[UPDATE] My [36F] boyfriend [50M] cancelled our holiday, and then last minute decided to go after I couldn’t make it.

In a sun-drenched tropical paradise, a 36-year-old woman’s solo vacation—meant for healing—turns sour when her ex-boyfriend crashes it, laughing off her hopes of reconciliation. After four years of a rocky relationship, marked by his last-minute solo trip that excluded her and her child, she ended things, only to face his relentless love-bombing.

For those who want to read the previous part: Boyfriend’s Last-Minute Trip Leaves Partner Feeling Betrayed.

This update radiates resilience, charting her journey from heartbreak to hope. As she navigates his manipulative antics and embraces therapy, her story sparkles with the promise of a fresh start. It’s a vibrant reminder that breaking free from a one-sided love can light the way to self-discovery, leaving readers rooting for her newfound strength and flirting with cute, age-appropriate suitors.

‘[UPDATE] My [36F] boyfriend [50M] cancelled our holiday, and then last minute decided to go after I couldn’t make it.’

We broke up. After he returned home from his (our?) holiday, I tried to raise some of the issues that were pointed out to my by people who commented on my original post, which all boiled down to a reality that basically our relationship is really only a relationship to me and that for him I am just providing the 'girlfriend experience' without being able to expect or enjoy any kind of commitment.

He defended his actions and did manage to generate a pretty impressive list of ways he has been there for me over the past 4 years. But as I learned from you wise people, he is really only there for me when it is on his terms, and when he is being 'so sweet' it is likely an act, whereas the rest of the time he is just being himself.

We broke up a couple of weeks after he returned home. I will admit that it was devastating for me and I really had to go through a grief process for the loss of how I hoped things might turn out. Until about a week ago, he would not leave me alone. He left me daily gifts at my home (actually inside of my home until I made him give me back my key).

He recruited my friends to do little surprises for me, knowing I hadn't had the heart to tell people about our break up at that point. It was humiliating. When it was my birthday, he sent a lavish gift based on a sexy inside joke of ours. He came to my work place (he is a consultant there,

I am on the payroll) and acted as though we are together, making me cry in the bathroom at how awkward it was because I hadn't told my colleagues about our split at that point. And worse of all, I took myself to a hot country to have a solo vacation - all 'sister doing it for herself' - and he had the nerve to JOIN ME at the place I was staying after he found out about it from others.

When I asked if he was there because he changed his mind and wanted to be with me (hopeless hope, I couldn't help it), he laughed it off and said no, my trip just sounded fun so he thought he'd have fun with me. He ruined a vacation I really needed, and I embarrassed myself crying many tears in a beautiful, tropical paradise surrounded by people in love, or at least that's how it seemed.

I realize how horrible he sounds when I write all of this out, but we did have many good years together, including a lot of fun doing a shared hobby that not a lot of people are into and that is super time consuming. I'm not sure how to face him in our mutual spaces anymore.

I don't know what switched off for him to finally give me space, but it has helped immensely for me to heal and get over this without him lurking around or love-bombing me to try to get me to change my mind. After the vacation fiasco, I know that he is only reaching out because he misses the convenience I brought to his life,

not because he misses me or cares about me, or he never would have done such a rude, selfish thing. I am posting mainly as a thank you to those of you who took the time to reach out and share your perspectives with me, both gently and not-so-gently.

I am not sure how I was recruited into allowing him to treat me that way, and I'm working with a very fantastic therapist to learn more about who I am in relationships. It will be hard to spend the holidays without him and I miss his kids a lot, but it is such a good feeling to know that I have a fresh start.

I've been enjoying the holiday parties with family and friends this year, and have met a couple of really cute men who are close in my age, seem emotionally available, and are immersed in interesting, creative careers. They flirt with me like I'm a real person - you know,

talking and asking questions instead of just compliments and being taken to events like the token 'I got dumped by my wife but check out this hot babe who loves me' type of girlfriend. I'm being careful and oh so slow, but guys, oh so hopeful too.. I am very grateful for your help. I hope you have a lovely holiday and a wonderful new year.. Signed,. Recovering Plaything.

