

I mentioned in the comments that Robert is also lapsed and he was already exhausted by this situation. He asked her why she had no issues with him not taking communion and she looked like a kid that was caught. She didn't have a proper answer. Robert then asked her if she even knew why he and Grandma became lapsed.

She shook her head and looked at Luke for help, Luke on the other hand was staring angrily at Robert and I but said nothing.  Robert explained to Emma he was the reason Grandma became lapsed. When Robert was a teen he came out as gay and was so worried about our Grandparents reaction since they were very active in the Catholic church.

Grandma felt awful about it and even worse when she went and spoke about this with the then Priest of her Church, that Priest was super old school and told her that Robert was committing sins, he was going to hell, he needed to find his way, the whole nine yards. Grandma didn't take that so well and simply stopped going to Church and started spending that time with her grandchildren.

Over the years she started getting into the whole community again but she decided she was done taking the sacraments, she respects parts of the church but can't fully reconcile with it. Emma was a bit confused since Robert is married to a woman and he explained he is bisexual and ended up with a woman just as he could have ended with a man.

He also commented they are not married in the church but that didn't matter to her like it mattered when it came to me. He asked her directly what was her problem with me. Long story short, she said I was rude since the beginning and kept treating Luke wrong. Oh and I also was very snarky about looking younger than her. Crickets.

She is a beautiful successful woman so I still don't understand her obsession but it seems like she wants people to see I respect her and what she says. I just started laughing, she started crying and saying I turned my Grandma against her. My Grandma told her to stop blaming people for her being a negative person and she was always going to side with me over her.

Luke got upset at that and asked her why she was not supporting him and she simply said she doesn't support him being a lap dog for a crazy woman.  More was said, nothing got truly resolved. I was kind of invited again but declined going, Grandma is undecided if she even wants to go at all. My older siblings told Luke they will go to the ceremony if he seeks couples therapy or at least therapy.

My parents are having headaches and now dislike Emma so much they can't hide it. Oh! And yes Grandma spoke with the Priest and he wants them to do extra premarital counseling or he won't officiate. I hope they don't get married but he is old enough to derail his life if he wants. I thank you for letting me vent and my Grandma loved the Pope joke!

The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

Emma’s wedding demands might seem like quirky bride behavior, but they hint at deeper issues of control. The OP’s refusal to confess isn’t just about skipping a ritual—it’s a stand for personal autonomy. Emma’s fixation on enforcing communion, especially on the OP alone, screams of a need to assert dominance, particularly over someone she perceives as a rival.

This situation mirrors broader family dynamics where boundaries get blurry. According to a 2023 study from the American Psychological Association, 68% of family conflicts stem from unmet expectations around roles and respect (apa.org). Emma’s insistence on the OP’s compliance, while ignoring others’ lapsed practices, suggests a targeted power move. Her discomfort with the OP’s youthful appearance and confidence might fuel this clash, as insecurity often breeds control.

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, once said, “Control in relationships is a sign of mistrust, not strength” (gottman.com). Applying this to Emma, her demands reflect a lack of trust in the family’s acceptance of her authority. Instead of fostering unity, she’s alienating key players, risking her own wedding’s harmony. The OP’s choice to stand firm, backed by Grandma and Robert, shows a healthy boundary-setting that Emma could learn from.

For the OP, staying true to her beliefs is key. She might consider a calm conversation with Luke, emphasizing love for him over conflict with Emma. For Emma, therapy—solo or couples—could unpack her need for control. Readers, what’s your take? How do you handle family demands that cross your lines?

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

As expected, the Reddit community has weighed in with a mix of humor and sympathy. Some commenters applaud the defiant stance, celebrating the sister’s refusal to be controlled by rigid expectations. Others express concern about the escalating family drama and the long-term impact it might have on the wedding and family unity.

A recurring sentiment appears to be the support for family members setting boundaries, even if it means ruffling a few feathers—especially when personal autonomy is at stake. The online commentary ranges from witty jabs at Emma’s authoritative demeanor to heartfelt appeals for the family to seek mediation before irreparable damage is done.

K_A_irony − LOL .. well I hope for your brother's sake that the extra premarital counseling results in him rethinking his plan to marry Ms Entitled and Controlling. Good luck to you!

ReferenceOk7162 − NTA, it’s a personal decision to take communion or not. Emma is TA for not respecting your choice and trying to force you to. I actually declined communion at my own wedding due to being on birth control for a legit medical need. The priest offered me a special dispensation for the day and I told him that I did not want one. I’m on this medication for endometriosis and adenomyosis, and I refuse to feel guilty about it. I don’t think God expects me to either.

Shelly_895 − Grandma should've pointed out that you are her elder as well, so she should respect you, too.

Beautiful_mistakes − Grandma “doesn’t support him being a lap dog for a crazy woman.”Is my all time favorite line.

I_wanna_be_anemone − Religious control freak attempts to use religion to control other people. . Grandma: not today b**ch For real it’s hysterical that even the priest is now extremely concerned about the wedding going forward. Go grandma, and kudos to that priest for actually putting people’s wellbeing first. 

Big_lt − Your brothers a GOAT and your grandma calling Emma out was chefs kiss Also, wtf is this senior s**t? You're all adults and can make your own decisions. Should I , as a man, tell Emma she needs to STFU because of patriarchy. Also, aren't you her 'elder' as well? B**ch needs a serious attitude adjustment

Owenashi − I hope you're not too worried about what set Emma off against you. She either latched onto some moment between you and took it the wrong way or it was

DaisySam3130 − u/orneryBookkeeper8115 Please tell your Grandma that we all love her now!

Fickle_Toe1724 − I'm glad grandma spoke to the priest. Extra counciling will be good for them. I hope it lets your brother see how manipulative and controlling Emma is . I think I like your Grandma. She is a smart one.

Crafty_Special_7052 − Go grandma! Lol your brother really needs to come to his senses and d**p Emma. Hopefully the extra premarital counseling will help him realize he needs to end things

This updated chapter in the family saga underscores how unresolved past issues and inflexible attitudes can turn even a routine family gathering into a battleground. What started as a disagreement about religious rituals has expanded into a full-blown confrontation that touches on deeply personal histories and the struggle for self-determination. While some family members advocate for compromise—such as counseling and mediation—the core of the dispute remains a clash between tradition and personal choice.

As the wedding looms closer, one must wonder: How can a family reconcile diverging beliefs without losing the essence of their shared identity? What steps can be taken to ensure that love and respect prevail over rigid expectations? The conversation is far from over, and readers are invited to share their thoughts and experiences. What would you do when personal convictions ignite old family wounds?

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