[UPDATE] My husband (42M) is NEVER jealous and I (36F) am growing resentful.

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In a marriage tested by unspoken needs, a 36-year-old woman finds clarity after a storm of resentment. Her frustration with her husband’s lack of jealousy, once a wedge between them, dissolves in a heartfelt talk that uncovers her longing for affirmation and his deep trust as love. With therapy on the horizon and a renewed bond, their story shines with hope. This Reddit update pulls readers into a journey of healing, where love triumphs over past wounds.

Her tale resonates with anyone who’s wrestled with mismatched emotional needs. Can she slay her inner demons to embrace her husband’s trust, or will old insecurities linger? Her journey is a testament to the power of honest communication in mending a fractured heart.

For those who want to read the previous part: My husband (42M) is NEVER jealous and I (36F) am growing resentful

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‘[UPDATE] My husband (42M) is NEVER jealous and I (36F) am growing resentful.’

Hello again, so I got a lot of messages, advice, and yes insults. it is okay, I see why. by the way, I just had a baby and someone told me this is important, it might have added to my insecurities. I followed your advice and talked to my husband. I started by apologizing to him and he said it is okay, I just want to understand where this is coming from, so I explained:

by jealous I didnt mean him getting controlling or violent, or even throwing a fit. I understand I expressed myself poorly. I meant I wanted him to show he cares enough to have a 'back off' attitude when sb hits on me in front of him, or just ask how is it at work, him not caring I took it as him taking me for granted and not loving me or finding me attractive.

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he was shocked, he laughed and said 'how did you jump from me trusting you to me not loving you?' lol. he then explained his side, he said a lot but here is the gist: 'I dont get jealous because i feel it is disrespectful to you; I dont say anything either because I keep thinking you dont need my protection, but I see your point and that I will change.

but i am not jealous because the notion of you betraying me is just foreign. I know you and I know how much you love me and believe me that is sth I will not take for granted. there were many instances that cemented my trust in you:

for example when one month after we started dating, I saw you turning down a guy who looked like a movie star and we havent even talked about being exclusive yet ( I didnt know he saw that), when you stood by my side when I lost my dad, when you sold your dear car because I needed an urgent surgery, anytime you initiate s** I am singing inside, the sweet notes I find randomly in my bag etc the point is I feel secure and confortable.

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do you have any idea how rare that is? I work with a lot of guys, I hear horror stories, while there is me who can't wait to finish to go running back home to be with you. I told him about how he feels when I sometimes get jealous, he just laughed he said I always find it cute that you think I can see and be with someone else, I am all yours, body, soul and heart. (this man)

he then said ' I had an ex who kept on flirting with guys and then eventually cheat, it was nerve-wracking, I was on edge, anxious, worried now I am at peace so me trusting you IS me loving you and being at peace knowing that we can be ocean apart, I know you will respect us. now let me ask you about this ex:

Have you had any inappropriate conversation? any one on one lunches/dinners? any lines crossed? ' and I said no, no, and no ofc. he just smiled and said 'I knew it' but I can see how you have been not yourself lately and I am sorry if I did anything that makes you doubt how much I love you. I will work on that, I promise.

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the he got to the part that I was avoiding; he said given how and where I was raised, and how my parents have been, he isnt that surprised I mistook jealousy for love. for context, my parents have been together for years but should have divorced years ago. It is a constant cycle of love/hate relationship.

dad used to even beat me and then say that it was because he loves me so much and is worried about what kind of person I will be. so we talked about therapy, I will be going next week, He also suggested a couple counselling because he wanted to learn how to be a better husband.

we also talked about different love languages, future plans etc. he called Ma (his mom) and asked her to take care of the kids while we went on a date, we had dinner and then had icecream, when we reached our home I was laughing hard at his dad jokes (it kinda his thing) so he suddenly hugged me long and said 'welcome back love, I missed you' I.MELTED.

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so now he is sleeping with his head on my lap, I wanted to thank you all for your advice, kind and even harsh words. I needed them. to be honest I am still scared of therapy because I know how ugly it is going to get, maybe this is why I have posponed it for so long, but my family and I deserve to have my own best version, so if that means slaying some inner demons, then I'll do it.. thank you again everyone!

