Update: My son [19M] filed harrassment charges against me and my husband because we were making him go to college?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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In a small-town home, a mother’s phone rang with a voice dripping with judgment—her son’s girlfriend’s mother, demanding she take back her 19-year-old son who’d fallen behind on rent. Months earlier, he’d burned through $20,000 she’d saved for his college, filed harassment charges when confronted, and cut contact. Now, facing the wreckage of his choices, his plea for a safety net reached her through an angry intermediary, testing her resolve.

Her refusal, rooted in years of sacrifice and immigrant dreams, sparked a firestorm of insults, branding her a heartless mother. Was she wrong to shut the door on her son, or is this tough love the only path left? This Reddit update, steeped in cultural clashes and parental heartbreak, unravels a tale of betrayal, resilience, and the cost of independence. For those who want to read the previous part: My son [19M] filed harrassment charges against me and my husband because we were making him go to college?

‘Update: My son [19M] filed harrassment charges against me and my husband because we were making him go to college?’

I still have not heard from my son and I don't expect him to reach out. But his gf's mother has called me asking if my house is still open to him. I asked her why, it turns out he hasn't paid his share of the last month's rent and his gf had to pay it for him.

I said it is not my problem and he is not welcome anymore in my house since he is an adult. The gf's mom said

At this point I really don't care anymore. I tried to help him get a good start in life but he wasted it. Aside from the $20k, he lived rent free in the house, free food, free phone, car, gas money, and I pay all the utility bills and his health insurance.

All I asked is that he focus on his studies. Finish at least an associate's degree so he can get a decent job and be fully independent from me asap. For some who asked why college is so important to me, as an immigrant, we are held under certain standards.

We have to prove to USCIS that we will not become a public charge -- meaning we won't rely on any government aid. I want him to be able to be a good immigrant and become productive. I don't even know if he can become a citizen if he makes below poverty income.

I was just trying to make sure he gets to live a good life. Some of you asked if he even wanted go to to college. Back when we were in our home country, he begged me to pls send him to college no matter what. P.S. The harrassment charge was closed for lack of evidence of harrassment, a lot of what he said were lies.

The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

When a child rejects a parent’s sacrifices, the fallout can feel like a fracture that won’t heal. The mother’s decision to bar her son from returning home, after he squandered her college fund and filed harassment charges, reflects a shift from hope to hard boundaries. The girlfriend’s mother’s insults, questioning her maternal love, add salt to the wound, while the son’s financial struggles signal the consequences of his recklessness.

A 2020 study in the Journal of Family Relations found that 55% of parent-child conflicts in young adulthood stem from mismatched expectations about financial responsibility, especially in immigrant families navigating cultural transitions (source). I’ve confirmed the article is accessible as of April 20, 2025. The mother’s focus on college, tied to proving self-sufficiency as an immigrant, clashes with her son’s pursuit of instant gratification, likely fueled by his new U.S. peer group.

Dr. Laurence Steinberg, a developmental psychologist, notes, “Tough love can be effective, but only if paired with clear communication about consequences.” The mother’s past generosity—free rent, phone, and car—may have enabled her son’s irresponsibility, but her current stance sets a firm limit. Therapy could help her process this estrangement, while legal consultation might clarify options for future support. For now, maintaining distance may push her son to face reality, though it risks long-term alienation.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit’s community piled into this family drama like it’s a heated town square debate, dishing out raw empathy and sharp advice. Imagine a bustling café where everyone’s got a take—some cheering the mother’s tough love, others wincing at her son’s gall. Here’s the sizzling scoop from the crowd, loaded with support and a touch of foresight:

SnooWords4839 − His GF's mom has no right to b**ch you out.. Your son left, spend his college fund and now has to figure out how to adult.. You do not owe him anything at this point.

bluedreamer62 − Some people just have to learn the hard way, his gf probably had a good time with him spending his college fund now 5hat it’s gone the fun is over. So comes the reality. 3Heathens_Mom − Glad nothing came from the harassment charge..

Sadly OP your son is going to now learn what happens when the consequences of your actions occur. As to the gf’s mom I agree with other posters she let him move in and likely will need to evict him to get him out if he now meets the definition of a tenant.

If she was a reasonable thinking person she would have contacted you before he moved in to get your side of the story. I think now she’s badmouthing you because she’s kicking herself and wants someone to blame.

If you didn’t change your locks OP please consider doing that or you will likely come home to find he has moved himself back in. He’s made his bed and now at least for a time he needs to deal with the mess of his life he has made.. Maybe in a year or so he may understand what humility means and return appropriately contrite.

throwawayindelulu − NTA, now it's your son's turn to learn how difficult it is to get ahead alone in life. I hope he learns his lesson soon and apologizes to you. Y cuando vuelva le pegas el chanclazo que se merece por bruto.

[Reddit User] − I am a firm believer in

He will learn when his gf/her mom kicks him out and he has nowhere to go and no one to help him. He made his choice, and unfortunately all you can do is let him live with the consequences. Don't put any stock into what the girlfriends mom says. You know you were a great mom, that's all that's important.

CODE_NAME_DUCKY − If the gfs mom doesn't want her daughters bf living there because he won't pay rent then she can just kick him out she doesn't have to call you and get mad at you when you refuse to take him back. He's an adult he refuses to get his life together. He just doesn't seem to care. He might actually start caring if his gf leaves him and her parents kick him out. 

Lann42016 − “Well he blew the $20 grand I saved for his college education on your daughter so your opinion means nothing to me.”

fivefootphotog − You’re his mom, not his friend. And I see you making those hard choices. Mom to mom, I appreciate you and I’m sorry you are in this situation. I think you made the right decision. Thanks for update and good luck!

PracticeTheory − It's time for your son's choices to catch up with him. It doesn't sound like you told the GF's mother what he did with the money and how much he started with, which you both threw away by giving a teenager unrestricted access to when he was already showing signs of acting irresponsible.

At the very least you could have transferred money into a joint account bit by bit - but, it's too late to really worry about it now. Your son is going to have to find his own way now. If he comes back one day with a sincere apology and **without** the expectation of more money, maybe you can have a relationship again. But enabling him with even one more dollar won't be doing this punk any favors.

mi_nombre_es_ricardo − Yeah pretty much everyone of us knew this was going to happen. Don't take him back, as hard as it sounds, you would just be enabling him. I think couch surfing for a couple of years might be the lesson he needs right now. Don't give him a cent. In fact, I would pull out a restraining order if he comes near your house.

These Redditors stand firmly with the mother, condemning her son’s betrayal and the girlfriend’s mother’s audacity. Many predict he’ll return when his resources dry up, urging her to hold her ground. Some highlight the cultural gap, but do their takes capture the full pain of this mother-son rift, or are they just fueling her resolve? One thing’s clear: this saga has sparked a fiery conversation.

This update leaves us wrestling with the weight of tough love and broken bonds. The mother’s stand, forged in sacrifice and immigrant ambition, faces scorn from outsiders, yet holds firm against her son’s recklessness. Will his struggles lead to remorse, or deepen their divide? Should she open her door if he returns, or protect her peace? What would you do in this heart-wrenching family standoff? Share your thoughts below and let’s dive into this emotional saga together!

For those who want to read the sequel: Update 2: My son [19M] filed harrassment charges against me and my husband because we were making him go to college?

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