[UPDATE] My(30M) GF(32F) of 6 months has changed her behaviour recently and I want to leave?

Picture a quiet apartment, where a 30-year-old man stands firm, his heart racing as he prepares to end a relationship that’s dimmed his spark. For months, his girlfriend’s demands to ditch his cherished band T-shirts and chase a job he doesn’t want chipped away at his identity, leaving him anxious and isolated.

When she storms in, unaware of his resolve, he seizes the moment to break free, reclaiming his style and self. Was he right to end it decisively, or did he miss a chance for compromise?Let’s dive into this Reddit update, where a breakup becomes a bold step toward freedom.

For those who want to read the previous part: Original post

‘[UPDATE] My(30M) GF(32F) of 6 months has changed her behaviour recently and I want to leave?’

Some things I want to address first: * I work at the same place I have done for years because of my anxiety, I know how to do everything at my job and it helps me feel grounded and not worry. When I said I'm basically a manager, I mean that I do sometimes fill in shifts and responsibilities for them, and we have talked about me officially being manager before, but it's not what I want.

I don't want to take my work home with me and never be able to switch off like I see some of them do. That said, I do want to have some more ambition in my life going forward, and I am going to be looking at other ventures. * My clothes: My band clothes are now back at my house, I still have the new clothes we bought as I paid for a lot of them and I plan to continue wearing them too.

I can see what she meant by wanting me to wear new clothes, I just didn't like her end goal or the way she went about it. For the people thinking I dress like those goth people dancing under a bridge, I don't. It's usually just a band tee/jumper with some normal jeans, I'm not a teenager, just a 30yo who still loves the same band haha. (No hate to those dancing goths, I love that meme)

OK so on to the main story. I took advice from some of the responses to the OP, we live separately so there wasn't any issues with leases, but I did change my lock as I had given her a key a few months ago. As for the breakup, it didn't go well, but it did go at least. I was at home thinking of how to do it, which cafe/restaurant I was gonna do it in etc.

She finished work and came to mine without any prior discussion, not out of the ordinary to be fair. Anyway she could tell something was off, and because I'd been thinking about it all for hours I was 150% sure I wanted to do it so just did it here instead. I first told her that I had lied about donating my clothes and that I'd actually taken them to work instead.

She was angry and calling me a liar and everything. I apologized for it, and tried to explain that I felt a lot of unfair pressure to get rid of them when I didn't really want to and my collection wasn't hurting anyone. I don't really feel that the argument was fair, and I feel that her actions made me lie to her, but I hate saying stuff like that so I just left it and moved on.

I then told her I was really annoyed about her calling my boss, she said she was sorry but I should be a manager, I said that's OK and she looked confused but accepted it I guess. Then I just said I didn't wat to be with her anymore because she actually had given me a second to speak. She looked shocked and asked me what I meant.

I just said I didn't want to be with her anymore, and that I wanted her to leave and would be changing my locks but was open to calling to messaging about picking up her stuff. She said stuff like we don't have to break up but I kept saying my mind is made up and technically we already had, she called me pathetic as she walked out the door and slammed it behind her.

This was the other day, I haven't heard from her but I sent her a message about picking up her stuff, there isn't much of it here so maybe she doesn't want to? Anyway, since then, I called my boss to explain that situation and be wary of any contact from her, we've worked together for years and we're good friends so he was very understanding and said if I need help in anyway he'll try to provide it.

We go for drinks often with other colleagues so I'll explain it all to them there probably. As for me, like I said above, I do want to work on myself a bit, partly because of the things she said, but not for the same reasons, just for me to grow a bit in terms of work experience and fashion sense.

I'll be buying more 'smart causal' clothes to wear as well. I don't think I'll ever fully stop wearing the band clothes though hahahaha. I don't quite know what I want to do in terms of work, but I have the experience of team work and leadership from the store which I think is usable and transferable to other jobs too.

I'm feeling weird, but OK, it feels great to have acted decisively, I haven't felt sad yet, not happy either just relieved mostly. Some of her stuff is still here and it feels weird to see it knowing it'll never be that way again, I don't know how to describe that feeling. Anyway I've spoken to friends about it and will be seeing them soon.

Idk what she's been up to or what she'll do, not sure if I want to, there's nothing left for me with her anyway. Just wanted to thank everyone for their kind words in the OP, it felt really good to know I wasn't being treated fairly and I wasn't just being stupid like she said.

Some even messaged me with similar stuff or how much they liked their partners with similar habits to my band clothes which was really nice. One of the reasons I still wear the band tees is sometimes other fans spot them and we'll have a nice conversation about it and always end the conversation smiling haha, it's just nice.. 