Resolving a marital rift over differing emotional expressions is no small feat, and this woman’s breakthrough with her husband showcases the strength of vulnerability. Her resentment, rooted in equating jealousy with love, was fueled by a traumatic upbringing, while his trust reflected a hard-won peace from past betrayal.

Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, emphasizes, “Understanding a partner’s emotional history is key to bridging love language gaps” (The Gottman Institute). Her need for a “back off” stance from him wasn’t about control but affirmation, a need he missed until their talk. A 2023 study by the Journal of Family Psychology found that 60% of couples who address childhood trauma in therapy report stronger bonds, highlighting therapy’s role here (Journal of Family Psychology).

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The broader issue is how past trauma shapes relationship expectations. Her parents’ volatile dynamic normalized jealousy as love, and her recent childbirth likely heightened her insecurities, as postpartum hormones can amplify emotional needs. His willingness to adjust—promising to show care more visibly—and their mutual commitment to therapy signal a resilient partnership.

Dr. Gottman suggests “consistent check-ins to maintain emotional alignment.” Individual therapy will help her unpack her trauma, while couples counseling can refine their love languages, like his learning to offer protective gestures. Regular date nights, as they’ve started, can sustain their reconnection

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

The Reddit crowd cheered with warmth and wisdom, like a virtual toast to love’s victory. From praising her husband’s maturity to celebrating her therapy step, here’s their take:

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DplusLplusKplusM − Kudos to your husband for not allowing you to drag your parents' poor relationship role modeling into your marriage. Sounds like you found an absolute 'keeper'.

AdIll8377 − Thanks for the update. So nice to read a post with a positive outcome.

Mscatw − It’s a whole different world to be with a non-jealous man. It took me awhile to find my footing. My husband doesn’t get jealous often, but apparently he keeps his eyes out for me. Lets me handle my own and when I can’t he steps in. I too confused jealousy of a healthy relationship. And it’s not. I’m so grateful towards my husband. again he rarely ever shows jealousy

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UsuallyWrite2 − Glad you talked it out.

Alert_Bid1531 − You have a keeper but don’t forget you are as well. You make your husband feel at peace can you imagine what a feeling that must of been for him when he first started to date you after he’s had past relationships of cheating.

Therapy will be hard but your both there for each other and every month go on date nights make it fun both write date ideas and tick them off to give you both a little congratulations on doing therapy and a night to decompress with your husband and have fun.

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GarlicTraditional227 − He learned from bad past experiences. Stressing over things that are out of your control is bad for your health. I told my girl the same thing. I trust her. But if she does I won’t trip, I’ll just leave.

No need to stress about it because you can’t control what someone is going to do. If they wanna cheat they’ll do it anyways so just let them and go find your own path. It took me a while to realize how much better I felt not holding onto that tension.

NE_ED − Good god the original post reads as one of those girls who read too many romance novels where the GF puts the BF in situations to get him jealous. That s**t is childish af. Good on you OP for realizing how ridiculous you were being and kudos to your husband for being so open to help you.

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AffectionateWheel386 − You have a good character, which is why your husband trust you. And there are men that would die for that. I am so have you worked it out

sevenpioverthree − This is literally like that scene in Malcolm in the Middle where Lois realizes Hal loves her more than she loves him: I’m not calling OP’s love for her husband into question btw this just seemed reminiscent of that

explodingwhale17 − Way to go, OP! What a sweet story! You two sounds fantastic. Good luck as you pursue healing :)

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These Redditors applaud the couple’s growth but stress therapy’s challenge, urging her to stay committed. Their enthusiasm is infectious, but do their takes fully capture the weight of her trauma? One thing’s clear: this story has sparked a wave of support.

This woman’s story is a heartwarming reminder that love can heal when partners face hard truths together. Her husband’s trust, once a source of resentment, became a bridge to deeper understanding, with therapy promising to light the way. Can she conquer her past to fully embrace their bond, or will therapy unearth new challenges? Her journey challenges us to reflect on healing through love and courage. How would you navigate a partner’s trust clashing with your needs? Share your thoughts below and join the conversation.

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