The boyfriend’s solo vacation was a red flag, but his post-breakup behavior—crashing her trip and love-bombing with gifts—screams manipulation. His refusal to respect her boundaries shows a deeper issue of control. “When someone disregards your need for space after a breakup, it’s often about power, not love,” says Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a narcissism expert, in a PsychCentral article.

The OP’s grief and humiliation, especially during her sabotaged vacation, reflect the emotional toll of his selfishness. A 2023 study from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships notes that manipulative ex-partners often use love-bombing to maintain influence, with 45% of women reporting such tactics post-breakup. His workplace antics and uninvited presence exploited her hesitation to share the split publicly.

This highlights a broader issue: recovering from relationships with self-centered partners. The OP’s therapy and boundary-setting, like reclaiming her key, are vital steps. Dr. Durvasula advises documenting boundary violations and informing mutual contacts to curb manipulation. For the OP, continuing therapy to explore her relationship patterns and leaning on supportive friends can solidify her growth. Her cautious optimism with new suitors shows a healthy shift toward mutual respect.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

The Reddit community unleashed a torrent of support, mixed with outrage at the ex’s audacity. From practical tips like changing locks to heartfelt cheers for her fresh start, these comments are a fiery blend of empathy and indignation. Buckle up for some raw reactions!

Formergr − he had the nerve to JOIN ME at the place I was staying after he found out about it from others. When I asked if he was there because he changed his mind and wanted to be with me (hopeless hope, I couldn't help it), he laughed it off and said no, my trip just sounded fun so he thought he'd have fun with me.

Holy s**t, that is like a sociopathic level of horribleness. I’m so, so sorry, I can’t even imagine how hurtful and even humiliating that must have felt to hear him say. It really, really freaks me out to think that he likely really enjoyed being able to laugh at you and say no, he doesn’t want to be with you, just wanted to have fun.. Ugh, scum bag.

Gavroche15 − Time to start telling everyone who thinks your still in a relationship something like this: 'Oh him? He is a creep. 3 months after I broke up with him he tried to crash my vacation.'. Don't let him prey on you due to the ignorance of others.

NedStarkingAlchemist − If you haven't already, you probably should look into changing the locks. Based on the boundary violations you've described, there's a good chance he made a copy of the key he had...

1stoftheLast − When I asked if he was there because he changed his mind and wanted to be with me (hopeless hope, I couldn't help it), he laughed it off and said no, my trip just sounded fun so he thought he'd have fun with me.. He sounds like a gaping a**hole

Harbinger_SovereigN7 − Holy s**t, you'd better change your locks just in case. And what a horrible move to ruin your vacation like that!

serenwipiti − Don’t call yourself a plaything, in any tense.. That was not ever something that *you* were. You were and are a genuine, honest and good person who was serious about your love and all you had to offer. He was the plaything, he was the one playing himself and wasting the time he had and could have had with a wonderful person.. Remember who you *are.*

ms-anthrope − Good for you babe! I am so sorry he RUINED your f**king vacation! Wow, that is the ultimate in assholery. Here's to good therapists and large glasses of wine.

JaiRenae − You've got this! It sounds like he is a s**iopath and has some sort of personality disorder. Please let people know that you've broken up so they know how creepy this crap that he was doing is. If he does have a personality disorder, chances are that he may have glommed onto some new supply and that is why he's leaving you alone.

NikkitheChocoholic − You need to tell people about your break-up/his stalkerish behavior, officially tell him that you don't want contact anymore, and seek a restraining order if he keeps stalking you.

[Reddit User] − He sounds like he was trying to love bomb you, then pull the rug under your feet. He's an a**hole and a narcissist. he's pathetic for ruining your home space, your work place, and a seemingly only way for you to escape from him (Vacation). I would have kicked him in the ass if I saw him there, let alone try to approach me and 'hang out' because it's convenient for him.

But do these Reddit takes light the path to healing, or are they just cathartic roars? Let’s unpack the wisdom in this emotional storm.

This update shines as a testament to a woman’s strength, rising from the ashes of a toxic relationship to embrace a hopeful future. Her ex’s selfish antics couldn’t dim her spark, and now she’s flirting with new possibilities and self-love. Have you ever had to cut ties with someone who didn’t value you? Share your stories or advice below—let’s celebrate the courage it takes to choose yourself and start anew.

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