Breaking up is never easy, but this man’s decisive exit from a controlling relationship marks a triumph of self-respect. His girlfriend’s relentless push to reshape his wardrobe and career—culminating in her calling his boss—crossed critical boundaries. Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman emphasizes, “Mutual acceptance is the foundation of lasting partnerships” (The Gottman Institute). Her behavior, from insults to dismissing his feelings, revealed a lack of respect, while his lie about the clothes reflected a desperate bid to preserve his identity.

This situation highlights a broader issue: controlling partners can erode mental health. A 2022 study in the Journal of Social Psychology found 60% of people in controlling relationships experience heightened anxiety (Taylor & Francis Online). The man’s relief post-breakup signals he dodged a toxic cycle. His choice to keep both his band tees and new clothes shows balanced growth, not capitulation.

Dr. Gottman advises “rebuilding self-esteem through supportive networks.” The man’s reconnecting with friends and planning personal growth—like exploring new work ventures—aligns with this. His anxiety, possibly tied to undiagnosed OCD, could benefit from professional support, as Reddit suggested.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit rallied with cheers and wisdom, celebrating the man’s bold move and offering tips for his next steps. Here’s the community’s vibrant response to this breakup saga.

ughneedausername − Not everyone wants to move up in their career. That’s ok. If you can make what you need, then that’s fine. Not everyone is cut out to be a manager. Do what you want. I’m glad you’re rid of your girlfriend. She was toxic and so negative. She wanted to change you to her vision of what you should be, not what you actually want.. ETA: thanks for the awards!!!

[Reddit User] − I just read your original post and good riddance! I'm a manager (really wish I wasn't!) and you can pry my ridiculous metal tee's out of my cold, dead hands. Good on you for wanting to update where appropriate, but controlling your wardrobe is controlling/abusive behavior 101.

You do that kind of thing--wardrobe or jobs--on YOUR terms, no one else's. Like strive for improvement for sure, but not because someone you're dating for less than a year strong-arms you into it.. Seriously, good job standing your ground and making it happen. That was going to turn into something miserable, fast.

HelpfulName − I think the fact that you've been left feeling a bit feeling-less about the relationship actually being over in the days since it's done and mostly just relieved really shows how bad it was on some pretty deep levels and that you absolutely did the right thing in breaking it off.

Also sounds like you've taken some good out of it in the changes you want to make for yourself, growth is always good. You don't need to make huge dramatic changes for growth to happen, but you're at an age that the small steps you're thinking of will have a pay off for you down the road even just in giving your social life a little lift.

As for band clothes... you don't have to give them up to be a bit more versatile & flexible with your wardrobe. And mixing a cool worn band shirt with some good quality sleek jeans & a sport coat is a hot look. You can even have both at the same time :). Good luck man.

sneep_snopped − Good for you. Keep wearing those band shirts and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Consider going to counseling if you're after personal growth. You need it after a girlfriend stepping on your boundaries like that. As someone with OCD, I encourage you to get tested. You mentioned in the op that you think you might have it. Being diagnosed changed my life for the better.

geekroick − Well done. You did the right thing.

shygrl__ − Just read your original post and got all caught up and I'm happy you decided to break it off! She sounded very emotionally draining and like you said, it was good at first, but you only really get to know someone once you've been with them for a while and she was already starting to show you her red flags. Kudos to you for standing up for yourself :)

shakatay29 − Good for you! This worked out so well: you are considering your career, you recognized some areas for self-growth, and you stood up for yourself! My nearly 30-year-old boyfriend wears almost exclusively graphic tees and flannels, I'd never ask him to change that. I'm glad you hung on to your shirts.

sweeneypoe − I don’t know you, but I’m proud of you. 🥲

RTPNick − Hopefully you were wearing one of the band shirts when you broke it off.

greenbean999 − Glad you see able to extricate yourself from that! Even the bad situations offer us lessons to use going forward. All the best.

These Reddit takes are electric, but do they capture the full story? Perhaps the girlfriend’s control masked her own insecurities, or the man’s relief is just the start of his journey.

This breakup story raises a powerful question: when does standing your ground become the ultimate act of self-love? The man’s choice to end a controlling relationship and reclaim his band tees wasn’t just about clothes—it was about honoring who he is. Relationships should amplify your joy, not rewrite your essence. If you faced a partner trying to mold you, how would you break free and rediscover yourself? Share your thoughts below and let’s unpack this empowering Reddit update!

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